grows a child, a happy family,
influences a society.
Post-70s and post-80s may have been beaten up. There are too few children who have never been beaten by their parents since childhood. But the strange thing is that these children grow up in good health. They don't remember their parents, but are more filial to them.
Look at the current children again, the parents haven't beaten them yet? Some children begin to hold grudges against their parents. Some children were criticized by their parents and threatened them to commit suicide by jumping off the building. The school teachers even dare not fight, and now they have to be well-versed in criticism.
may be strange to many people. Why can't children now fight? Why are you so sensitive to being beaten? The actual reason is very simple.
First: In the past, children were poor in material life and hardly pursued themselves, but now children pay more attention to inner pursuits.
In the past, people were poor. So people's wishes were simple at that time.
The biggest wish of children may be to eat meat, eat a full meal, and look forward to wearing new clothes for the New Year. People have no spiritual pursuits when their material life is not yet satisfied.
Maslow's theory divides needs into five categories: physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging, respect and self-realization, and they are arranged in order from lower to higher levels. The popular explanation is: if a person lacks food, safety, love and respect at the same time, usually the demand for food is the strongest, and other needs are less important.
So when we were young, we were able to tolerate the beatings of our parents, as long as we were full and well-fed, we could endure any other suffering.
But what about the kids now?
Now children have everything from birth, and there is no poor concept of food and clothing, because as long as there is a need, parents will always be satisfied. So what they pursue is love, freedom, recognition, and the value of life. So they can't stand being beaten by their parents. Look at the Internet. Some children ran away from home and committed suicide by jumping off the building because they were beaten by their parents.
In short, the two generations have different starting points, so we can no longer use old concepts to educate these children. The current children's expectation of playing to educate is really not good.
Second: The current children know too much, see too much, and their hearts are more rich and sensitive.
Look at the children around you, do they feel smart? Too much smarter than the kids of the past?
Now children have entered a high-tech modern society as soon as they are born. They see and listen a lot, so they know a lot.
A few-year-old child may play well with his mobile phone, and he can also watch various cartoons and early education programs. The knowledge they have been exposed to in just a few years may be many times that of children in the past. Because they know so much, they are more likely to mature prematurely, and their hearts are more sensitive and rich.
Look at the children around you. Even if the adults don’t fight, they may just criticize a few words, but some children cannot bear it. Some children get angry at every turn and throw the table down, and the adults still don't know why.
They may have grown up in their hearts, but we still treat them as children. So we can no longer educate them in the past methods, and we can't just start fighting at every turn.
Third: Educate children as early as possible, and don’t do anything if they don’t fight after they are 6 years old.
has been a teacher for many years and has seen too many parents. Even if the child stands taller than himself, he will hit the child no matter where he gets angry. I personally think that after 6 years old, don't hit your child again.
When a child was young, he really wanted to set rules for his child and be able to fight appropriately, but after the age of 6, the child is already sensible and understands a lot of truths. If you hit it again, it will easily arouse the child's disgust.
As for children who are older, they should not be able to beat them, especially if they cannot be beaten when there are outsiders. This will seriously hurt the children's self-esteem. No matter how good a child studies, how naughty, but he has self-esteem, we must respect.
Respecting a person is far easier to gain his trust than using force to conquer a person. The relationship between many children and their parents has deteriorated. The most important thing to reflect on is the parents, usually because of their disrespect.
Times have changed, and our children have also changed early. The only thing that remains unchanged is our educational methods and concepts.
current child, if you tell him againThe past was so bitter, let him cherish the happy life now, they can't realize it, no matter how you say it, they can't realize it, very simple, because they have never experienced it.
Of course, the children nowadays are so fragile because they are too happy, but there is no way they can catch up with the best times. Children after
may be more difficult to educate, and may not even have any effect on playing. So educating children is really a college question. Only by continuous learning can adults keep up with the growth of children.
For a long time, parents like to use "not obedient" to measure the quality of a child.
Children who are obedient, sensible and submissive will always get unanimous appreciation from their parents and teachers.
However, when parents always asked their children to be obedient when they were young, they would bury all kinds of hidden dangers for his future.
01
A child who is too obedient is destined not to go too far.
TV series often have such a plot:
is a "good boy" who has good grades, obedient and sensible in everyone's eyes, and entered a large company a few years later, or a small one. What you have achieved become your own boss;
and those students who don’t study well and sleep all day in the class, the last one will either live hard or work hard and earn a meager salary to support the family.
But most of the stories in real life are the opposite: the classmates who were once regarded as "bad boys" in the class, when they grow up, many of them are mixed up. Some of
have also joined large companies, and have achieved leadership positions within a few years, and some have even opened companies and become bosses.
And those "good kids" with excellent grades, after a few years of graduation, have a mediocre life. They may have a job that looks good, but they are the moonlight clan, who can barely support themselves, and they have been doing it for years. such.
But in this society, too obedient children really suffer.
