Text/Han Meiyi
01
When it comes to marriage, many people know that marriage requires careful management, but how to be "careful" is difficult for everyone to do.
Some people maintain very good relationships with colleagues and friends outside, and even appear to be "easy to deal with" in front of neighbors, but at home, their relationship with their partner is very bad, and their marriage is not happy at all. .
Some people may say that if a marriage does not work well, it cannot be entirely blamed on one person. Both husband and wife have responsibilities. If one person is willing to manage the marriage and the other is not willing to manage it, then in the end, harmony and happiness will still not be achieved.
indeed.
Feelings are always mutual. In a family, if one person is always tolerant, or if both husband and wife live their own lives according to their own ideas and neither accepts the other, then such a marriage will gradually lose its meaning. .
Balzac once said, " Husbands and wives must know each other and understand each other, and tolerate and respect each other. Only in this way can a happy marriage be maintained. "
No matter Men and women, if in front of your partner, you always have to argue with one another, only blame and find fault with everything, and have to argue for a long time if you have any differences, and you just want to "get the upper hand", then in the long run, you will Instead of becoming as beautiful as you expected, your marriage will only become worse and more boring. In the end, it is very likely to end in divorce.
02
35-year-old Chen Bai (pseudonym) is currently divorcing his wife Xiao Yu. He has always been gentle and talkative. No matter how Xiao Yu makes trouble or how his parents persuade him, he is determined not to look back. He even "said cruel words" ", saying that if Xiaoyu insists on entangled, then he will go to court to sue.
Chen Bai did not think his actions were heartless. On the contrary, he felt it was a relief.
" I really didn’t expect the two of us to reach this point, but we have to! Being with her is really getting more and more depressing! She is too strong, and she doesn’t care about my mood at all when she speaks and does things! No matter what I do at home What, what do you say? At first she would scold you and ridicule you, at worst she would criticize you for being useless! Even when we play with my daughter, if there is anything she doesn’t like, she will scold me in front of her. Just like my grandson! I admit that she, a woman, is more capable and more profitable than me, a man. I try to understand and tolerate her, but she looks for superiority in me all day long and insists on overpowering me at every turn. It’s so suffocating and uncomfortable! Are they still a couple? I’ve really had enough! "
Speaking of which, Chen Bai has been married for eight years, and his wife Xiaoyu is one year younger than him. The two of them are married.
Because of his relationship with Xiao Yu, Chen Bai once felt that he was very happy. He had a four-year-old daughter. He originally wanted a family of three to be together happily. He did not seek wealth, but only wanted health. Peace was enough, but as his daughter grew up day by day, he felt more and more painful, and his relationship with his wife gradually became alienated.
“It’s not that I have no feelings for her anymore, but I feel a sense of fear of her from the bottom of my heart! I have to be careful in everything I do and say, for fear that I will be nagged and scolded by her for a long time if I am not careful. I feel that such a home is quite boring. !" Chen Bai said.
Xiaoyu is a strong person and has strict requirements for her work and herself. The reason why she and Chen Bai didn't have children until many years after marriage was because they wanted to work hard first and wait until the economic conditions are better to have children. There will be so much pressure and burden.
Chen Bai strongly supports Xiao Yu’s ideas. After all, young people always have to be energetic and motivated, and they cannot live like “boiling frogs in warm water”. For this reason, no matter how hard Xiao Yu works and how hard he works, he They just work together and work hard together. The two of them encourage each other and make progress together. Although it is painful and tiring, it is still sweet.
Chen Bai originally thought that he and Xiao Yu would always advance and retreat together and live a happy life. He never thought that after having a daughter, life would be far from what he imagined.
It may be that she is a first-time mother and has no experience. Xiaoyu is not sure about anything. Although Chen Bai’s mother helps, all the big and small things at home must be discussed with her and approved by her. She had to listen to her about the temperature of hot milk for her child and how often to change diapers. Even when she was at work, Chen Bai's mother had to call her to "report" no matter what she did.
