"Why are you so stupid? How many times have you taught you, but you still can't remember it;"
"It's so simple and not easy, it's really not a material for school."
"Last time I went to Ding Ding to play, you see how fast they do things, and they go to do homework immediately after dinner. He is younger than you."
"Aunt Zhang's daughter scored in the exam again, and no one in her family has tutored her in studies."...
"My son is not good, he is very stupid."
have you said similar words? Or have you heard of ?
Families with children will inevitably talk about their children's learning when they get together. Especially for family gatherings like Mid-Autumn Festival and Spring Festival, in front of a family family, relatives and friends, you usually praise your children for being smart and self-disciplined, and you will still humbly say that my child is not good at brains.
If you praise me, others will think that Wang Po will sell melons. If you are humble, you say that your child is stupid, and you feel sorry for your child;
According to China's saying that "fullness brings harm, humility brings benefits", it is the catchphrase of some parents who say "silly brain and slow movements".
But the child next to him is still young, and he cannot distinguish the deeper meaning of his parents. What they receive is the message "I am a stupid child and slow movements."
If these negative words are often hinted at, his brain will have a protective effect, deepen this tag, and believe that his brain is stupid and slow, which will cause serious inferiority and self-doubt, and as a result, he will become a stupid child who can't learn anything.
This reminds me of the " Barracuda test"
Scientists put a pike into a pond with many small fish. Predating small fish is its specialty. At any time, as long as the barracuda is hungry and opens its mouth, it can swallow the small fish.
ate it freely for a while, and the scientists covered the pike with a large transparent glass bottle.
At the beginning, the little fish continued to swim outside the bottle, and the pike opened its mouth to meet it as usual, but it would hit the glass bottle every time.
Slowly, slowly, the number of collisions of pikes is getting less and less, and finally, it gives up preying on small fish.
After discovering that it gave up, the scientists took the bottle away, but the heavily hit pike didn't want to move. No matter how many small fish are around it, or even swimming around its mouth, it no longer opens its mouth.
As a result, this pike starved to death.
After listening to this story, you may find it funny, saying that this pike is so stupid that the little fish is at the mouth, can’t you open your mouth again?
cannot, because it is completely desperate. After countless times of hitting the wall, it begins to doubt its fishing ability. In the end, it firmly believes that it is a stupid fish, and this sense of incompetence ultimately killed it.
I almost made myself the glass bottle cover, and almost made my child turn into that pike.
In the second week of the new semester, in the child's class, the math teacher had to conduct an oral calculation survey, and he finished 40 questions within 6 minutes, but my child had only done 12 questions and didn't even finish 1/3. The good thing is that these 12 questions were done correctly. Half of the more than 30 students in the class have finished doing it, and 4 of them have done it right.
That night, the math teacher reminded him in the WeChat group. If the quality and efficiency of mathematical oral calculation cannot be guaranteed, the grades cannot be improved. The child said to me sadly, "Mom, I am naturally slow to move and can't do that fast." I was shocked after hearing this, because I was slow in movement, and these three words are what I often say, saying it quickly and fast more than 500 times a day.
Unconsciously affected the child's self-cognition, making him feel that my slowness is innate and cannot be changed. What my closest mother must be right, do you regret it? Fortunately, everything is still in time.
Now, before talking about children, I will hold my breath and count for 5 seconds, not say negative words, not tag the child, and tell the child: "Mom is wrong, you are not slow, but mom is anxious, practice makes perfect, and practicing more can definitely improve the speed of improving."
After school, I do 20 to 40 oral arithmetic questions every day and time them accurately. I cannot stop for 7 days of National Day. After nearly 30 days of practice, the 40 questions can now be basically completed within 10 minutes, and the unit test scores of mathematics have also improved greatly.
If you don’t want your child to become that pike, how to do it?
1 Accept the negative emotions of children
Sometimes when the child is in a low mood, it is useless to reason. Actions can better show your understanding and acceptance of children, such as a hug, and then teach him how to deal with his emotions. You can ask her: What kind of thing will make you feel out of your depression?
asked him to write everything he wanted to do on different notes, such as sleeping, playing with toys, watching animations, etc., so he asked him to draw lots and try any method he could catch. The content of the note can be updated at any time according to the child's situation, but the content should be decided by the child. When adopting this method, parents should provide timely positive feedback regardless of whether the result is valid or not.
2 Let children experience the joy of success
In activities such as playing with toys and doing handicrafts, children are encouraged to try boldly, so that they can taste the joy of victory through their own efforts. When he succeeds, praise him loudly, the child will be very happy and be confident in his abilities. A successful experience will make the child feel confident and move towards the next higher goal with full motivation.
3 Tell your child that it doesn’t matter if you fail
When the child is sad for "failure", parents should not sigh in front of the child, nor should they scold the child in a scattered manner. Let the child understand that failure and mistakes are no big deal, and will appear in your study and life in the future. Everyone will encounter it. The important thing is to learn from failure and continue to work hard.
If you are like me, the glass bottle cover of your child, I hope to encourage your child more, accept your child’s shortcomings, change your catchphrase, remove the glass bottle cover as soon as possible, and let your child become a free pike again.
#Education Listen to me##Education##Chinese Family Education##Chinese Family Education#1
