When one party tries to maintain his marriage and abides by the marriage contract, he finds that the other party has an extramarital affair. The blow is really like going from heaven to hell in an instant.
Sister Si sees her sisters, and when she sees her sisters, she really has mixed feelings when she sees her sisters turning around in such a marriage.
Seeing the sisters, for the cheating man, she was in tears all day long and she was in distress, and she was heartbroken, but what can we do? After all, I am also a woman, and I can understand the feeling of being robbed of my lover; I also understand the heart-wrenching pain of losing my lover.
But, even if I understand, I still want to say that for such a man, sisters are not worth it.
In the most recent Q&A, a sister asked me: "Sister Si, why do so many people still choose to persist when we know that men have hurt us?"
I give An example:
Give you a handful of sweets. You eat one and find that it is bitter. What do you think?
You would think, the next one is definitely sweet.
And in the case of derailment,The original match is like the one who eats sweets. He always feels that although it is bitter now, it will be sweet if persistence. What I think is, it doesn't matter, someone makes mistakes, and just changes.
Don’t think that Sister Si said it very heartily, because the stories of Shell Planet tell us that many originals are unwilling to let go even in the face of pain.
But forgot, the cheating man is like a person pretending to sleep, can you wake up a person pretending to sleep? Obviously it can't.
Since you are a person who pretends to sleep, no matter how much you try to move him and let him go home, will he be moved? Nor, because his heart is no longer in this home. For him, you are just his wife in the legal sense, and the woman outside is the love in his heart.
When a man’s heart is not on you, no matter how much you do, it will be futile. Don’t expect the other person to turn around.
Today I will tell the story of a sister who just came ashore. Sister Si remembers that when she first met her, she was full of energy and desperate for marriage. However, this sister spent half a year. Time, in the desperate place, found the seed of hope, and turned this seed of hope into a powerful force for himself, supporting himself out of the vortex of despair.
When Sister Si asked me if I could make my story public, I agreed without hesitation, because I wanted to tell my sisters who had the same experience that we fell in marriage. Can stand up bravely,Even if we lose that person, we still have ourselves.
I am a girl with good conditions. I have been in a very good family since I was a child, so I have always been very careful in choosing a spouse, because my parents told me that marriage is a lifetime matter, and you should never choose the wrong person.
Later, until I entered the society, I saw the misfortune of the marriage of my sisters around me, and I became more convinced of the words of my parents: "Men are afraid of choosing the wrong line, and women are afraid of marrying the wrong man."
To be honest, I have always been a singleist, because I may have seen too many misfortunes in marriage, and I don’t have much expectations for marriage, so until I was 28, I didn’t talk about a serious eight hundred. Boyfriend.
But, destiny is so magical, and he finally knocked on the door of my heart.
He is an executive from our company. When I came to work on the first day, I was attracted by him. In fact, he may have attracted many girls.
I am not a very outstanding woman, maybe she has an advantage in work ability, so soon, we will have the first intersection.
I still remember that after get off work that day, there was heavy rain outside, I stood at the door of the company, waiting for a taxi innocently, and suddenly honked the whistle. I looked at it and turned it on. He asked me at the window if I wanted to go home, and I said yes, just like that, we had the first contact.
also from then on, he started to follow me from time to time, he would like my social circle, would take the initiative to talk to me, and asked me to help him get some documents and so on.
The relationship has changed. On my birthday, when I came back from lunch break at noon, I found a cake on the table. Colleagues said curiously, which handsome guy ordered this for you, and I am also curious. There is no card or signature on the cake.
And our story begins at this moment.
He waits for me downstairs from my house every day, and drives me to work. After get off work, he hides in the parking lot and creates scenes of me encountering me. Now think about it, too Still very beautiful.
Later, we fell in love, but the company’s requirement was that love between employees was not allowed, and I, at that time, was overwhelmed by love and became the victim. I left naked. Just to achieve this love.
After barely resigning, he said, let me stay at home with peace of mind and do nothing. He said that he supports me, he is responsible for making money and supporting my family, and I am responsible for being beautiful.
God, at that moment, I thought, how could I be so happy.
Of course,We got married later, and he became my legal husband. Until now, I remember his confession at the wedding. He said: "Xiaoying quit her job for me, and sacrificed a lot for me. Now, I can only spend my whole life taking care of her and caring for her. No matter when, I will never abandon her, let alone love her."
On the wedding day, I was moved to cry by him. It's smashing, I thought, what I will welcome is the happiness and protection of a lifetime. However, the good times did not last long. He went to work in a different place due to an external transfer. I was pregnant, so I couldn't follow him.
On the day he left, he told me that he felt sorry for me and could not accompany me and protect me when I was pregnant. Of course, I also understand his work, so tell him not to be too I blame myself and work with peace of mind. I will take care of my parents and the baby in my stomach.
When he first started, he would also make video calls to me every day to ask about my physical condition. At that time, what I expected most was to call me every day, but later on, there were fewer and fewer calls. I thought he was very busy, but in fact he was really busy. He was busy dating another girl.