Chen Bai can understand Xiaoyu's anxiety. He tries his best to rely on Xiaoyu when doing things on weekdays, but his mother can't accept it. After the old man took care of his nine-month-old granddaughter, he really can't stand Xiaoyu as his daughter-in-law. After saying "I am willing to support the nanny fee of 3,000 yuan a month until my granddaughter goes to kindergarten", I took my luggage and returned to my hometown.
It stands to reason that having a professional nanny to take care of the children would make Xiaoyu feel more at ease and relax, but this is not the case. After their family had three nannies, they finally found an aunt who could fulfill Xiaoyu's wishes.
However, despite the help of a reliable nanny, Chen Bai did not feel relaxed at all. Although he did not have to cook or do housework when he got home from get off work, he still had to accompany his daughter, how to teach, coax, and feed the child. Eating and all these things still have to be done according to Xiao Yu's wishes.
On weekdays, it’s easier to talk about it. After all, everyone leaves early and comes back late to work, and the time at home is not long. Even if Chen Bai “made a mistake” and Xiao Yu scolded him, he wouldn’t scold him for too long; but when the nanny is taking a break, it’s different. , Basically Chen Bai wakes up in the morning and waits until When I fell asleep at night, Xiaoyu's nagging was almost non-stop, and the content of each complaint was very similar: either she was dissatisfied with Chen Bai's low salary, unable to support the family, and not as good as other men; she was also complaining that Chen Bai didn't like to worry and did everything he did. She had to guide her in everything, and a father lived so heartlessly all day long.
Anyway, the last sentence is: " I have been married to you for so many years and have not enjoyed a single day of your blessing. If I had known that you were so disappointing today, I should not have blindly married you in the first place! "
No man can tolerate being "humiliated" by his wife every day, and the same is true for Chen Bai. Although his salary is not high, he has been working hard to make money; although he is a little careless in doing things at home and raising children, he is still Sincerely, I have never thought about coping or making do. Why can't Xiaoyu see the troubles and always find endless troubles?
It's just that no matter how much Chen Bai explains, it's useless. As long as he says one sentence, Xiaoyu will definitely reply to him in ten sentences, and what he says must be as sharp and sharp as possible.
Thinking of the home mortgage (2500 per month), daily expenses and nanny fees (7000 per month), it is a big expense every month. Although Chen Bai felt aggrieved by Xiaoyu's increasingly tense attitude, he still felt aggrieved. He also tried to understand: No matter how capable he was, how could he allow his wife to make money outside like a desperate mistress? Xiaoyu is strong and speaks too straightforwardly, but in the end he doesn’t have any bad intentions. He is also too eager to make the family better. Maybe when his daughter grows up and goes to kindergarten, the situation at home will ease, and Xiaoyu will change. Gotta relax a little bit.
However, is it really what Chen Bai expected?
does not.
After their daughter went to kindergarten, although their daily expenses increased a bit, Chen Bai and Xiao Yu's salaries also increased a lot. The combined monthly salary of the couple is enough to make the family's life much easier.
However, even so, there is still no visible change in Xiaoyu's treatment of Chen Bai: she is becoming more and more impatient. Whenever she is at home, she often gets angry or ridiculed when chatting with Chen Bai. Even during the holidays, Chen Bai kindly prepared gifts for her, bought flowers, clothes, and jewelry, but it was difficult to please her. Even when he kindly gave her money, it seemed that he couldn't get her attention.
Just like half a month ago, Chen Bai received a bonus of 20,000 for completing the task. He happily told Xiao Yu about it and transferred the money to Xiao Yu without any hesitation. Who knows, Xiao Yu Not only was there no trace of happiness, but he was mocking him. What was there to show off with this little money?