"Obey" means that children are very compliant with their parents' decisions and wishes, but never know what they want.
may still want to rebel against him at first, but he has become accustomed to the "obedient" state of mind and is used to being arranged.
Over time, children may feel that their inner voice is no longer important, as long as the parents are happy and satisfied.
Think about it, is such a child really what you expected in the first place? As everyone knows, obedient and sensible children usually adapt to their parents' education at the expense of suppressing their true self, in exchange for love and affirmation.
When a child chooses to suppress his own feelings and needs, to be an obedient and sensible child, to think and act in accordance with the instructions of the adults, and to cater to the emotions of the adults, the "true self" will gradually disappear and the "fake self" will continue to develop powerful.
As they grow up, they gradually become accustomed to this "fake self". They treat everyone with the needs of others first, and first consider the feelings and emotions of others.
If things go on like this for a long time, I don’t know what I like or want, I don’t know myself, and I dare not live out myself.
If you lose your true self and live for others forever, it will be difficult to obtain happiness and painful entanglement throughout your life.
Therefore, many Boworth psychologists have found that the more "behaved" and "obedient" children were when they were young, the more psychological problems they will have when they grow up.
Children who are too obedient and obedient will encounter problems in their ability development when they grow up.
They usually have no opinion, lack the ability to choose, and dare not take responsibility; dare not express themselves, dare not reject others, and do not deal with interpersonal relationships.
02
Cultivate children’s ideological independence
has such a mother, and most of everyone’s impressions and evaluations of her are: a very "lazy" mother ("lazy" here means that she is lazy in thinking), but I I think she is a very wise mother.
The one thing she said the most to her son Xiao Rui was: "I don't know, think of a solution by yourself."
remembers one time when I went to play at her house, Xiao Rui's remote control toy car broke down, ask her for help . But she said, "I don't know, think of a solution yourself."
Later, Xiao Rui pulled out the toolbox from the bed, and I asked him what he wanted to do. He said: "My toys were broken before. I remember my father repaired them like this. I tried it."
He took out various tools from the toolbox, including plum knives, cross knives, screwdrivers, pliers...I tried it again, opened the back cover of the toy car, then removed the old battery, replaced two new batteries, and finally the toy car could run.
Although the whole process took a long time, I was still surprised.
A 5-year-old child has learned to disassemble the toy car and change the battery by himself.
Xiao Rui also has a talent that is different from ordinary children in Lego. Z1z
's mother said that Xiao Rui was not very interested in buying him a bunch of Lego toys at the beginning, but he spent a lot of thought to train and improve his logical thinking ability and practical ability. For example,
guides him to assemble a toy car he likes. As long as the child is willing to do it, there will be no problem later. When Xiao Rui after
wants to assemble another shape, he will still say: "I don't know, you can figure it out."
Now, Xiao Rui can assemble many shapes independently. In the Lego competition held in kindergarten, Also won the first place.
Under the influence of "lazy" education, Xiao Rui also learned simple cooking skills such as frying eggs and cooking noodles.
She has not been in and out of Xiao Rui's room for more than half a year now. Basically, Xiaowei cleans up by herself, folding clothes, folding quilts, collecting toys and cleaning the room.
In fact, the best education a mother can give to her child is to "let go". Only when parents are willing to let go, can the child learn to live independently, think independently, and complete work independently, and he can take charge of his own life independently.
If parents interfere too much with their children and decide everything for their children, then the children can easily develop an ideologically dependent personality. Even if they have the opportunity to be able to make decisions on their own, they will hesitate and do not know what to do.
03
Learn to be a long-term parent
Whether parents have a long-term vision determines the future pattern of their children.
But one thing we have to admit is the impact of native family education on children.
What kind of family is best for the growth of children?
When we become parents, perhaps you will find that we will more or less carry the shadow of our original parents. This is the influence of the original family.
Therefore, we must learn to abandon some bad ideas in the original family education to educate our next generation. No one is born to be a parent, and being a parent requires continuous learning.
If the parents are a long-term person, then the child will learn to enlarge the life pattern and the values will be higher.
In real life, too many parents have given up on their children because of their children’s poor academic performance. "You are not learning materials. You might as well enter the society in advance to work and earn money." Under the influence of this kind of thinking, over time, the child will give up learning and lose the motivation to learn.
also has some parents with a long-term vision. Even if the family is poor, they will respect their children’s desire to go to college and send their children to a bigger city;
also have some parents who encourage their children to go even if their children’s academic performance is only in the middle of the class. Reading a college degree, always encourage children to have a hardworking spirit.
You might say that the future is unpredictable, and that parents’ vision can determine their children’s future, is it too early?
However, the parents' long-term vision and ideas will definitely determine the child's growth environment, and the subtle influence will penetrate into the child's mind, and then affect their every life choice.
Therefore, as parents, it is necessary for us to teach children the true truth of the saying "stand tall can see far."
