received a private message from a fan a while ago, saying that he had beaten his three and a half-year-old son for the first time yesterday in his life. It turned out that this fan took his son to the elder's house as a guest. When the son saw that the sofa was very wide, he jumped on it. The mother stopped it many times, but the child still didn't mean to stop, and even spit at the mother.
believe that many parents now know the harm of corporal punishment of their children. However, if they blindly condone, they will not "punish" their children at all. The harm is even greater than "beating children." What's more troublesome is that if they don't use punishment strategies to help children establish a sense of rules, when they become more naughty, parents may eventually choose "corporal punishment" as a means of controlling the situation. So what exactly is a "punishment strategy" and how should it be used? Today we will talk about this topic.
When is it necessary to punish children?
Soviet educator Ian Kailov once said: “Without punishment, there is no education!
In fact, punishment is a very important proposition in the children’s education system. When children have bad behaviors At that time, educators used serious and compulsory methods to correct their mistakes. This was originally a normal way of education. However, quite a lot of parents did not master the correct "punishment strategy", not like the fan at the beginning of the article, blindly indulging their children. In the end, I couldn’t help but beat the child; I found that the more punished the child, the less obedient. When should the “punishment” method be activated?
Compared with positive incentives, punishment is a more immediate educational method. To give a simple example, if a child always runs in the middle of the road, when using the positive education method, his parents may guide him back to the sidewalk, and then encourage him to say: "The baby knows to walk on the sidewalk, it’s awesome. "But the punishment is to scold the child immediately when he crosses the road indiscriminately.
Faced with the dangerous and urgent behavior of crossing the street, it is obviously unrealistic for the child to try and learn the result. The child’s attention is diverted. So it is better to punish immediately.
Therefore, punishment is more suitable for those wrong behaviors that occur immediately and contain major principles, rather than long-term habits, such as Problems with homework, etc..
Four principles of punishment
Some parents may say that I did not blindly condone the child, but why the more I punish him, the more he resists, or doesn’t care at all, maybe the problem lies in We have not mastered the correct method of punishment. So what principles should the punishment follow in order to have an effect?
1, the punishment should be timely
When we find that the child has a principled error, such as jumping on someone’s sofa without permission, right The mother spit. It should be punished immediately and cannot be delayed until leaving someone else’s home for re-education, because the effect of the punishment will be greatly reduced. The purpose of punishment is to let the child associate the wrong behavior with the punishment. If it takes too long, it will be counterproductive. The correct way is to take him away from the elder’s home immediately.
2, targeted
One of my girlfriends spit on me, saying that one day my son will have to jump down from the window sill. She said it was dangerous and she told him Say: "If you don't behave like this, I'll let you go to the penalty station! "As a result, although my son was scared away at the time, when my girlfriend finished washing the dishes, he found that he had gone back and "jumped on the window sill."
here, disobedience is a very general term. The child was confused and didn't know what he was doing. What was wrong. Over time, he will regard it as an emotional vent from his parents and would not consider it as punishment. So it is better to say: "Jumping on the window sill is dangerous. If you jump on the window sill again, go to the penalty station. "Z2z
3, the punisher is in a stable mood
When punishing children, mom and dad might as well ask themselves to review the image of the "enforcer" police uncle. When the law is enforced to punish people, are their emotions very stable? Do this? Pointing is not easy, but it is very necessary. Once Qian Bao threw colored pencils everywhere. I looked at the mess on the ground, and suddenly became angry. I yelled at him: "Don’t throw pens everywhere.Both, do not respect the fruits of my labor at all! When I was a free waiter..." When I vented my mental emotions and tiredness, I saw my son staying on the spot, and found that the whole situation had deviated from the original intention of punishment.
We always said, child If you make a mistake, your parents first control your emotions. This does not mean that you let your child be fooled, but that you are required to punish the child with a stable emotion. Therefore, if not, we can easily digress and turn the punishment into venting emotions and give the child Bring unnecessary insults and harm.
4, short reasoning
In addition to emotional stability, if you want to correct the child's behavior, reasoning should be as short as possible, which also requires calm emotions and certain skills. For example, if the baby treats food Toys, in fact, just say: "Don't play with food, otherwise I will take your food. "There is no need to go into a long discussion about how the uncle farmers work hard and how the food comes from. The more they talk about it, they forget what they have done wrong.
formulate a "punishment strategy" suitable for children.
In the first episode of the program, Professor Li Meijin said: Punishment is sometimes a kind of protection for children.
In fact, the punishment strategy is the "legal system" in the process of children's growth. In a company, there are people who work hard and diligently. Incentives and punishments for late employees. This is a healthy system. Internal incentives and external constraints work together in behavior. The four weapons of punishment
In the punishment toolbox of parents, there are usually four weapons: Corporal punishment, mandatory orders, withdrawal of love, and induction. Let’s explain them one by one.
Corporal punishment: takes effect quickly and has obvious side effects. It has been criticized for being abused by past parents and teachers.
Mandatory order: uses body language Forcing the child to stop wrong behaviors, such as scolding, taking away from the scene, taking control, etc.
take back love : I will not love you any more naughty, and I will leave if you do this. Side effects are equivalent to physical punishment, but they are often used.
induction: is one of the most difficult methods, which requires the perseverance of parents and the ability to control emotions. But it is effective in the long run and allows children to form correct behaviors.
misunderstandings about punishment methods
handles the most troublesome problem in parenting When we act, we often have two wrong perceptions: The first is to never punish children physically. The physical punishment is not completely wrong, but it can’t be used frequently. In some extreme cases, we can use it with caution, and we must do well in the follow-up. Dealing with this will be mentioned later.
The second is that only one punishment method can be used. For example, many parents say in private messages that I also want to reason with my children, but I really can’t control my emotions and insist on not Come down. Then go back to the old road of corporal punishment. But in fact, we can combine these four tools according to the characteristics of the child.
Combination of punishment methods according to the temperament type
There is a type of child who is naturally sensitive and feels very safe. It is easy to be destroyed, as long as a little stimulation can make him recognize mistakes and not make mistakes. When facing such children, corporal punishment and withdrawal of love must be used with caution. Induction methods can be used to correct wrong behaviors.
But if The children themselves are naughty and lively, especially the boys who are in the first hormonal outbreak. If the induction does not work, they can take appropriate tough measures. If the problem is serious and the child’s attitude is very poor, physical punishment can be cautious.
Ps : However, it should be noted that during or after corporal punishment, express emotional support to the child. For example, a friend said that his father beat him but did not cause him much harm, because every time he beat his father, he behaved more uncomfortable than him. I would also explain to him afterwards that he was doing so badly that his father had to discipline him.
Cici has something to say: no matter what punishment strategy adopts to children, we must understand in our hearts that punishment is never an end but a means. Punishment is not necessary for constructing a child’s normative behavior. If the child can agree to abide by the rules, thenThe toolbox of punishment can be closed forever.
picture from the Internet, invaded