To say something is really destined, maybe God, want me to see this man's face earlier, so when I was on the video call, I saw that it did not belong to him Clothes, but a transparent lace pajamas.
At that moment, I shouted angrily, who was the pajama, he looked in astonishment, and immediately hung up the video call, and on this side, tears were already streaming down my face.
at this time,The amniotic fluid broke. That night, I gave birth to a lovely daughter in the hospital. I looked at her cute face, tears burst, because I knew that from that moment on, I could no longer give her a complete home, because her father had cheated and no longer belonged to her mother.
On the third day of the birth of the child, he came back and knelt down and told me that I was wrong. Let me forgive him. I want to forgive him. But I am a woman with a particularly strong bottom line. How can I stand such a green hat on my head.
So I filed for a divorce, but he didn't agree. I don't know why. When he didn't agree, my heart was still a little happy. At least he didn't want to divorce me, which means he still loves me.
In this way, he also came back to work. That year, we were very indifferent, because the derailment thing was always stuck in my heart.
But this year, he did a good job. As long as he comes back from work, he will help me take care of my children after the busy get off work at home. I feel that his approach this year, Slowly healed my inner hurt, and even, I began to look forward to it. When he went home, our happiness will continue.
However, it turns out that men are so instinct that they can be changed for a while, and they can't be changed for a lifetime.
After the child’s 2nd birthday, I once again found out that he had cheated. This time I couldn’t accept it more than the last time.Because he has almost madly fallen in love with that woman.
In his words: "When I met her, I realized that two people can be so beautiful."
I really think it's ridiculous now that I think about him. , Then what was our love at the beginning?
During those days, I sent my child to my natal family, and I was at home by myself. Apart from crying and crying, besides the pain is pain, I also thought about divorce, but I can't bear the child, and I can't bear him... ...
From this sister's story, we can see the situation of most of the sisters. It is painful but unable to leave. Why?
01 It’s not that I don’t have the ability to go out, but I don’t want to go
is still derailed and left a lot of painful original choices after being derailed. In marriage, and for men's derailment, choose to be patient.
When a woman puts her emotions, security, and expectations for a better life on a man, she also loses herself.
But the sense of security comes from oneself,We can never get a sense of security from the outside world and others. If the sense of security you expect comes from others, I am afraid that it will be him that will make you bruised in the end, because you have given men the opportunity and the right to hurt you.
I wonder if I was pinched to death by him, knowing that women will forgive themselves, knowing that women can't live without them, knowing that even if they cheat, women can't do anything about themselves. Maybe a fight, or buying some expensive gifts, or talking sweetly, it's just a prevarication. Next time you derail, you can continue to use this method to seek regression.
The ups and downs and repetitions of mood come from the uncontrollable behavior of men. You think he can be counted on, you believe him, and then use the standards of a good husband to demand him. But he didn't want to be a good husband.
What you think is: "As a betrayer, you should take care of my emotions, and you have to coax me" "You, as a husband, should take care of my feelings. Knowing that doing this will make me not Happy" "As a husband, you should take on the responsibilities of this family"... What the man thinks is that he admits his mistakes, says good things, and gives gifts, so what do you want!
And if you do not rely on him, you are independent enough, and you do not ask a man to rely on, then you will not be easily moved by his promises and sweet words, and you will not trust his promises. At the same time, he can see clearly—he is not qualified.
Maybe you will say, "Isn’t I married to find a man to rely on?", and many sisters will say, "I’m afraid. If I get divorced, I have no support."
But think about the years when I didn’t know him,If you study alone, live alone, and work alone, don't you still come over gradually and powerfully? Women can't live without men?
It's 2021. Those women are not as good as men. Men are used to rely on thoughts. It's time to throw them in the trash can.
The fact is that women can hold up half the sky, and women can rely on themselves to live well in society.
02 Sticking to the past and being unable to change with change is the main source of pain
The world is always changing, but we think that our marriage is always the same.
So, should we look at our marriage and our relationship with him from another angle?
When faced with betrayal, many sisters are trapped by two emotions, that is-unwilling and persistent to go back to the past.
They are not reconciled to the family that they have worked so hard to build. They are not reconciled to their years of hard work and sacrifice themselves, but they are kicked away in the end, so that they don’t even have the most basic living ability. , I dare not get divorced, and seek perfection.
At the same time, they are obsessed with the gentle and considerate husband once, obsessed with the happiness and harmony of the family, and obsessed with everything that has been beautiful.
So they endure the insult of being betrayed, go to kneel and lick, to please, just to let their husbands see their own good, and willingly return to the family.
Her husband’s every move touched her heart: her husband looked at the phone, she wondered if she was in contact with San, and the husband was out, she wondered if she was going to meet the third date. Her husband worked overtime and returned late, and she would come back one by one. Call your husband to ask about the time to go home, and you can’t wait to find your place in your husband so that you can always know what your husband does.
