If you ask what parents are most troublesome now, Children are definitely on the list of addiction to games.
Parents often cry around me:
"When I go on vacation, I hold my phone to play games, I don't sleep at night, I can't get up in the morning, as long as I can't hear his voice at home and can't see his shadow, I must be playing games. I forcibly confiscated my phone, but he started rolling around and running away from home."
"I promised to play for an hour, but when it's time, I still hold my phone and don't let go. I persuaded me and set rules. Every time he promised me. OK, I can't continue to execute it every time. "
" My academic performance has been declining. I still play games when I go home, and I still write guides seriously. I was so angry that I yelled at him. I confiscated his mobile phone, so he secretly took our mobile phones and coaxed my grandparents' mobile phones. If he had the energy to study, he could get into Tsinghua University. "
...
I wonder if parents have any troubles with their children playing games?
Anyway, I used to have it.
Once upon a time, my son played games until he couldn't sleep, and then started skipping school every few days, and finally stopped going to school at all.
initially found that the momentum was wrong, and it started in his fifth grade.
At that time, in order to facilitate life and study, I bought him a mobile phone. It was a weekend at the beginning, and he often played with his mobile phone. In the end, I developed to keep my phone away from my phone every day, watching it when I eat, sleep, and often staying up late until three or four o'clock in the evening to secretly watch it.
When I saw him like this, I was angry and anxious and shouted at him: "Why do you always play? I don't think about doing homework, don't know what I do?"
At that time, I scolded myself for not being a good mother, and despised the child and didn't want to communicate with him. When I saw him, I scolded him, confiscated my phone, threw him ipad, and even took action.
The most serious time, seeing him playing with his mobile phone and not doing homework, my energy and blood suddenly surged, and I was extremely angry, and I started to hit him hard. The more I beat him, the more angry I became, I thought to myself: Go and die, I will save my worries even if I die. I really wanted to kill him at that time. Thinking of this, I really grabbed him and almost strangled him to death.
At that time, I had lost my mind, and a devil in my mind was saying, "Forget it, he died, I will die too, I will die." When Reason came back, I was afraid of sweating.
This is my favorite son. It is my child that I have worked so hard to get. Why did I get rid of it?
My son, hard-won.
When I was young, I had an abortion once, which made it very difficult to have a child again. Taking medicine and injections didn’t work. Later, I tried the test tube and I had a son.
This child is really too precious to me!
Before the child was 2 years old, he hung on me like sloth all day long. He couldn't leave me, and I cried as soon as he left.
At that time, we opened a factory, and I took him to cook for the workers. If I didn't watch it at first sight, the child might be hit and injured.
Once, I had just washed the dishes and was in a hurry to put a sweater on the child. When I was in the trap, I tore off the scab of the wound on the child's nose and bleed again.
All mothers who love their children know what kind of pain it is to see their children get hurt. They would rather hurt themselves!
With a child, my relationship with my husband is not as good as before.
I have too many opinions about him: after work, he either plays games or fishes, but I have to take care of the children and work.
I have high requirements for myself. I want to be a good daughter-in-law, a good sister-in-law, a good mother, and a good daughter. I have to do everything beautifully. I can’t tell you what I’m not doing well.
would rather be wronged than others to find fault.
Take cooking as an example. I will consider everyone's preferences, such as father, mother, husband, children... I don't consider myself.
My father-in-law and brother-in-law owed others money, and we both paid them more than one million yuan in debt.
Every day, I wish I could grow a thousand hands to work hard, and then face a husband who doesn’t care about his children. It can be imagined that many complaints slowly arise in my heart.
Once, he asked him to look at the child. He was only concerned about playing games, but the child fell from the bed, and foamed in his mouth. People were twitching, and I was so angry that I smashed his computer.
I did so much at home and outside, but it was hard to see a child. I am with you and have suffered so much sin. Why don’t you know how to feel sorry for me?
At that time, I had to fight with my husband every month, and I was as stable as my aunt. Once we fought, we would not speak for half a month.
He didn't speak, and I was even more angry: Even if you are a stone, I will keep warm! , so cold-blooded! "
When the child was five or six years old, our business was getting busier and busier, and I had no time to watch him.
In order to comfort the child, I gave him a mobile phone and asked him to play.
At that time, I was also ignorant because my parents had never accompanied me when I was a child, and I didn't know how to play with my child. When I saw that everyone around me was using their phones to play cartoons for their children, I did as usual.
And , I was exhausted after I got home and didn't want to accompany him again.
So, it was basically his mobile phone to accompany him through his childhood.
Moreover, after the fifth grade, his math grades were not very good, and the math teacher would be physically punished. The more physically punished, the more he was afraid of mathematics.
When he arrived in the second year of junior high school, he could no longer keep up with the progress of mathematics.
