A reader wrote this: My wife and I were classmates in college. After graduating from college, my wife followed me and came to work and live in the city where I grew up. My parents are both working-class people. When I was in high school, my parents bought me a house in advance. I

Readers wrote like this:

My wife and I were college classmates. After graduating from college, my wife followed me and came to work and live in the city where I grew up. My parents are both working-class people. When I was in high school, my parents bought me a house in advance. In this day and age, once the house problem is solved, other problems are trivial. When I got married, my wife and I both worked in private companies. After getting married, my wife still didn’t give up her studies and is now a staff member, while I also have my own company. In the blink of an eye, my wife and I have been married for nearly ten years. In the past ten years, the biggest change has been: I am getting richer and richer.

Not long ago, a netizen and I got involved in an extramarital affair. The truth in my heart: 1) I have never thought about divorcing my wife; 2) Being with netizens is just a casual act in a state of novelty. Unexpectedly, in this casual relationship, netizens took it seriously. Under this situation, in order to preserve the stability of my marriage, I had no choice but to break up with my netizen, but the other person threatened me with "I want to tell your wife about this." Because I didn’t want my wife to know about this, mainly because I was worried that my wife would divorce me because of this, I could only continue to interact with netizens absent-mindedly. Unfortunately, the matters between me and my netizens were aired in front of my wife because my netizens often sent me text messages and called me when I was at home.

After my wife found out about this, I could only tell my wife the experience between me and my lover frankly, and told the truth in my heart: I will not divorce my wife because of my lover. Wife's attitude: I won't divorce you. On the one hand, I don't want the mistress to succeed. On the other hand, I don't have to do it for you, but for the sake of my children and family property. No matter how unpleasant my wife’s words are, as long as she doesn’t divorce me, I’ll be thankful. With my wife’s attitude of not getting divorced, I naturally become tougher on netizens. Unexpectedly, the other party actually ran to my house. My wife’s feedback to the netizen: She slapped the other person twice and told me that I already knew about the matter between you and my husband, and my husband would not suffer anyway. The netizen finally left in despair. At present, married life is still going on, but my wife's attitude towards me is not as good as before.

Mu Zi Li Emotional analysis:

People are emotional animals. They will laugh when they encounter happy things; they will cry or feel sad when they encounter unhappy things. For anyone, after discovering that their lover has betrayed their marriage, do you think he can act as if nothing happened? Therefore, in the post-infidelity period, accompanied by emotional betrayal, collapse of trust, and the damage caused by the infidelity itself, why can your wife be forgiven if she does it? At this time, it is very normal for your wife to be indifferent to you. Your wife's choice not to divorce during this period is actually her attitude towards this relationship: mixed with love, mixed with reluctance, and mixed with pain. Healing requires a process, and time is the best medicine.

Now, the extramarital affair has come to an end and you have tasted the ferocity of the mistress and the boringness of the extramarital affair. Therefore, for the rest of your life, not doing similar disgusting things will be what you must do in the process of self-atonement. In addition, , you also need to use practical actions to help your wife regain trust and a sense of security. My suggestions include: 1) Recently, you can put your mobile phone away when you get home. Whether your wife looks at it or not is her business; 2) Reduce unnecessary social activities and give your wife and children more time to accompany you. You will eventually have a relationship foundation. As time goes by and your performance is good, your wife will naturally get out of the shadow of your betrayal of your marriage and give you warmth again.

Men and women have completely different attitudes when it comes to relationships. More often than not, men are more pragmatic when it comes to relationships, while women are more emotional:

When it comes to falling in love, the reason why women choose marriage partners Sometimes they put too many demands on men on the material level. In fact, this is because most women belong to a species that lacks a sense of security. Their demands on the material level are just to get the minimum protection for their married life. In fact, , Aren’t women’s material needs when getting married all related to houses and savings? It is usually difficult to see more excessive needs.During this period, we also saw some marriage cases where women married poor boys. The reason why a woman has the courage to marry a poor boy is because when a woman is dating a poor boy, the poor boy can take care of the woman's emotions and some details in life, so that the woman does not need to use material things to get what she wants. A sense of security and certainty that even if we live a hard life together after marriage, the person we love will not abandon us. Therefore, during a relationship, a man's attitude towards a woman is crucial. When you are not so nice to her, shouldn't she care about your family situation?

Although men often compromise when they are in love, to put it bluntly, aren’t they all striving for a purpose in order to achieve the goal of marriage? In fact, after getting married, a man’s attitude towards women will immediately cool down for two reasons: 1) Men desire the minimum equality between men and women; 2) What men are more concerned about at this time is how much they can earn every month. Tickets. At this time, women's attitudes towards men will also undergo many changes: 1) After getting married, they lose contact with friends, regard men as everything they have in the field of love and friendship, and become more dependent on men; 2) Men are particularly nervous when they come home late, and are particularly sensitive when men send messages or make phone calls. They are mainly worried about men getting involved with women. It's not because women don't trust men, maybe it's because men's attitudes don't give women enough sense of security.

Women have the characteristic of worrying in marriage: when her husband makes little money, she will nag; when her husband does not take care of her body, woman will nag; when she is busy and her husband is a hands-off shopkeeper, woman will nag . A woman's nagging may stem from her hatred of iron not becoming steel, or from trying to balance herself mentally, or from a man's insecurity of failing to take care of his own emotions. During this period, if the man is unwilling to take care of the woman's emotions, the woman will slowly become silent in disappointment. It is not a competition, but a gradual alienation after disappointment; it is not a compromise, but she no longer has too much interest in this relationship. Expectations, and thus the idea of ​​withdrawing from this relationship.

would also like to remind all women here: Although your nagging stems from love, many things can be stopped. Don't let yourself perform endless interpretations on the same thing, because you will make mistakes if you talk too much. In fact, many women will sigh like this in their married life: they are a thankless existence. The reason for this is not that men can't feel your efforts in marriage, but that your nagging makes men have no time to take care of your good things. Sometimes, when a woman can keep her mouth shut, a man won't want to go home after get off work. For this reason, women’s nagging to men can be less critical and nitpicking, and more encouraging, praising and affirming.

Editor's note:

Many times, people have this mentality: I have said sorry to you and you have forgiven me for my stupid behavior, why are you still lukewarm to me? During this period, you need to understand: 1) The wrong thing you did has already made the other party depressed; 2) Your wrong behavior has caused harm to the other party. How can the harm be forgotten immediately? During this period, you need to give While the other party has some time to relax, you also need to correct your attitude and accept the other party's emotional instability, which is your punishment (mental torture).

Especially regarding extramarital affairs, you are the one who cheated, and your lover is the one who is hurt. He knows best how painful the other person's heart is during the post-infidelity period. Put yourself in your shoes: If your lover cheated on you, and after you exposed the extramarital affair, he broke up with his lover and showed a sincere apology in front of you, would you be able to let go immediately? Or if you don’t get divorced, you will feel that you are already generous. Therefore, some things just need to be put into perspective, and you will no longer be entangled.

(pictures from the Internet, pictures and texts have nothing to do with it)