- Are you afraid of choosing the wrong way? -
There is an old Chinese saying: Men are afraid of getting into the wrong line and women are afraid of marrying the wrong man.
In other words: if you choose the wrong way, your life will be ruined.
I was convinced before. If a man enters an industry that is not suitable for him, then his life will be over; if a woman marries the wrong husband, then she must be unhappy in her life. Many cases around me seem to be able to corroborate this point.
But now I have doubts about this-I doubt those who say it, those who believe it.
Why do you suspect? Listen to me tell a story.
In the summer of 2016, I graduated from university.
I was extremely confused at that time and didn't know what I could do.
"mixed" in the school’s local city for half a year of great time,Having engaged in all kinds of businesses, I didn't get anything in the end, and even owed a debt.
At that time, there were always people who left me: "You can do something serious, and you can see who is the one", "You can't do it like this", "You just mix it up for a lifetime?" "
I am like a wall grass, shaken by the wind. Fear, anxiety. Repeated fear, repeated anxiety.
Which direction should I choose on the criss-cross road?
Sorry, I don’t seem to have much choice. I'm just like an octopus in the dark, probing my feet around, trying cautiously, trying to see the world and survive.
At the end of the year, I was doing "event planning" at a local theater. At this time, I faintly saw the path I wanted to take-planning.
I did this here for less than a month, because of trivial matters and after quarreling with the immediate leaders, I resigned and returned to my hometown for the New Year.
my family advised me to go to Beijing,There are many development opportunities in metropolises, and there are also many relatives and friends. At first I couldn't even think about it-how could someone like me who don't know anything could get a job when they went to Beijing?
I am not going!
At the beginning of 2017, I arrived in Beijing.
In retrospect, I had such a firm heart at that time-I didn't do anything except planning (of course, after the actual iron fist, I also shaken a bit and I ran away Looking for a job as a heavy-duty porter, I was almost cheated of money, only then came back to continue looking for planning work).
After running into a wall several times, I finally found a suitable company.
I stay here for more than 3 years.
During the period, I have felt the dimensionality reduction blows brought to me by the big cities, and I have had the anxiety and collapse of the project not being completed, and I have the idea of escaping from the difficulties and walking away.
But I persisted again and again because of the pain and collapse it caused me,In the face of my growth, it's hardly worth mentioning. Especially in the middle two years, my heart seemed to grow in this company, and it gradually became an important part of my life. Looking back now, I am full of infinite gratitude for it.
In those few years, I felt that I chose the right company and the right path.
But my life has always followed my heart. And my brain seldom can control my heart.
In 2020, I gradually realized that I was less and less interested in this business, and even a little disgusted. Probably I have been in this industry for too long. I feel like a pool of stagnant water, no waves, no thoughts.
I hate the walls that can't get out everywhere, which is suffocating.
After thinking over and over again, I resigned. When I resigned, I said: I want to be an online industry that can reach more people.
I have found two new jobs in succession, which are indeed in line with the target track, but for various reasons, I did not continue.
Next,No work for a month.
In order to relieve my anxiety, I followed my cousin to the Chongqing construction site for a few days, just to get some income to make myself feel at ease.
During the most anxious period, I kept thinking: it's over, I shouldn't resign! I definitely took this step wrong! Although I still have some money, TM still has some small foreign debts that have not been paid off. Isn't this a death now?
Driven by multiple pressures, I reluctantly returned to the original industry (but not the original company).
On the day I joined the company, I recalled the rhetoric that I said to the former leader before leaving, and a bitterness came to my heart.
It turned out that I can also be beaten by the real iron fist to a level of two hundred and five.
Although I want to survive, I don’t like this industry after all, and I don’t like this company either.
was there for nearly a year,Except for a design brother who can really chat, I don't bother to have any communication with all my colleagues around me. The same pain and the same depression spread all over me.
I even thought: I came to this company and chose the wrong way, so I shouldn't have come to Nima. What a wrong step, wrong step!
Look, I was like a dumb donkey who never had a clue and was not satisfied!
brought me a fatal blow?
No, even the economic situation has improved significantly in this year, at least I have no foreign debts.
But why was I so anxious? Why do you regret so much?
I am afraid that my living standards will plummet, I am afraid I can’t stay in Beijing, I am afraid that my former colleagues will ridicule me about my situation,I'm afraid that my relatives and friends will criticize me when they learn that I don't have a job.
