What is the best education for children?
is not control or free stocking, but just right parenting.
"Control" parents are particularly strict and have many restrictions and rules for their children. In many families, either they are strict fathers and kind mothers, one is responsible for strict management and the other is responsible for spoiling, or they are strict fathers and mothers, both of which are strict. Basically, I manage more and teach less. Children have no say, and their communication with parents is more about accepting orders and "requesting instructions and reporting". If the child does not do well, he will be scolded by his parents, and what he cannot do will be asked by his parents in an orderly tone.
"Random Style" parents are completely the opposite. If you can, don’t care. If you think your child has food and drink, you will naturally be sensible. It seems to be free and "democratic", but in fact it is just ignoring and being too lazy to control it. When a child encounters difficulties, parents will feel that the child can handle it themselves, without help, or are not around the child at all. When a child does something wrong, parents will not discipline him, and they will naturally grow up with their child's temperament. These parents are extremely indulging in their children, and almost all of them are dominated by their children's opinions.
In fact, these two types of parents are not beneficial to the healthy growth of their children. Children need space to grow freely, but it does not mean they can be completely stocked. Although freeing up gives children full freedom, it also loses the meaning of education. Only by giving children full freedom of growth, setting good rules and relaxing rules, and just enough raising children can grow up healthily. I would like to share with parents:
1. Discipline should be moderate
0 There is no need to consider all aspects carefully. In the process of educating children, parents should relax their mindset appropriately and grasp the right sense of proportion.
If parents let their children receive the so-called "elite education" as if they were injected with chicken blood all day, it will only cause the children to rebelliously and even resist their parents with words and deeds. A child’s excellence is not only reflected in his academic performance, but also includes the ability to learn independently and the ability to think unrestrained by curiosity.
Children are serious in their studies and always have the best grades. This situation often hides unexpected hidden dangers. If a child’s love of learning does not come from curiosity, but to gain recognition from parents or teachers, that is a big problem. In order to win the recognition and praise of their parents and teachers, they suppress their nature and try to become "good children" in the eyes of their parents and teachers.
When entering adolescence and about to grow up independently, it is difficult for such children to rely on their own strength to start a new stage of their life. Because of this, the more obedient, obedient and always excellent children are, the more likely they are to have some problems after entering puberty. While excessive discipline will cultivate children into obedient and obedient "good children", it will also kill the independent learning ability and independent thinking ability of smart children.
2. Don’t always command your child to
Parents ask their children to do something in the tone of command. This is actually a one-way communication. In many cases, children obey their parents' instructions on the surface, but may not agree in their hearts. They are just mechanically executing their parents' orders.
If you want your child to do something spontaneously, parents should guide you by asking questions more. For example, when confirming the meeting time of your child for travel, asking "what is the meeting time for you to gather" is much better than the command "Aren't you gather at 8 o'clock? Hurry up".
In this way, parents' instructions are no longer mandatory requirements, but become a very natural prompt, effectively guiding children to think independently before acting. The child's brain will become more active after a series of activities such as memory, thinking and action, and will gradually gain the ability to think independently.
3. Let children know that parents will fail
Although helping children answer questions and solve problems and correct mistakes is an important responsibility of parents, if parents always act as a "teacher", this may not be the best way for children to grow up healthy.Because this model will prompt children to form a solidified concept in their minds, that is, parents are the ones who impart knowledge, the ones who are authoritative, and themselves are the ones who are imparted knowledge and lack abilities. This kind of thinking can easily make the child a more negative person.
If the child gives his parents an excessive evaluation and believes that his parents are perfect and omnipotent, then they will not have the idea that they need to do their best to help their parents, and it will be difficult for them to help their children develop the enthusiasm and initiative to think independently and take action.
Parents can properly disclose their parents’ failures or mistakes to their children. Let the child realize that parents are not omnipotent, and his little self can even correct mistakes for authoritative parents. The resulting self-confidence will help promote the continuous growth of children.
4. Treat children as adults
Treat children as adults and are willing to talk to them equally, which greatly improves children's self-confidence and sense of security. This approach not only allows children to ask questions to adults more confidently in the future, but also provides more possibilities for children to continuously broaden their cognitive scope.
On the contrary, if adults always treat children's questions with a perfunctory attitude, children will feel that even if they ask questions, others will not answer them seriously, and they will become more and more closed.
5. Let the child finish speaking
Many parents will say to their children, "Okay, OK, I understand, you want to say...", and forcefully end the conversation.
From the perspective of cultivating children's expression ability, this kind of snatching or resuming words will only have the opposite effect. Children will feel that they are always interrupted by others before they finish speaking, so they might as well stop talking.
If this continues, the child will completely lose the will to express himself. Even if the child’s expression is not so smooth, you must wait patiently for the child to finish his words, so that you can maintain benign communication and healthy growth of the child.
6. Trust your child
Everyone cannot break away from various interpersonal relationships. Once they gain the trust of others and are placed with high expectations, we can be very sensitive to it and do our best to respond to this expectation.
If you want your child to be motivated to study or improve his academic performance, all parents need to do is to firmly believe that their children can do it.
Parents have confidence in their children. Even if they do not express their thoughts clearly, their children can still feel this hint from their parents in their daily lives. At this time, even if parents do not urge their children to study, they will actively sit at the desk and start learning. Rather than scolding and complaining, this "silent trust" of parents helps children grow up healthily.
In summary, whether it is "control education" or "free-range education" will have a negative impact on the growth of children. We should learn to "equally raise" to give children full freedom of growth, set good rules and relaxation, so that it is more conducive to the growth of children.
content by "Parents' Habits: Just the Right Parenting"