The nerve thread in the body has never been loosened, as if once loosened, my husband will disappear.
At this time, you are anxious, suspicious, and lack of security every day. You are no longer the original self.
This is not reconciled. In fact, it is the manifestation of your inner clinging to the past and not wanting to change.
This feeling has changed, his heart has changed, but you don't want to change.
But the earth is turning, people are changing, you remain the same, and you are the only one who suffers. You can't let your heart keep up with the rhythm to adapt and face it. It's only you who are trapped.
So you can no longer escape, you have to accept the reality that your marriage can no longer go back to the past, your husband is no longer qualified, we cannot change each other, we have to see the facts and keep up with the rhythm .
You have to think differently: When he changes his mind, what changes we need to make.
I know you must be thinking at this time,How can I change so that he can change his mind, realize his mistakes, and stop cheating and only love me!
But, wrong! My sister. is not how you need to change to make him change.
The logic itself is wrong.
Jung said: You should never have the idea of trying to change others!
Therefore, we have to make changes, not to change him, but to adapt ourselves to his changes in reality, changes in marriage, and changes in the situation.
What is this change? He changed his mind, he betrayed us.
So how do we change? We can no longer treat him from the perspective of "our own people" as before.
We must start everything from our own point of view, from our own interests, to think about what is best for us.
Yes, as a wife, you must replace the concept of "we" with him with "me".
From then on, he is no longer your lover who shares weal and woe with you and can open your heart, but is just a partner.
you open your heart again,Heartbroken, what he got might be a conspiracy with Xiaosan to hurt him. Therefore, you must wear armor to protect the softest part of yourself. Cut off the emotional connection with him, and became independent since then.
You say, can’t I use my love to exchange his love?
sister, why bother to be so humble? Is he, a cheating man, worth it?
You might say for children.
Yes, for your child, you can be a very competent partner with him. But he is no longer qualified to be your lover.
You have to eliminate dependence and re-evaluate the ability to live alone from the perspective of interests. Re-plan your own future. In this future, there is no "him" anymore.
instead of getting stuck in the hope of going back to the past, right?
When you don’t give your emotions in this marriage, you no longer have internal friction, turn your attention to yourself, and work hard to improve yourself, you will find that this question is actually not difficult to solve. The difficult thing is whether we are willing to solve it. , Would you like to change yourself for yourself.
03 The love that cannot be chased back, giving up is the only way out _p8span _p8span _p8span Just like first seeing,What is Qiufeng sad painting fan, waiting for idle change, but the heart of the old people, but the heart of the old people is easy to change. "
As this poem says, the beauty of the first encounter is true, but the subsequent lack of love and change of heart are also true. Then can you say that love has never been here before, of course, it’s just It has changed, it has faded, it has disappeared.
"Sister Si, true love should never end. Why does his love leave in the middle of the scene? Isn't it true that after so many years of marriage, there is nothing left? Is it worth it?
Who said that if you love or get married, you can’t change your heart? People change all the time, don’t they?
_sp2p
_sp2p Why does he do this, and then automatically attribution , is it because I didn’t do it well enough? Why did he who loved me so much now hurt me so heartily.
dear, please do not do well Don’t blame yourself, it’s not you who made the mistake. In this marriage, you have done a good job. You take care of your family, Gu baby, and Gu’s in-laws. You are a qualified wife. On the contrary, he did not resist others. The test of sex.
You may ask, Sister Si, tell me how to make him the original shape.Love me and love home again?
This may be the question that every sister who reads the article is asking, but unfortunately, the answer to this question is always: is impossible.
Yes, whether he loves you or not is something only he can decide, not something we can decide.
If we think that we please him, do what we like, become attractive, or beat the minor three away, he can become who he used to be and only love you, that would be a big mistake. NS.
If you firmly believe that you have the ability to change each other, then you are not his wife, but his irreversible leader. Because only power can make people obey.
If you know that you don’t have the right to make him change, then instead of focusing your energy on changing the other person, you should focus on thinking about how to organize your life and life.
Once the sea was difficult and the heart changed, it not only means that he is gone, it also means that he is not qualified.
the only thing we can do,It is to accept reality-he betrayed you.
Love has deteriorated, but our lives are not the only ones. You must remember that marriage serves our life. It exists for only one purpose, and that is to make us walk more smoothly and smoothly on this unknown road in life, and if one day, it will no longer play this role. , Then it's time for us to abandon it.
This is like a tumor in the body. Is it because we are afraid of pain and let it go? We all know that only by cutting it off as soon as possible can we have hope of life.
I am not asking you to give up marriage, but to let you give up your fantasy of love.
When you give up loving him, we can do it without letting him come back or changing.
We just need to ask ourselves:
, can we survive without him?
Without him, would we have enough money?
Without him, how would we solve the problem of raising children and working?
without him,How do we solve the family problems such as car scratches, broken light bulbs, and clogged toilets?
And, if I am widowed, can I take care of my life?
If you can think of the answers to these questions, then you will be on the road to happiness in life.
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