"It's worth it to throw a watch to get rid of his gaming addiction!"
When the child's father suddenly snatched the phone watch from his son's hand and threw it to the ground, the child and I were both confused at the moment! No one expected that the father would get so angry, but indeed, the child's recent performance was not satisfactory.
Recently, my son has suddenly become keen on phone watches, keeps his watch away, flips off the car, gets off to play, and does homework, and always plays with it from time to time. If you ask him, there will always be excuses: "I'll check some information", "A classmate just asked me about my homework, please reply"...
As the number of times is too many, my son's behavior of playing with the table has come into our attention. At this moment, when the child's father repeatedly asked the child to take the watch over, but his son was slowing down and "waiting for a while", the father grabbed the watch and threw it to the ground. With a "click", the watch broke instantly.
Afterwards, although the child's father felt upset about impulsive behavior, he thought: if is scrapped, it can make the child lose his addiction, which is worth it!
But in my opinion, scaring children with "fall" cannot fundamentally solve the problem. Is it possible to continue to drop your phone in the future? Drop the computer?
1. "The son of a psychological counselor is also obsessed with the game!"
Why are children addicted?
Children are addicted to games, which seems to be a quiet process. When parents realize it, they often have "addiction". Many parents actually do not object to their children's games. What they cannot accept is: Why do children become addicted to games while playing?
Guangzhou Daily Once reported to a psychological counselor's mother who has been engaged in psychological counseling and treatment for more than ten years and has taken over a large number of children who are addicted to games. She thought she was well versed in the art of game addiction, but unexpectedly discovered that her 10-year-old son was also obsessed with games!
This psychologist mother did not throw her child’s phone, but chose to play games with her child. In this process, she discovered the “charm of games to children”, and the “playing with her” path of has become a “detoxification” path.
Combined with this mother's experience and my own experience and experience, today's article will talk to parents about "game addiction". I hope it will be helpful to parents.
First find the reason for the problem. We must first understand what the game attracts children.
1) An irresistible environment.
After my son's watch was thrown, I talked to him about his heart. He told me that there are two main reasons for using watches frequently. First, there are some game software in the watch, which can be used to make points regularly every day. Points can be used to change personal outfits. The classmates in the class are playing, and everyone will compete in private whose outfits are more cool. The second is chatting. After finishing the homework, students will be bored to send emoticons and chat about some topics about gods, demons and ghosts, which makes him feel very interesting.
Psychology Teacher Shen Jiahong pointed out in his psychological book "Can't Stop" that has many reasons for Internet addiction, and the first one is that it is affected by the general social environment.
As technology equipment becomes a must-have for children, children are able to get it right when they come into contact with games. In order to stimulate product sales, online programmers have worked hard to develop game and entertainment software to maximize the psychological needs of teenagers. Children have weak self-control and become addicted to playing.
2) A sense of loneliness and controllability
When my son explained the reasons for playing with a watch to me, he emphasized one sentence: "You don't play with me now, I'm very bored."
Indeed, when children are young, adults will be patient and play with them no matter how busy they are. But as the children grow older, parents' patience with their children is almost exhausted in various accompanying readings and homework checks. Once the children's studies are taken care of, the child's request for "playing with them" is basically a "rejection" attitude.
I think that the game is just like this "taking the opportunity" to enter the game. It invades the child's leisure life.
At the same time, when a child opens a game software, no matter what button he presses, the game has a strong response, which can satisfy the child's inner desire. The good feeling of with or without interaction deeply attracts children and makes them unable to extricate themselves. Moreover, the child experiences a sense of control in the game. He can direct the game character to execute according to his own ideas, and he can also gain skills through diligent leveling. High points help them buy the equipment they want.
Various senses of response, control, and honor that cannot be experienced in life attract children to frequently open game software to explore.
3) Release the sense of depression
I have to admit that today’s children no matter Whether in school or at home, because they receive more attention and more control. This cannot be done, that cannot be played, the child is suppressed everywhere, but cannot resist because of his small individual strength.