At that time, he asked me, "Mom, why did I work so hard and still not stick to it? "
I thought it was his problem, so I asked him: "Are you playing with your phone again? Have you gone to bed in class again? "
When he was in junior high school, he didn't write his name for his homework. In front of many classmates, the physics teacher said you are anonymous! You don't write your name!
He was angry for a moment and said to him. The head teacher asked him to stand in the back of the classroom for a day. Later, he was so tired that he couldn't stand, so he knelt down on one leg.
I knew about this and asked the head teacher: "The child said he knelt down at school? "
Teacher said: "How can you kneel? Don't listen to his nonsense! ”
Since then, he didn’t want to go to school anymore. At the beginning, he didn’t give up. He either went in the morning or in the afternoon. Later, he simply stopped going and stayed at home to play with his phone.
Reviewed. In order to solve the child’s problem, I went through four stages in total:
- The first stage: find a psychological counselor. ml0 I realized that I had problems and looked for ways everywhere. On the surface, it was to change myself, but in fact it was to control the child.
- Stage 2: No more psychological counseling, go to collect various parenting official accounts and books.
- The third stage: join the practice of growth of the system, and practice it half-believingly.
- The fourth stage: start healing from yourself, see yourself, see him, and be able to believe him.
- The second semester of junior high school, he stopped going to school at all. I was completely desperate, and completely put down my transformation of my children and began to focus on myself.
- . He has a foundation.
When I was two or three years old, my son liked to eat, and kept eating, and until he vomited. He had to get up and vomit every two or three days.
When I was five or six years old, my son always asked me to buy toys for him and buy them every day.
I realized that something was wrong. Maybe it was because of my parenting method, so I went to see a psychological counselor with my husband and did a lot of cases.I spent a lot of money, and I consulted for a few yuan less and a little 1,000 yuan more.
However, life still has not changed.
I hope he eats less and healthier, but he just eats junk food.
He doesn't feel cold, I let him put on his clothes; he feels hot, I won't let him take it off.
If you should beat it, you should scold it.
After beating or scolding, you will blame yourself, regret, and attack yourself.
I was in great pain. I spent so much money without any effect, hopeless and helpless.
My son’s grades from the fifth grade to the second grade of junior high school was half my fault and half my fault.
The child cannot manage himself well, does not study hard, and spends too much effort on playing with his mobile phone.
I don’t have a better way to deal with it, just control and nagging -
Seeing him close the door, I couldn’t help knocking on the door and go in and see what he was doing.
If I were looking at my phone, I would scold him a few words.
Seeing him staying up late, I couldn't help but nag him for a few more words.
I have no other way.
When the child was in the second year of junior high school, I accidentally learned about Dr. Hailan, took "21 Beautiful Journey", and later applied for "Seven Steps of Emotional Copying" and "Some Psychology", and experienced the charm of peer education.
Later, I learned that being a practical student can not only solve the current problems, but also learn methods. I will solve the problems in the future by myself, which will save much psychological counseling costs.
So, I joined the practice life, and the original intention of joining was to deal with my son.
When I explored the relationship between my son, I drew an emotional cycle diagram and a healing diagram. I discovered the vicious cycle between me and him:
I control my son, and I had a conflict with him - he doesn't listen, and I fight - I hit him - my son doesn't listen even more - the relationship is getting worse and worse.
Behind me control him is fear, fear of losing the pain of separation from relatives.
Because, I am an adopted child, my biological mother is an educated youth in the countryside.
When I was two years old, I learned about my life experience. The neighbor aunt came to visit and asked my mother quietly, "Hey, where is the boy before?" My mother replied, "I'm dead, I want another one!" My mother pointed at me.
I was only 2 years old and actually understood. I was very scared at the time and my intuition told me that I could not mention my life experience in the future.
I have always felt a deep sense of insecurity, and my son is the only relative I can catch.
It turns out that I have always placed my sense of security on my son.
I know my needs, so I have a direction.
There is no problem for the child. It is because I am too scared and anxious, so I control him, which causes him to be unconfident and do not want to study.
I can’t find out his faults anymore, I can’t knock on his door, I can’t yell at him, scold him, and beat him.
The idea is good, but it is quite difficult to implement. I held back this time and I might knock it again next time.
But overall, the number of times is gradually decreasing.
When I feel uncomfortable, I go to the park to cry and stay in the park for a day. After crying, I went home. I should cook and work. I no longer ask my son and no longer connect with him.
Clean your own emotions and don’t vent to others.
I have an inherent pattern that requires continuous work to see my sense of value. I will do whatever people around me want me to do, and I have many requirements for myself.
In fact, this is also asking for recognition. I am afraid that others will not like me and will abandon me like my mother.
I began to see my needs, satisfy myself as soon as possible, rest when I am tired, and make delicious food for myself when I am hungry, and put myself first.
