There is an impressive scene in "Welcome". Chen Jingdian's parents came to Beijing from their hometown to see him. When the parents saw their son who was working as a doorman, they were furious.
In the rental house, Chen’s father asked his son why he lied to him, because Chen’s father always believed that his son was very capable and thought that he would do a decent job in a good company in Beijing.
If he had known that his son was doing so poorly, he would have sent him back to his hometown to work.
At the dinner table, Chen Jingdian had a showdown with his parents. He missed the postgraduate entrance examination by 3 points for the first time, 13 points for the second time, and more than 80 points for the third year.
He directly told his father that he was at this level, and his father was very angry at his words.
Because in the eyes of his father, he felt that his son was very powerful and should find a decent job and find a well-matched girlfriend, but Chen Jingdian's behavior made him sad.
He cannot accept a son who thinks he has no future. He wants a son who can make him look good.
Father Chen’s idea just proves that sentence: My love for you is conditional. I will only love you when you are promising.
Parents’ unconditional love for their children should come from the heart. Parents should first pass their own test and learn to accept the ordinaryness of their children.
1. Learn to accept that children are not as good as themselves.
Ding Yanqing, associate professor of at Peking University School of Education, laughed in an interview video. I complained about my daughter one by one - I taught my children to change their fate against the will of heaven, but she taught me to accept my fate.
Hearing such complaints, he could see Professor Ding’s expectations for his daughter.
Professor Ding was able to memorize the Xinhua Dictionary at the age of 6, but no matter how much tutoring he gave his daughter, her daughter's grades were always mediocre. Later, he had no choice but to give up and let his daughter develop freely.
Because Professor Ding and his wife are both highly educated, and after working hard to raise their daughter, her daughter cannot reach the level of her parents, so he accepted that his daughter is not as good as him in learning.
Learn to accept that your children are not as good as yourself, and only by letting go of your children and yourself will you have a broader vision.
Li Meijin is a parenting expert, but her daughter’s academic performance is not outstanding.
Her daughter got 15 points in math when she was in middle school.
After hard work, my daughter’s grades still haven’t improved much.
She no longer worries about her daughter’s math scores and allows her daughter to grow up happily.
Later, she discovered that her daughter had an advantage in music and asked her to learn music, and her daughter became a music teacher.
All roads lead to Rome, and there are many roads to happiness, but they all start from accepting that children are not as good as themselves. Some successes do not involve copying and pasting. There is no need to keep relying on children to follow your own template.
2. Don’t force your children
Zheng Yuanjie ’s son Zheng Yaqi has only an elementary school education, but his daughter has a Ph.D.
Why do the same family education produce different academic qualifications?
It turned out that Zheng Yaqi couldn't stand the strict teachers and couldn't adapt to the school system when he went to school on the first day.
He used to receive happy teaching at home.
Seeing how painful it was for his son to go to school, Zheng Yuanjie compiled more than ten textbooks and taught his son at home. He combined work and rest, and the child learned a lot of knowledge.
He also told his daughter that she didn’t need to go to school.
Because he compiled teaching materials for his brother, he can continue to use them.
But my daughter showed a strong interest in going to school.
In this way, the two brothers and sisters have different educational experiences, but each has achieved very good results in his own field.
Do not force children, let them make their own choices, and respect them, which allows children to better utilize their strengths.
Children can have a life that they decide for themselves.
Education expert Yin Jianli When her daughter was a child, she saw her daughter’s after-school homework and felt that some of the arrangements were not very reasonable, such as reading.
She will dictate to her daughter. Those who are good at dictation will not copy the words. If not, she will just let her daughter write it twice.
During the rest of the time, she let her daughter read extracurricular books and do things she liked.
Natsume Soseki said in "I am a Cat" "All pain comes from forcing!"
Isn't there a saying that "forced melons are not sweet", we don't want to be controlling parents, because you can control the behavior of your children. , but cannot control the child's heart.
Smart parents will know not to force their children. The more repressed the child is, the greater the possibility of resistance in the future. Where there is oppression, there will be resistance.
When children feel that they have the ability to compete with their parents, parent-child conflicts will break out.
It is the child's happiness not to force the child to live his life according to his own wishes.
3 Children have their own path
Sometimes we always like to say that we don’t want our children to encounter the difficulties we have encountered, so we keep adding more pressure on our children.
But can we fully understand the inner thoughts of children? Do you really understand your child's heart?
There is an issue of "Daddy in Charge" which is a survey on fathers. The questions above are all about their children.
Questions include when is the child’s birthday, what animation is the child’s favorite, what size of shoes does the child wear, etc.
The father who was interviewed vowed at first that he understood his child, but the answers he gave were vastly different from the child's answers.
According to statistics, the correct rate of these answers is only 5%.
In fact, we don’t understand children as well as we think. We need to listen to children’s ideas and understand their children’s hobbies.
There is an impressive family in " Tell the World I Can ".
Mother will arrange a party for her daughter Zixuan, and even rehearse everything the child will say. She is responsible for arranging everything about her daughter.
This mother takes her daughter to 10 interest classes a day. The child's weekend is completely packed by his mother.
Zixuan was unhappy the whole time she participated in the interest classes. After participating in so many interest classes, there were only a few that she really liked, and they were all requested by her mother.
In the interview, the mother’s idea was not to give her daughter the same hard work as she did before, but to make her daughter’s life happier in the future.
However, the daughter said in the interview that she does not like her mother at all.
My mother cried when she saw this interview.
She began to reflect on whether she was too strict with her daughter.
She began to adjust her thinking and took her daughter to participate in outdoor sports. Zixuan's face finally showed a long-lost smile.
This mother said that she is also considering reducing the number of interest classes for her daughter so that her children can really start to choose what they like.
Keigo Higashino said in "Fate", "I hate letting my life be in the hands of others. I want to do what I want to do."
Adults don't like others to dictate their lives, let alone children.
Children have their own path to take in life. If parents blindly do things that hurt the relationship between parents and children under the banner of doing good for their children, then the gain will outweigh the loss.
4Ordinaryness is the norm
Zhou Guoping said: Everything extraordinary in the world will eventually return to ordinary. Live an ordinary life well and your life will be complete.
Ordinariness is the norm. If you always train your children to be outstanding, your children will only live without themselves.
In "Come on Mom", the children in the Little Rabbit class were very nervous during the school art festival, in order to perform perfectly.
When Youyou took out her mother's happy medicine, every child rushed to take it, and in the end, every child was hospitalized.
Xiaoyang’s mother regretted it and felt that she had harmed her child.
It turns out that Xiaoyang’s mother hopes that her child will get a place in a prestigious elementary school through the performance of the little host.
It turns out that this happy pill is an antidepressant. Children are usually afraid of taking bitter pills. In order to make their mother happy, Xiaoyang also competes to take it.
Parents sometimes need to relax and not force their children too much.
Sometimes the higher the expectations, the more nervous the children will be. The more nervous a child is, the less likely he or she will be able to live up to his or her expectations.
Sometimes in life, you have to accept your fate. If parents themselves do not have an extraordinary life, how can they expect their children to have an outstanding life?
We always like to add our expectations and ideals to our children.
Who has ever thought about whether their children can bear this.
What we have to do is to give our children the greatest protection in life and study, including life and study.
There is a saying that is good, ordinary is blessing, ordinary is true, and the present is the best.
Life is ordinary and ordinary. Being able to live an ordinary life extraordinary is also a unique ability.
