How happy are children with growing parents? This law of communication, everyone should know...

The following articles are from Fan Deng reading , the author reading Jun

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strong span_strongspan_strong span_span4 Forget one thing,

that is that we also need to grow up,

In other words, we should learn to perceive and think from the process of parenting,

and think,

Children grow and progress together.

not only shortens the distance between us and our children,

can also guide children to explore and learn actively... (ID: readingclub_btfx)

What is the hot topic that parents know the most about you?There are nearly 20,000 answers below.

one of the answers lists the "mistakes" that almost all Chinese parents have made:

1span _span1 I like to scold my children in vicious language and threaten them at every turn;

double standard, always only speak their own truth;

likes to spy on the privacy of children;

Do whatever you want and treat your child as a punching bag...

There is no parent who doesn’t love children, but there are some parents who sometimes lack the ability to love children because of hard, twisted and wrong ways of loving. Turn love into hurt.

There is a sentence in the CCTV family education documentary "Mirror":

"Every child is born as a blank sheet of paper, and the parents are what they paint. ,The key lies in the parents.

Therefore, what kind of person you want your child to be, you must first become what kind of person.

Growing parents are the blessings of a child's life.

Those who have been treated gently to grow up, regardless of their personal achievements, will always have an irresistible sunshine, self-confidence and natural self-esteem.

We want to cultivate children with a growth mindset. Parents must first set an example and let themselves change their thinking mode and the way they look at children, and continue to accompany their children to practice growth mindset.

01

allow children to make mistakes,

accept the child is not perfect

"make mistakes" for children,Not a bad thing.

What parents need to do is to help their children learn from every mistake.

This is the key to helping children have a growth mindset.

Zhu Yongxin said in "Let Children Create Yourself":

Growth is a process of "trial and error".

The heart of a child is like a young sprout, which is easily hurt.

If you say something wrong or do something wrong, you will be severely criticized by your parents, and you will never say it again or do it. These will hinder your child's growth.

At this point, Ying Caier has done a good job. Recently, it has been frequently searched by "textbook" education methods.

In the variety show "New Diary 2", Jasper used the camera of the show team to shoot the self-made "Flash",Because my mother didn't buy the right clothes, she was angry and deleted all the videos in the camera.

She criticized Jasper and gave him enough time to digest his emotions.

After that, Jasper and the director team admitted their mistakes and took the initiative to apologize to each shot.

Ying Caier said:

I think stress resistance is very important.

This thing may not destroy you, but you destroy yourself first.

If you encounter problems, you need to learn how to deal with them.

If the child makes a mistake, he will be completely denied or even personally attacked by the child.

will also make him feel "I can't" self-denial,Even give up any more attempts.

If you respond positively, things will develop in a good direction.

often practice the "I can correct" thinking model with the child. The child will have a more and more positive attitude towards making mistakes, and form a positive way of thinking, and learn from the mistakes And harvest.

02

not attach tags to the children,

forward to actively guide children to express

parents Everything you say to your child is like a magic spell.

How you talk to your child determines who he will become.

However, in daily life, many parents always unconsciously label their children negatively, comparing their children with "children of other people's families".

Why are you so stupid? Said it several times but couldn't understand it.

You are so courageous, you must grow up to be hopeless.

If you look at other people's children, why don't you?

_blockquote118 blockquote

The book "Meeting the Unknown You" says:

blockquote87 blockquote

to identify with others quickly feel.

However, sometimes, if you are too obsessed with your own label, you will gradually lose your true self.

Children are still in the stage of self-recognition and exploration. If parents often put negative labels on their children, they will solidify their perceptions of themselves and form negative implications for their children.

Each of us has a deep desire to be recognized. Adults have them, and children have more.

Generally speaking, the value of encouraging children is far greater than reprimanding.

Encouraging words will make children feel more secure and guide their positive growth.

In the movie " Miracle Boy ", Augie is a 10-year-old boy with a natural facial deformity.

