C mother CC parents
muse me and I was in the community in the evening. I saw a scene like this:
A mother was jumping rope with a girl, and her daughter looked 5 or 6 years old. The girl jumped a few times, but either didn't raise her arm and swung the rope or forgot to jump. Obviously she didn't know how to jump the rope. Mom demonstrated a few more times, but the little girl still couldn't. After a few rounds, my mother said anxiously, "Why are you so stupid? How many times have you said it, your legs and hands move together, and the ropes are swung and then jumped." "Since you were a child, you have been incoordinating your limbs and poor motor ability. You can do it without teaching others. How long have you learned this?" The mother kept complaining, and the little girl's movements seemed even harder as she said. Later, he simply threw the jump rope and stopped jumping, "I'm stupid and can't learn it, I won't learn it anymore!" After the girl ran away, the mother still said helplessly to the people around her, "This child has been stubborn since childhood and has a big temper. She doesn't like to listen to a few words."
Speaking of this, I remember a social news I saw recently. The student only did one question correctly, but the teacher praised and encouraged, "You are going to move towards a top student."
After saying that, the child, who was a little depressed, immediately lit up his eyes.
Sometimes, the implied power of language cannot be ignored.
1 hint?
. Negative hints will ruin a child
In the adult world, the most taboo thing is to speak without any restraint.
You need to think twice before you can say anything.
But when we are facing children, we can always say all kinds of hurtful words at will.
- "Why are you so stupid? You can't do such a simple question"
- "When can I keep my brain in mind? I'm careless all day long"
It seems that some things are nagging, and the children can recognize and correct them.
Although most of the time, parents do not want to belittle their children, they also define their children invisibly.
psychologist Professor Susan Ward once said: Children always believe what their parents say about themselves and turn it into their own ideas.
Because parents' evaluation is the first and most important window for children to understand themselves, children will naturally obtain reference information from parents like "experienced people".
- If parents always say to their children, "You are so stupid, you can't even have such a simple question." Then the children will think I am a fool.
- If parents always say to their children, "You are so careless, you are always misleading", then the children will think that I am a careless child and are more likely to forget everything in life.
- If parents always say to their children, "Why are you so ignorant, don't know how to save your parents' care?", the child will think that I am just a bad child.
Moreover, The longer we are a parent, the more we can find that no child can correct it in satirical and criticism.
is more likely to be directly rotten, or simply throw it out.
What’s more serious is that parents’ negative language will also affect the development of the child’s brain.
Dr. Martin Teche, a Ph.D., in the School of Medicine of Haval University, found that negative language is most likely to affect corpus callosum , hippocampus and prefrontal lobe in children's brain.
Children who have been subjected to verbal attacks for a long time will shrink the size of their corpus callosum and hippocampus, and their memory and reaction speed will decrease, resulting in a direct impact on IQ.
So, whether psychologically, children intellectually become the "bad" child we call.
. Positive psychological hints stimulate children's internal motivation
Negative psychological hints will suppress children. On the contrary, Positive psychological hints can greatly stimulate children's internal motivation.
There is an old saying in our great China, "Look for the best and get the most, get the most, get the most, get the most, and get nothing."
does not have children who are born with outstanding performance. At first, they may have only a little difference. Later, after the discovery, guidance, encouragement and cultivation of their parents (or others) , this difference has become their biggest highlight.
If we can add firewood to the original spark, it may become a prairie fire. We have also written before that in psychology, the formation of human behavior of is divided into three stages—determine, pretend, and change.
First set as: What kind of person do you expect to be, and treat the child as what kind of person you treat him.
For example, if a child loves cleanliness, parents will not help but praise the child’s desk and room they clean up by themselves when they talk to others.
Then pretend to be: Children constantly accept the "determined" information from their parents. If they don't understand, they will act according to their parents' expectations.
Even if you don’t want to clean up sometimes, you don’t just put it in a mess because you “pretend it” and don’t just put it in a mess and clean up.
finally becomes: As the child dresses, he slowly forms a behavioral habit.
When you grow up, you may become an adult who loves cleanliness.
