A letter from a reader said:
I am 33 years old, an ordinary man, and I earn a dead salary of less than 5,000 yuan a month. I thought about resigning, but I didn’t have the courage, for two reasons: 1) I worked hard to pass the national examination and became a civil servant; 2) After resigning, I really didn’t know what else I could do.
When I was in school, there were many classmates who had worse academic performance than me, but now there are many people who are doing better than me (just in terms of making money). Sometimes I feel psychologically unbalanced, and it is inevitable that I will bring this feeling of frustration home.
My wife, like me, is also a civil servant. In the first few years of our marriage, my wife did not have many ambitions for the future, or she was infected by me. Over the years, she has also begun to love money. She will be enthusiastic towards some men around her who are doing business and is willing to be a lapdog at work. .
About half a year ago, I was cuckolded by my wife for the first time. It was very painful at the time, but after comprehensive consideration, I decided to forgive. After that, all my confidence in my married life was gone. More Sometimes, I am always suspicious of my wife.
Nowadays, although my wife has no clear romantic partner, she will still be enthusiastic about the rich business men around her, as well as every male boss of hers, which makes me very worried and tormented. I often have this perception: My wife will one day divorce me because of a rich or powerful man.
My current state is extremely bad. Every day in my dreams, some sad scenes appear. What's wrong with me?
Muzi Li Emotional Analysis:
Your current state is a typical sequelae of the post-infidelity period, which makes you deny yourself and your marriage in a state of losing confidence, and you begin to look at life with a pessimistic attitude. Over the years, you have always hoped that you can become a rich man, but you are reluctant to give up your current job and are very unsure about your life after resignation. This means that you are not mentally prepared to resign. Regarding work attitude You can't continue to hold on to the mountain and hope that the mountain will rise. Instead, focus more on your current job, and you may be able to get promotion opportunities. Under your influence, your wife has become a woman who is obsessed with money, but she has ignored one detail: if she is passionate about the rich man around her, his money has nothing to do with her; if she is passionate about the male boss around her, maybe The male boss can also promote her more at work.
However, passion does not mean love. You should stick to your own bottom line. Once you treat someone who can help you in your career with the mentality of looking for a lover, you will inevitably be discredited because of your improper private life. In the post-infidelity period, your choice for the direction of your marriage is: forgive. I believe this is the result of your careful consideration. In this case: please choose trust, because being suspicious will only make you more painful. Advice for you: Stop being such a mess. Your unit also has leaders, why don’t you have a position in the leadership? Answer: You are not working hard enough. There is a saying that goes like this: All roads lead to Rome. If you want to be the best in your field, you must work harder in your field. When your career is successful, you will be more confident. Remember: Hypotheses and fantasies are meaningless at all. It is more down-to-earth to use actual actions to prove that you can do it.
People's focus will be different at different age groups, but that does not mean that other things are not important. Especially after getting married, people will feel that making money is the most important thing. At this time, the amount of money they make is related to the industry they choose. It’s also related to your own abilities. During this period, don’t think that just because someone has made a lot of money in a certain field, you can just imitate him. What I want to say is that everyone’s success is difficult to copy. Because sometimes, opportunity, platform, and time are all critical factors. Here are a few more typical examples:
1) Regarding actors, there is another role that everyone knows about, and that is the actor’s stand-in. They look similar to some of the main protagonists, and they are even no better in terms of acting skills. The real person is inferior, but they can only be substitutes.I would like to ask, how many substitutes in the entertainment industry have finally defeated the real person? Even if I am particularly good, because the other person debuted relatively late, I have become an existence that can be imitated but difficult to surpass in front of the substitute.
2) Nowadays, self-media people who make short videos make more money than those who do text work, but not every self-media person who does text work can achieve success after switching to short videos. Or because of limited appearance, or because of limited voice, or because of lack of humor, or other reasons. For this reason, everyone should understand their own strengths and weaknesses, and never hastily work across industries, because the final effect of going to a field that is completely unfamiliar to them is not as good as working harder in the field that they are good at.
3) The reason why some people have high popularity is not only due to their excellent business capabilities, but also has a lot to do with the platform they are on. Take the hosts who once worked at the main station. When they were working, they were almost household names. But after resigning from the main station, even if they are still engaged in similar work, sometimes their influence is not as good as that of some small Internet celebrities. It's not because their business capabilities have deteriorated, it's just that without the support of the platform, they can't continue to shine.
Many people in life will self-righteously feel that they are special after they succeed in a certain field, and feel that they can still become the best in any industry. However, they do not know that a person's success is closely related to his or her own ability and platform. Support, seizing opportunities, and the trend of the times are all closely related. If any link is not on point, it may make you dim. For this reason, when we envy many people around us who are doing well, the mentality we should have is: do we have the ability to seize the limelight? If not, then work hard and sow seeds in our own one-third acre of land. , maybe the effect will be better.
More often than not, aren’t people’s sighs about their current life all because they are not satisfied? In this case, your mentality will be seriously distorted. To this end, we need to understand something: some people clearly live a life that is more than enough, but why are they unhappy? The answer is: There is something wrong with my mentality. In fact, many times, we can compare with many people. The purpose is to always urge ourselves to work harder at work and continue to explore our potential. During this period, be sure not to set up some unrealistic reference objects (comparison objects) for yourself, otherwise you will gain frustration.
Editor's note:
Everyone has his or her own perspective when describing life or marriage, so that when people are asked to evaluate a certain thing or a certain person, they will not There is a unified answer. At this time, don't say that the other person's understanding is wrong just because your own understanding is different from that of others. It's just that everyone looks at the problem from a different perspective. For this reason, when you and some people who are irrelevant to you have different cognitions, you don’t need to argue with the other person about who is right and who is wrong, just admit that each other is not the same kind of person.
The world is seen with eyes and outlined with thoughts. The world you see is the entire world and reality in your perception. Don’t expect anyone to be the same as you, because it is difficult to empathize with you in this world. Sometimes you are lucky enough to meet someone who is on the same wavelength in the general direction. During this period, you must cherish this person. Of course, many people in life are not confident: either because they work across fields, or because they are not strong enough in their areas of expertise. Therefore, working more hard and sighing less in life may be the most cost-effective way to restore confidence in a person.
(pictures from the Internet, pictures and texts have nothing to do with it)