Through games, children can dominate the virtual world, which invisibly releases a lot of dissatisfaction with the outside world. The game even satisfies some imaginary attacks by children.
2. “My son hasn’t left home for two years! ”
How to judge whether a child is addicted to games?
A relative has a child who should have graduated and started working, but ended up being stunned. The family "rested for two years" before returning to normal life.
During those two years, his living radius was his bedroom. He rarely left the room unless necessary, playing games in the dark, and his mother brought him meals to his bedside.
All the relatives shook their heads when they mentioned this child: This child is finished. He is addicted to games.
How to determine whether a child has "addictive" tendencies, so as to help parents guide their children in time?
Parents may wish to ask themselves three questions: Is the child's behavior normal? Are parent-child conflicts frequent? Does the child have any bad habits?
① If a child can still learn despite playing games, eat when he should, and sleep when he should, then parents basically don't have to worry too much. The child's "social function" has not been damaged and has not reached the level of "addiction."
② Parents should self-examine whether the parent-child relationship is tense. Many children have experienced abnormal mood swings, irritability and irritability since they became obsessed with playing games, and some have become particularly rebellious. To rule out puberty as the cause, you need to consider whether gaming is the cause.
③ Parents should pay attention to whether their children have bad habits, such as staying up late or stealing money. Some children will steal money to buy equipment in order to satisfy their vanity. If there is such behavior, parents should pay attention. These children are in a dangerous zone. Whether they push or pull them affects the future of their children.
3. “I use this method to prevent my son from becoming addicted to games. "
The key to Internet addiction lies in the education of parents
In life, there are also some children who, although they play games, are not addicted. The child king Zheng Yuanjie once mentioned in his book "Zheng Yuanjie's Family Education Class" what he did when he discovered that his son was addicted to games, which is worth thinking about.
As the first generation of families in China to own a personal computer, my son Zheng Yaqi was still in the era of dial-up Internet access. Once, because of playing games, the family phone bill was as high as 6,000 yuan a month.
When Zheng Yuanjie realized this problem, he knew in his heart: If he told his son that he should play less games, not only would there be no homework, but it would be counterproductive. So he thought of a way, set up a form and posted it on the refrigerator, and then held a family meeting and declared: holds a computer game family competition every month, and everyone must strive to win the first place in the computer competition.
Sure enough, when adults start playing games seriously, children instinctively lose interest in games. Zheng Yuanjie drew a conclusion from this: Sometimes when children play games, they actually want to show that they are better than their parents in a certain aspect!
Because children do not have a sense of superiority in other aspects of life, computer games can give them this sense of superiority.
It can be seen that it is not scary for children to play games. What is scary is addiction. The underlying reason for addiction is that the intimate relationship between children and parents is destroyed in reality, forcing children to establish an intimate relationship with games. In other words, gaming is the scapegoat for problems in an intimate relationship.
When a child becomes addicted to games, what can parents do to get their children to leave the game and rebuild a close relationship?
1) Parents must first "self-reflect". In the process of getting along with their children, what are the reasons that put pressure on them? As the saying goes, to untie the bell, you must tie the bell.
2) Maintain a neutral attitude. games and results are the needs of children and can be both. In other words, parents should guide their children to manage their game time, rather than prohibiting their children from playing games.
3) Establish game rules. Parents need to hand over the right to formulate rules to their children, and play the role of supervision and execution. Only when children have a sense of self-management can they cultivate self-efficacy and move towards self-discipline.
3) Guide children to find the value behind the game. treats games as learning and reference experiences, guiding children to learn from games to become interesting and valuable people. Zheng Yuanjie’s son gradually learned to make web pages and used this skill as a part-time job to make money. Later, not only did he have no time to play games, let alone become addicted to games.
is written at the end: Games are not a scourge, but how to let children play games in a controlled manner not only tests the parents' educational attitude, but also tests the parents' wisdom in dealing with things. "Blocking" is not as good as "sparing". Modern parents need to put themselves in others' shoes before they can approach and help their children. Let’s encourage each other.
I am Noma. I focus on research on parent-child growth, talk about parenting, and write parenting tips. Follow me and grow and improve together.
