Text/Lan Ma talks about parenting
In the past few days, I have been thinking about the personal boundary problem with children, that is, distance produces beauty
I have always believed that the best distance between children is to stick together all the time, so that the intimacy index can be displayed
However, as the child grows older, I found that the closer the parents and children are, the more likely they are to have estrangement
This is also a relatively common boundary distance. If you don’t believe it, let’s continue to read☟
female colleague Amin told me her two stories:
: l0 First: The more I try to keep it, the less I can’t keep it
There was a weekend, and grandma lived in the city from a countryside thousands of miles away for a few days
Son Haohao suddenly said, "Mom, I want to sleep with grandma tonight."
Amin started to be stunned for a moment, and then asked again confirmation, "Are you sure?"
Haohao said seriously, "I'm sure"
After getting a positive answer, Amin said, "Okay"
So, Haohao happily took his little pillow to find grandma
At that time, grandma also felt a sense of surprise that was flattered by , and at 23:00 pm, he was still talking about what the child liked Pirate Story
However, the elderly usually get up early
0 At less than 6:00 the next morning, Haohao found that no one was sleeping with him, so he got up and woke up immediately
. Early in the morning, as long as the little naughty at home got up, the whole weekend of the boiling day began
. The next night, Haohao said again, "I have to sleep with my grandma tonight." Amin immediately refused to say "No"
. In this regard, Amin also specifically explained that "grandma wakes up early every morning, and the child sleeps with her easily lacks sleep."
In fact, Amin's heart is like this: "Okay, you naughty kid, someone else can coax you away with a story"
I thought the child would give up after rejecting it
Never thought, the little guy ran to his grandma's house with a small pillow, and kept muttering , "I'm going to sleep with grandma, sleep better with her."
At that moment, it was not uncomfortable, it was definitely fake
After all, ten months of pregnancy, one shit and one urine pulling so much, everything was obviously the stinky brat first, and Baoer who spoiled the child on the tip of his heart, but in the end, the more he tried to keep it, the less he could not keep it
In fact, Amin's experience is the freshness of that the child belongs to. Grandma doesn't come to the city once for a long time, and it will naturally aggravate Haohao's closeness .
At the same time, the elderly basically keep their children in their mouths and fear that they will melt. Children say that one is one. This kind of interaction that will not be criticized or accused of is a sense of boundary between people, and it is also an important chapter in which children can find the sense of belonging in their personal boundaries.
The second: When you are angry, you say "I hate you"
Children are born lively and active, strong imitation
Some time ago, Haohao said "I**" swear words just a few days after he went to school
This is what I learned from other companions
In order to better correct Haohao's language
Amin specially squeezed out time to pick up and drop off the child every day, thinking that this would be a good way to avoid the current situation of learning swear words
Haohao is now a fourth-grade child. His classmates are basically all alone. His classmates are all alone. Amin gets up late every day and goes to bed late. It seems like a very touching thing.
, but the children don’t appreciate it at all.
The more Amin relies on Haohao and the more he doesn’t let the children get in contact with a bad environment, the more the child tries to break free from
. In order to resist Amin, Haohao even locks himself in the room after school and doesn’t want to come out. And every time a mother and son ht occurs. When ml3 quarrels with , Haohao would say, "I hate you, you are the worst mother in the world."
's words sound so heartbroken.
realizes that it may be that Amin, who interferes too much, and also starts to slowly learn to to repair the parent-child relationship
. She first asked her father to take Haohao out for a walk
and then take her to the supermarket for a walk, the little guy began to become intimate again
and said "mom this, mom that" and keep
that moment, Amin also understood
It turns out that the best distance between you and your child is to maintain a sense of "boundary"
This is like we protecting the territory of planting flowers from being exposed to the scorching sun. It is a land that cannot be invaded
Another point, the sense of boundary is also the guard and need of a person's inner security . If it is the scope of a sense of security, let the child try it boldly. Even if they may have learned some bad behaviors at present, the experience that children gain after trying guidance and corrections is a rare opportunity .
You should know that when children are younger, discrimination ability will be relatively poor, and the more things they encounter, the better the practical material in life is the best entry point in education.
Therefore, parents should not try to protect their children too well, because we cannot clear all the obstacles around them for them. Only by keeping a distance from them properly and providing a good sense of boundaries in education can we become the power of crutches in children's difficulties and helping children become the successful climbers who can see the mountains of .
So, how should parents keep a distance from their children of the “boundary sense” of beauty? There are 3 things that should not be taken seriously
01
Believe in the child, he can do it
A female college student named Feifei failed to take the postgraduate entrance examination as she wished, and was left in the village as an elementary school teacher
Because of her weak personality, she was often embarrassed by a group of children in public. In less than a week, she quit
Fefei ran home with red and swollen eyes. When her mother saw it, she hurriedly wiped her tears
Then comforted him:
"Don't be sad, everyone has their own talent. Some people can pour it out, some people can't pour it out, maybe there are more important things waiting for you to do."
