Should children complain, hold them accountable, or face them together if they make mistakes? Start with a true story.
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Because the next day of the school is Wednesday Parent-Child Day, parents can go to school to have a meal with their children. In addition, I was far away from home, so I told the teacher that I went to school the next afternoon to see the teacher and the child. The next day, on the way to school, I kept thinking about what to do. If it was me who made the mistake, my parents should have just "slap" without saying a word, and then scolded... Think about how I felt at that time, without blaming myself, nor did they think about learning from my mistakes. All they had was full of hatred - they were hatred for teachers and hatred for parents who were simply and roughly beaten and scolded.
smashing the table may be intentional trouble or prank, or unintentional negligence. If it is intentional prank, you may have been prepared to be criticized by the teacher or beaten by your parents. What role can your parents' beating and scolded? If it is a mistake, the child will definitely be blaming and afraid. How can parents beat and scold them? After thinking about it over and over again, I decided to change the method this time.
When I saw the child, I didn’t say it was the teacher who invited the parents. Instead, I will go to dinner with my children first. Seeing that the child was obviously in a bad mood, I asked the child if there was anything wrong. The child hesitated for a moment, but he reluctantly said that he smashed the table. I asked him how he smashed it, and he said that he just put a stack of books on the table, and who knew the table would be broken. I believe what the child is right, because the material of the desk is, the pressure it can withstand, and how heavy the book will be if it is smashed. I feel that based on the child's cognition, he really cannot evaluate it. I continued to ask him, what should I do next? The child said that he wanted to write a check, and the teacher said that if the school pursued the matter, the table would be compensated.
Seeing that things have been basically figured out, I didn't continue to ask. Quickly change the topic and have a meal with your children. After dinner, I walked out of the restaurant. I walked to the child, patted the child on the shoulder and said: Actually, the teacher called Dad last night and told Dad that you made a mistake. Because it was far away, Dad didn’t come here in time. Dad, Dad knows that in your heart, this is a huge thing. You don’t know what the school will deal with next, nor how Dad will deal with it. Dad doesn’t know how you survived this day. Now that Dad already knows the matter, you have a way to deal with it. You can do what you need to do, and what your dad needs to do, Dad will do it. If you write a check, dad will go to your teacher. It is your business to write a check, and it is your business to need compensation.
The child nodded and held back and didn't say anything. We walked towards the classroom and I said, "Children, why did you smash the table so hard? Are the classmates and parents coming to visit every Wednesday, but their parents didn't come, and they missed their parents?
The child suddenly stopped and tears flowed down.
The child just went to Zhengzhou to go to school in the first year of junior high school and lived in the school. He left his home for the first time and left his parents. In order to let the children adapt slowly, the school arranged a visit on Wednesday. Almost all parents in Zhengzhou city will go to see their children because we are not in Zhengzhou and can only see their children on weekends. But the child seemed very strong. Last weekend he said he didn't have to visit him, and he didn't want to go home!
I understood the child at once. He wanted to support his desire to not miss home or increase burden to his parents, but in his young heart, he could not hide the irritability and anxiety of homesickness, especially when most children are accompanied by their parents. How lonely and disappointed should the child be!
helped the child wipe away the tears. I said, child, dad understands, your mother and I will come to see you when there is time on Wednesday in the future. The child said, it's okay, it's not for anything. I shouldn't smash the table so heavily, and let you run over so far.
Later, the child wrote a check, and I found the head teacher and apologized, but the school did not pursue the matter again.I feel that through this matter, children will definitely learn lessons, learn to control their emotions, learn to be more steady, and learn to deal with some problems.
To sum up, if a child makes a mistake, the first thing to do is to figure out the true situation of the matter, analyze the causes of the error, and solve it in a targeted manner. Second, you must have empathy, which is what the book says, " empathize with ". You should think about the problem from the perspective of the child and consider the child's feelings and mood. Third, we must stand on the side of the child, be the backing of the child, and solve problems with the child. Fourth, we must teach our children to take responsibility. There are some irreparable mistakes. We must make the children brave enough to take responsibility.
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