" A man earns this much, what's there to be proud of? It's not as much as my monthly salary. I really don't know if you have really put in the hard work over the years for so-called diligence and hard work. Or are you just showing up? When will you truly be a man and support this family? ”
Xiaoyu’s words chilled Chen Bai to his core. He didn’t know what to say, because whether it was his salary of 15,000 yuan or the bonus of 20,000 yuan, it was indeed not as high as Xiaoyu’s salary. In these years, he has also been steady. He works in the field, but the salary is not high. What can he do? Especially in the past two years, due to the repeated epidemics, it has been difficult to earn money, and even jobs are hard to come by. Is it possible that he has to find a job again at this time?
After being silent for a long time, Chen Bai still answered Xiao Yu's words, but as soon as he said, "Take your time," he was interrupted impatiently by Xiao Yu: "I have told you to change jobs many times, but you have been If you don't want to, you have to stay in this unit! I don't know what you want to do, just to stay there for a long time? As a father, you always have to make do, but as a grown man, you have to dare to fight and break out, and you can't always stay in your comfort zone and don't want to jump out!"
Listening to Xiao Yu, as usual, "I hate that iron cannot be made into steel! "Tone, Chen Bai suddenly felt that he couldn't bear it anymore, and he shouted back angrily. : " lines! Since you always think that I am not a man, let's get divorced! I don't want to drag you down anymore. Don't worry, I won't fight about the children, the house, or the money. The only requirement is that we can get together well." Scattered! ”
03
When Chen Bai mentioned divorce, his wife Xiao Yu was shocked and angry. She thought Chen Bai was speaking out of anger, so she angrily said "just leave" and started a cold war with Chen Bai.
However, this time, Chen Bai did not coax her shamelessly or apologize, but firmly told her that after she had considered it, she would sign the divorce agreement , and the two of them could still be harmonious in front of their daughter in the future. .
When Chen Bai finished talking about this incident, he said something like this, which I think was quite emotional. He said:
"Xiaoyu saw that I insisted on getting a divorce, so she finally said a few soft words to me, to the effect that, The reason why she is so strong is that she is born She was forced to live under too much pressure, and I did too little to help her. She was unable to vent the pain in her heart, so she spoke and did things without thinking. On the other hand, she just wanted me to be more motivated and worry more. She didn't mean to look down on me.
I thought about it and found that what she said was not unreasonable. If her life was more comfortable and more generous, which woman would be willing to live like a shrew?
However, even if I understand her, it will be difficult for us to live together again. She can't change her dominance for a while, and I can't. It is difficult to repair the damage in one's own heart, even if one has to endure it and persist in treating the other person This is also a kind of torture, so let’s just leave it like this! At least we haven’t broken up, and we can still keep in touch for the sake of our daughter.”
The reason why I say emotion is that it’s really a pity that two people who once loved each other have reached this stage of divorce. .
There was no betrayal in their marriage. The two people had always been loyal to each other. However, because of the way they got along with each other, they could not continue in the end. Such a result was very painful for the parties involved. It's something that we onlookers simply can't understand.
In fact, in life, are those relationships that break up quickly and marriages that break up after a long time, really all caused by one party's unforgivable mistakes? Is it really all one person's fault for another's? Not all
.
Too many people can be friendly, understanding and considerate to strangers, people they are not familiar with, and people who are insignificant, but only in front of their partners, they become mean and repulsive. , Do things based on your own mood, do whatever makes you feel comfortable, regardless of how your partner feels.
In fact, it is not a big problem for a woman to be "strong". To be honest, such a woman is often very tired because she demands perfection in everything, worries too much, and will only stop when she is satisfied. But it is precisely because we pursue so much precision in everything that we can easily suffer ourselves and our partners.
After all, couples need more communication and understanding. What do you need, what can I provide, and what can both of us do for each other in the most difficult times? These must be let to the other party, not I would rather be alone in my heart, just complaining about the other person's incompetence, and unwilling to help take responsibility.
Many times, the reason why a husband and wife suddenly become "incompatible" and unfamiliar is because they both have ideas and want the other to do things according to their own ideas, but they feel that the other will definitely not do that, so, We have to do our own thing.
Marriage needs to be managed "carefully" instead of just taking it for granted. To love someone, you must first accept their mediocrity and ordinaryness, and then try to make them live like themselves.