Similar:
Some people are praised for being particularly tolerant, and when they grow up, they become a tolerant person who doesn’t like to care about it.
Some people are praised for loving themselves and making their own ideas. When they grow up, they become a very opinionated person.
And this is the power of positive suggestion. Children believe that they are excellent and are willing to work towards a better self. Gradually, they will really become the person their parents expect.
2 How to use the power of "hint"?
. Change your thinking, the disadvantages may be the opposite.
. There are no absolute disadvantages, only we look at children in different perspectives.
The same quality, if you look at it from another perspective, it may be a valuable quality.
For example, a child with a stubborn temper is a "thorn that does not accept discipline" in the eyes of some parents, while in the eyes of others, a "child with firm willpower". For example, a child who likes to defend himself is a child with strong language logic in the eyes of some parents. For example, a naughty and trouble-loving child is a trouble-free trouble-loving king in the eyes of some parents, but in the eyes of others, a enthusiastic, kind and responsible child.
If parents think that this quality is good, the child will believe that he is excellent. He will work hard to become a child with a firm will or stick to his own opinions, and he will be more confident, sunny, and more willing to become better.
If you think stubbornness, defense, etc. are just contradictory to disobey discipline, then the child will most likely give up on himself and become less good, and even hate this twisted self.
So , Please try to discover the advantages hidden behind the shortcomings of your child and see the changes and progress of your child .
I go to discover a little progress in my child every day and tell him how outstanding he is.
. It is really impossible to change, but it is a real disadvantage. Pay attention to your expression
Of course, you can also discipline those problems and shortcomings that you really cannot tolerate.
But we have to change the expression method. Once we speak with emotion, insults and belittle them.
Share with you a FFC parenting method. Whether it is praise or discipline, you can try it.
is the fact (fact) , feel (feeling) +compare (compare) .
Describe the facts:
means that whenever we want to educate our children, don’t say “negative” words as soon as we start: What do you do?
Try to replace some negative words with descriptions of facts.
: "You can't do such a simple word?" and "You think this question is difficult, don't you know how to do it?", "You always fail to do it successfully, you are very annoyed."
You may think it is easy to say but too difficult to do! It is difficult to get it in one step, but in fact, if you think about it carefully, there are only a few scenes of fighting with your children every day.
I sort it out directly every time. It doesn’t matter if I say it badly this time and now. There are opportunities for battle every day to correct it next time:
Recite it several times a day.
I found that Once we describe the child’s situation and emotions, both she and I can calm down quickly!
Then tell the feeling:
Objectively describe your own not-so-good feelings:
- "My brother always disturbs you, it is really distressing. If your mother is busy, she will be annoyed and can't help but lose her temper. But it is dangerous to hit him directly, so I'm very worried. No matter who you two get hurt, I will be sad."
- "The same piece of music is played repeatedly, it is really boring and boring, but everything needs to be persisted in. I don't want you to give up easily."
- "I don't want to do my homework when I get home from school, I just want to play. I understand. I don't want to cook or clean up the house when I get home from work, but dragging it will only delay the rest time at night. I really don't want you to do your homework in the middle of the night. How good is it to finish it quickly?"
The positive language often comes with clear guidance, which can help children change their minds and change from confrontational emotions to attention to their own behavior.
" Positive Discipline " There is a saying in " Positive Discipline ": Only when a child feels better can he do better.
Finally compare:
This is a key step to stimulate children's internal motivation, especially for children like CC who have to be strong since childhood.
- "The accuracy of yesterday's oral calculation questions was much higher than before, let's try it again today"
- "Your song was played very well just now, let's see if it can be better?"
guides children to compare with themselves and see their own progress and changes.
CC is still quite good at this time, and often strives to overcome yesterday's self.
I understand that I am not unable to do anything well. As long as I work hard, I will make progress.
The power of suggestion is hidden in every part of life.
and education is like this. The more you are calm, the more you will have a profound impact on your children in a subtle way.
So, say less abuse and denial and give your children more positive expectations.
Children will inadvertently give back to your best quality.