When I meet my needs, I can also see my son's needs.
I can also contribute to his preferences.
I started by listening to him:
For a while, I didn’t want to listen to my child’s speech, and I couldn’t accept many of his words and deeds.
For example, his world-weary: "This society is unfair. There are no good people. I don't want to study. It's useless if I study well..."
I thought: Why is this child so dark mentally? He just collects negative news, so I refuted: "This world is not that bad. Your heart is open, and you can attract bright things in..."
learned some psychology. Teacher HARVEY said that this world has light and shadow, which awakened me.
I said to my son: "You are right. This world not only has bright places, but also dark places. Your feelings are real."
From then on, I no longer deny his feelings, acknowledge and accept his emotions.
Children care about earth resources and social affairs. They are a big-minded child.
When I was in the middle school entrance examination, I discussed with him: "How about you try it, and at least get a graduation certificate. If you still want to go to school in the future, there is still a chance. If you don't even have a graduation certificate, you may not have a chance."
My son listened to it and didn't go to school for half a year. He scored more than 300 points in the middle school entrance examination and could not go to public high school. My husband planned to let him go to technical school.
My son discussed with me: "Mom, can you find me a private school? I want to try it, but I don't want to go with the flow."
Later, I enrolled him in a private high school.
High school closed military training for 20 days. After his son came out, he started to curse and said, "I'm X, I've been there for more than 20 days."
This time, I did not criticize him. He did not target anyone, but was just venting his emotions.
This is also true for us adults.
I said, "You can stay for more than 20 days. I really didn't expect to last for so long!" After saying this, my son couldn't help but smile on his face.
After entering high school, the child seemed to have opened up the Ren and Du meridians, and the whole person changed a lot.
Once, he actually won the first place in the class. Before
, he was a child who didn’t go to school!
He summarized the following experiences:
After he went to high school, he found that he had been exposed to a lot of knowledge before. At this time, I realized that children are not all playing games when playing with their mobile phones, but more about checking information, looking at all kinds of interesting knowledge, and looking at the philosophy and history they like.
. He has a sense of honor.
One day, he said to me, "Mom, my classmates gave me a nickname: Kuben. Is this scolding me?"
My husband is a sports fan and said, "Son, Kuben is the first."
It turns out that during the class competition, because of his wide knowledge, he won a lot of honor points for his group. So the classmate gave him the nickname.
English teacher asked him to be a teacher to teach questions to his classmates, and also gave him honor points for his group.
Later, he was assigned to the liberal arts and science subjects. His advantage lies in the liberal arts and his grades naturally improved. The grades came up. , the teacher attaches importance to it, and the classmates admire it, and the self-confidence will improve.
Gradually, the child's personality has become more and more confident from his original timid and inferiority complex.
. He has a goal.
Now, when my son got the first exam again, I said to him: "Son, we don't have the first exam, the first exam is under great pressure, and it's too tiring. "The son said, "That won't work! "
Because, he has a goal to take the history department of Nanjing University . My son's achievement system has started.
. Family relationships are getting warmer and warmer.
After I started growing up, I began to create intimate relationships, and the intimate relationship score increased from -1 to 7 to 8 points.
Now, my husband often asks me how to communicate with my children.
He also often praises his son: "Oh, son, you are very awesome! ”
Father and son have gone from zero communication before to being able to chat freely, from zero physical contact before, now the son still occasionally acts coquettishly and lets his father hug him.
For his son, mother can be himself, the relationship between family members is getting better and better, the family relationship is getting warmer, and his sense of security is getting stronger and stronger.
Currently, the son is taking online classes at home.
He basically doesn’t look at his mobile phone or eats snacks during the day. He is busy with his studies, and he doesn’t even have time to eat fruits.
Every day, I learn until after 10 o'clock in the evening, and then I will watch the phone to decompress it for a while, and turn off the computer and go to bed by 11:30, and get up at 6:30 in the morning.
Many people ask me: How can children never go to school and become top students?
In fact, it is very simple, it is the change of parents.
Many parents are like the past Like me, there is a common misunderstanding: I hope to shape a "good child" in my mind through the teacher's teaching, the school environment, and external training, and then return it to myself.
In fact, parents are the real soil for children's growth. The soil remains unchanged, and the children will not undergo fundamental changes.
The problems with children are ultimately the parents; the current behavior of children is all the thunder buried by parents in the past;
If you want to change your children, parents must first change. Parents are the originals, and children are the photocopys : Every child is a mirror for parents, reflecting the part that parents need to grow.
The most effective way to educate is: parents first learn to deal with themselves, establish a good relationship with their children, set an example and be themselves, and the child will naturally become themselves.
encouragement together.
Hailan Happiness Home 2022 Chapter 40 Life Story
Story: Hailan Happy Home Practice Life Hongmei
write: Wang Li