His unusual appearance is often ridiculed or even bullied by his classmates. But his mother Isabel has always been his solid backing. She told Augie:

You are not ugly at all, those who really want to know you will understand.

Because I am your mother, speaking is the most important thing, because I know you best.

You are different by nature, but you don't have to hide, because God has very important things for you to do, so that makes you different from others.

It is this unconditional love and encouragement that allows Augie to treat this world with humor, tolerance and understanding.

Don’t give your children negative vigor,At the same time, don't always compare your child with other children.

This way a child will feel that the most important thing to maintain his self-esteem system is to win over others and be better than others. He will always be in a system that competes with others and is afraid to pursue big challenges. I want to pursue the feeling of winning.

CCTV host and parent-child education expert Wang Xiaoqian told us that there are three levels of happiness:

block1span is the lowest level of quotation 1span 87 Comparable;

is followed by non-competitive happiness, which is compared with oneself;

The highest level is unconditional happiness.

You can be happy to win, but you can't afford to lose. Let your children care more about their own growth rather than winning or losing.

03

Learn to control emotions,

Really do not yell or yell at children

p0span There is a rule that all parents should know and master about . It is the famous "55387 law" .

55387, which is 55%+38%+7%=100%.

55% are attitudes in communication, including body language, facial expressions, wearing appearance, etc.; 38% are the tone and tone of the speech; 7% are the content of the speech.

When Mr. Shushu saw this law for the first time, he was shocked and agreed with it.

The shock stems from the fact that we are always accustomed to focus on the content of what we speak, while ignoring a lot of things outside the language content.

When a lot of parents get angry, their eyes are staring, their voices become louder, and their tone is full of blame and impatience.Maybe the finger has been pointed to the tip of the child's nose or head.

The brain replenishes this image, attitude and tone, and loses all 93 points. How can a child be obedient?

But I didn't realize it at all, and I was always struggling with "What I said was right, why don't you listen"!

Children’s education and child psychology have a common point of view. Children are the captives of emotions. Whatever emotions they capture, they will be aligned with any emotions, and children are masters of capturing emotions. , Sensitive and precise.

When they find that their parents' actions, tone, and attitude contain negative emotions such as accusations, complaints, and impatience, they will immediately let these emotions become their own, and then use these emotions to confront their parents.

Emotions, whether positive or negative, will always accompany us, but we need to learn to accept emotions and learn to recognize the deep source of our emotions.

When we can’t calm down, we can use "Escape the scene method" ,Express your feelings in a steady tone, which plays a key role in maintaining a good parent-child relationship.

A child is a mirror for parents, and every word and deed of a parent will affect the child in a subtle way.

04

growth do parents,

initiative to guide children to explore and learn

Children just want to play and don't want to learn. This should be a typical scene of thousands of families in China, and it is also a super drama where parents and children fight for wisdom and courage.

Soviet psychologist Piaget pointed out that children will actively learn knowledge and rules while playing, which will help them improve their autonomy and expression.

If parents can "play" with their children in an open mind and way, a richer cognitive map will be formed in the children's head.

As parents, we must continuously improve our learning ability in order to have a positive and positive impact on children's learning.

What you want to learn must be told from the child's mouth. Parents only do screening, recommendation and guidance, but the decision to learn must be given to the child.

Each of us has a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. As a parent, you must first cultivate your own growth mindset before you can pass it on to your children.

I like very much. Hillary Clinton said a word:

, it’s the first time you let us be your mother. Grow together.

Becoming a growing parent is a choice that wise parents should make.

05

written in the last

the more we know how to get along with children,The more you know how to get along with yourself, and the more you know how to get along with the world.

This is the best age for parenting because of the convenient access to information and diverse learning methods.

This is also an era when parenting is not so good, because of the expansion of information, parenting anxiety has been over-amplified and spread.

"

how not to be abandoned by the times,

raise a better child?

”

* Source: The article comes from Fan Deng's book (ID: readingclub_btfx), reading lightens life.

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