No matter how many fears there are, think about it carefully, the most fundamental reason behind is the fear of being responsible for your own life.
Do you see the crux?
Yang Jiang said: If we reflect on our life experience, it is because of the situation at the time and we cannot help it. But at the critical moment, it is yourself that is in charge.
Yes, think about the past few years. After graduating, "wasted" half a year, came to Beijing to do planning, resigned after three years and wanted to change industries, and then return to the original industry... Which decision during this period was not my own decision?
On the one hand, he decides the way to go, and on the other hand he is afraid of being responsible for the "wrong".
human (wo) class (zi) na (ji),It's really shameless, I want it everywhere, I don't want to take responsibility everywhere.
So how can there be "men are afraid of getting into the wrong line and women are afraid of marrying the wrong man"? I think this sentence should be changed, called "Men are afraid of entering the wrong line and they will bear the responsibility of the wrong line, and women who are afraid of marrying the wrong man will bear the responsibility of marrying the wrong man."
So after a lot of people fail, they will always sigh: Hey, CTM, there is no way, that’s the fate, God doesn’t want me to succeed.
Look, this is a reason to enjoy silky smoothness than Dove! It is logical to pass all the responsibilities to God. God is really sitting in the temple, and the pot comes from Nantianmen.
span1 There are too many options in this life. What if we go wrong? Are other roads blocked?
There is a psychologist in Austria called Frank .
1942,Frank and his family, including his new wife, were arrested by the Nazis and detained in a brutal concentration camp. There is darkness and death everywhere. His wife, parents, and brothers all suffered torture and died in the concentration camp one after another. Only he and his sister survived this extreme environment.
Frank became a survivor, in addition to his doctor status that made the Nazis feel useful, the more important thing was his "choice"-even in such a terrible place, he still Retaining the dignity of a person, and still not giving up the freedom to deal with the environment and behavior-even if there are few choices, there is little room for it.
Frank said: All freedom, all truth and all meaning depend on the choice made and implemented by the individual.
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In the previous article, the hapless example in the story of Wang Xiaobo , people are all caught by , cannibals , and they still have room to choose. Said: "Turn me over" too!
selected the wrong row,Let's change the industry! Life is so long, do you have to do a job that you don't like for a lifetime?
If you marry the wrong man, if you can't bear it, you will get divorced! Life is so long, are you going to spend a lifetime with someone you hate?
It’s okay if you choose the wrong path, as long as you don’t throw away all the choices you have, as long as you think carefully about it, as long as you have the courage to change the path and go again. A responsible heart in one's life will not end easily in this lifetime.
Some people say that although I know I have many choices, I still fear the unknown in my heart!
Yes, there is, is there anything wrong with it?
I remember one time I chatted with Brother Jing. She asked me, why do many people always fall into the trap of life? Especially those traps are obvious, but they can't see it.
I thought for a while, because most people are ordinary people, regardless of the limitations of their own and the times and knowledge, they have formed a thick barrier in front of him-it is difficult for ordinary people Possess the ability to penetrate these limitations.Even standing today, can’t see what might happen tomorrow. So in the face of the unknown, how can you not fall down? How can there be no anxiety? How can there be no fear?
But now society seems to deliberately discredit and avoid this "shortcoming" in human nature. We always ask ourselves or others to be as close to perfection as possible. Fear? anxiety? Sorry, no or as few as possible. If you have it, you will live for so many years in vain, and you will be a trash snack.
Is this right? Can't live with yourself like this? Can't live with others like this?
Are you human? It is impossible for you to be human without these emotions. Unless you are not human.
I have now resigned from the company I don’t like, and left Beijing.
Yes, I'm on the road I wanted to go in particular. And the salary is much lower than in Beijing.
Do you ask me to face the unknowns of the future, do you fear? Anxious?
Of course I have anxiety and fear,But what about it? Before I have enough abilities, all I can do is to accept my fears and anxiety-not to let them grow wantonly in my heart, but to accept my shortcomings-I am in such a posture now, it is impossible to just Epiphany. Of course, there is the joy of gaining an inch.
Life is only a few decades, so there are so many choices, why bother with yourself?
This world is like a room escape game. You can't get through here. Try another door. Be happy, try a few more times, and be more tolerant of yourself. Maybe you can find the most suitable life exit for you.
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