Just like that, Feifei followed his partner in the village to work in a factory in another place
However, in less than half a year, he was fired by his boss again
The reason is that Feifei's efficiency is too slow and his quality is not up to standard
Mother comforted him when he saw the frustrated Feifei. Say:
"Don't be discouraged, those who are quick-handed are basically old employees who have been working for many years. How can you, a new employee who just left the school, compare? Keep doing your own things well, and believe you will succeed."
沪小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小� The mother who believes in her children probably has some emotions
, but Feifei's mother always comforts and never complains
Later, with her outstanding language talent , she worked as a counselor in a deaf and mute college. Her excellent work ability and capable perseverance made her run a disabled school in just a few years and opened daily necessities for disabled people in many cities. Now she is already a chain store owner with assets of over 10 million.
Seeing this, I couldn't help but recall the words of Feifei's mother, "Maybe there are more important things waiting for you to do."
Yes, children have their own excellent abilities and luminous advantages . Only by allowing them to work hard on the basis of 's own excellent and break through many difficulties can they achieve true success in the life and summary of many experiences.
So, from now on, remember to be a parent who believes in children and use direct language to reflect trust in them. The sentence "You can do it, come on", is a spiritual and spiritual encouragement to the children. You will find that every encouragement and trust is actually the continuous regeneration energy of the children's positive and upward .
02
Support the child, he will be more confident
There is such a story:
A father cut down a dead tree in winter
When it came to spring, he surprised to find that the stump had sprouted a circle of new green
So, The kiss pulled his son and said, "At that time, I saw that the leaves fell, and I thought they had already died. Unexpectedly, the withered torso still had vitality hidden."
This incident also became a warning for the father to educate his children
He warned himself: "Never cut down trees in winter, and never hit them when children fail."
Later, my son participated in the school's When I first signed up for the basketball game, I was still full of confidence in . I even felt that "if you don't win the first place, you are not a hero"
However, as soon as I saw countless pairs of eyes off the court, I started involuntarily timid
even worried countless times in my heart, "If I were eliminated, how can I go back to face the teacher and classmates"
probably because of too many concerns, I performed a little in the first game
. After seeing this scene off the court, he came to his son, and naturally put it on the child's shoulders like a brother and said, "Don't worry, I've been behind me. No matter what you do, you are my excellent son, because you have tried your best to do your best."
With the encouragement of his father and the ease on his shoulders, his son's nervousness and worry were immediately comforted. This story is deeply touching the hearts of the people. How happy it is to have someone who is completely trusted in the world!
In fact, every child should also receive absolute support from his parents. Support is spiritual trust and behavioral respect, and it belongs to the spiritual health seeding . A child who grew up with the support of his parents is confident and optimistic, and has a rich heart.
Please remember that no matter what situation you are in, you must support your child’s mood and emotions. Your support will also make your child more confident!
03
Invest in children, he deserves better
My neighbor is a couple who looks taciturn html
Their family has 2 daughters in total. When the eldest was in the second grade, the second went to the middle school class of kindergarten
That year, the neighbor transferred both of his children to the county town to go to school
and every winter and summer vacation, he also signed up for tutoring classes for the children, specifically for tutoring knowledge points that he could not keep up
Because the neighbor's family conditions are not very good, and both children have to go to the county town to study
So, there are always many people in the village who joked:
"As sooner or later, the girls are married and the water they splashed out. No matter how outstanding they are, they are trained for others. Look, they are reluctant to buy clothes. They are just farmer who gets up early and goes to bed late. They still want to train their daughter to become a dragon and a phoenix. I really don't know what they are thinking..."
Later, many people in the village built two-story small buildings one after another, and the neighbors and couples still live in dilapidated bungalows
There are also many girls in the village who dropped out of school and did not get into college. They all started to work.
Only the neighbors and couples insisted on it. They even signed up for their daughters for their favorite piano classes and dance classes...
Just like that, they have been investing in their daughters and encouraging them. Even if they live in difficult times, they never complained. Later, their eldest daughter was admitted to Beijing Foreign Languages, and the second daughter was admitted to Hebei Medical University
After the two daughters achieved success in their studies, they all scrambled to take their parents to the city to enjoy a happy life
, but their parents were unwilling to enter the city and said, "I am used to living in the countryside, but my life in the city will not be able to adapt."
, and the two daughters had no choice but to jointly build a duplex small building for their parents in their hometown
Although this building was more than ten years later than the others in the village, in today's era, it is a small enviable thing for others. When I met my neighbor again, I couldn't help but ask questions: "Why don't I go to the city with my daughter to enjoy a happy life? Isn't my daughter a caring little cotton jacket for parents?"
Unexpectedly, the neighbor said, "Daughters are old and have their own lives. All we can do is to support and encourage them at a distance that is not far or near, so that we can not cause trouble for them, and they still care about us all the time. This is the best distance between parents and children."
From then on, I realized that the best distance between us and children in education is to maintain a "sense of boundaries". In maintaining the sense of boundaries trusts children, supports children, and invests in children . This is also the best gift every parent gives to their children!
So, what are the different suggestions and opinions about maintaining a "border sense" with your children? Welcome to leave a message in the comment area to share!
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