"Pampering" and "love" are really not the same thing.
I don't know if you have ever encountered such a situation. In daily life, some parents are obedient to their children and must have whatever their children want, thus raising many little princesses and emperors. Many children's problems arise from parents' unconditional and unreasonable pampering. Obviously we know that "spoiling" is wrong, but we don't know what true love is and what "spoiling" is.
Then, we must first know what the essence of "pampering" and "love" is.
Love and doting are not degrees of the same thing. They are essentially different. The essence of love is to give children freedom, tolerance, and appreciation, while the essence of doting is control, arrogance, and criticism.
Doting is not love, it is possession and control disguised as love. It is adults managing children according to their own will and depriving children of their independence. The psychological basis behind it is fear and distrust. "Pampering" is not too much love, but "too much control and arrangement in the name of love." Pampering will prevent children from losing many of their living abilities, which is why "spoiled" children will have many problems, such as having no independent opinions, being in a nest, and having no empathy.
Love is to give children freedom and cultivate their independence. The foundation and premise is to trust children. Only free people can have independent thoughts and character, and have the capital to settle down in life. Therefore, if parents want to cultivate independent and happy children, they must know how to return freedom and tolerance to their children.
Here, we also have to explain what freedom is. The meaning of "freedom" is definitely not to do whatever you want, or even to act recklessly. Real freedom is not about laissez-faire, but about giving children the right to choose, try and make mistakes, so that they can gain the life experience necessary for growth.
Fresher air is better for people's health, and more love will make children grow better.
Children's healthy growth must receive sufficient love, that is, sufficient freedom, just like humans must have fresh air and water. As long as it is normal love, no matter how much you give, it will not make the child bad. Under normal circumstances, a child's natural expression must be kind and beautiful. This is nature, and true growth must be the result of free choice. Any form of lack or deprivation of love will cause some degree of psychological trauma to the child.
