Before, we had an article about "slacking", which was loved by many readers: Only those who are "slacking" can have a "slacking" home! So what is the state of "relaxation"?
Today, through the stories of two teacher students, let’s continue to talk about: creates a relaxed growth environment for children. How can we do it specifically?
Two days ago I read a post with a lot of likes. The girl @deer graduated from Normal University. Qiu recruited many schools are still waiting for notifications. She is in a period of loss and overwhelming. What should I do if there is no school to ask her?
So, she and her mother had the following conversation: ▼
"As long as this is what you want, my mother will support it with all our strength."
"My daughter has been reading books for so many years, what's wrong with resting for two years?"
" You can try other jobs Do it, you don’t have to be a teacher.”
Mother’s attitude not only touched her daughter, but also touched readers deeply. There are many readers with similar experiences as the poster’s poster, but when they were under the pressure, they were not understood and questioned from their parents:
Many people traced it, and their own tension came from their original family: If others can pass the exam, you won’t get it? I always feel that parents think it is not difficult to take the civil service exam, but it is really difficult...
In the era of fierce competition, those parents who "do not put pressure on their children" are envious: parents support unconditionally, and their own safety and health are their greatest wishes. ▼
Let’s take a look at the story of another teacher student, from Douban @一年小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小小�
In this story, I found that there is a little secret to creating a relaxed family atmosphere:
When the owner of the floor was in kindergarten, he had separation anxiety and was very crying, and his handwriting was not well written. The five big three were thick and thick and broke through the "strange pattern" through the back of the paper, and he was not like the delicate little girl at the same table. The poster’s parents discussed it and decided to talk to the teacher. They brought a lot of fruits and smiled. They talked to the teacher: "Don’t let our child do his homework, just be happy here."
When he was in elementary school, the poster’s club was afraid of seriousness and dared not raise his hand to speak in class. Although she was a child with the leading grades in the class, she would still hide in the shape of an ostrich when the teacher called to answer questions. The teacher was very worried: "This child is very serious in studying, but his personality can be more cheerful." The poster was even more worried when he heard this. He went home to cry to his mother. After the mother laughed, she said to her, "It's okay, then we just hide lower when the teacher asked the question." The social terror problem has always troubled the poster. She wanted to change very much and wanted to compete with herself. She joined the debate team in her freshman year. As expected, she was too nervous on the spot and caused the team to lose the game. The poster cried and gave her mother to her. When she called, her mother comforted her: "It's okay, we can just give less speeches on stage in the future."
The master of the junior high school participated in the teaching team and needed to give trial lectures repeatedly. She couldn't teach a class well every time. Her mother said, "It's okay, we can't be a teacher in the future." She couldn't learn statistics for the senior year, and her mother said, "Just don't take the make-up exam. If there is no way, she won't be afraid of failing the subject." In private, her mother found a lot of reference materials for the poster.
The postgraduate entrance examination failed in the first year of the postgraduate entrance examination. It happened that the family business experienced an economic crisis . Grandpa found out that advanced cancer .The poster hesitated to find a job or take the postgraduate entrance examination in World War II. The mother told her daughter:
"If you want to continue studying, World War II. I estimate that the current situation does not require you to make money immediately to supplement the family income. If we need you to make money, we will tell you truthfully. I believe you will be willing to help your family. Then there is no such situation now. We don't need to act in a bitter drama of mutual support. You boldly prepare for the exam, discuss the money you should spend, be transparent with each other, communicate more, and do not have a moral burden."
From elementary school to university and until graduated from graduate school, the poster's parents used a "Buddhist" education method. Faced with the "bad" situation, although the parents would advise their daughter not to force themselves too much, the final result made both parties happy. For example, the poster won the first place in the later speech competition.
said: "Every time I feel like I'm lying flat, I'll ask me to get up and work. Every time I'm anxious and difficult, they (parents) are my speed bump ."
If I want to use one word to summarize such a family environment, the first thing I can think of is "sagging" .
Recently, when I was communicating with some parents, I talked about how it is difficult to relax in an anxious and intracurrency environment. I would ask me how I can achieve a sense of relaxation?
Now I have a very good secret: that is, at a specific time, make the child's "speed bump" , and makes the family "relax".
In the second family above, Every time the daughter is in trouble, the parents become a daughter's "speed bump" . They know that their daughters are often anxious and difficult, so they become "speed bumps" to teach their daughters the courage to allow anything to happen. In bad situations, they still need to maintain emotional stability and feel more relaxed. When encountering his daughter's fault, he did not blame or put any harm in the wrong, and always conveyed a stable emotional state to his daughter.
Later, the poster also added some small details of family life. Such enlightened parents are not very knowledgeable or from wealthy families. After graduating from high school, their parents began to travel around the world and opened a small shop that had been working hard for more than 20 years. They are hardworking working people at the bottom. They pay social security by themselves and can start getting their pensions last year.
The mother of the floor recently went ashore for the adult college entrance examination and started studying accounting. She watches economics classes on video websites every day. My mother thinks she is 55 years old now, after she has finished her five years of study, she still wants to go to work after graduation at the age of 60.
In addition, my mother often buys books for her father and "warns" him: if she doesn't read, she will become a greasy man with a big beer belly! Mom always creates a feeling for her father--he is still young now and the road is at his feet.
↑ In addition to sharing songs from the elderly in the group, the poster's father posted his reading experience that day
Those children who are in a relaxed family relationship are really enviable!
Family Education There is a golden rule: relationships are greater than education. Only after a good parent-child relationship can parents have the opportunity to influence their children. At this time, the "speed bump" in the parent-child relationship is extra important.
Finally, let me share with you an example: ▼
The yogurt is overturned, and the child must be very panicked. At this time, the sentence "It's ok" is a "speed bump" given to his children by parents.
deal with emotions in advance and then deal with things, it is really much more comfortable than parents blaming the yogurt on the floor in front of everyone, and patting the child and saying "It's ok". Such an environment is full of slack.
Adler psychology proposes: "Horizontal relationship" is the best state in interpersonal relationships.
In a vertical relationship, it contains a power orientation, that is, parents are superior to children, and the purpose behind it is to try to manipulate children.Unlike the "power orientation" in vertical relationships, horizontal relationships can better accept each other's differences and focus on relationships of equality, mutual respect and common coordination.
Good education is to establish a "horizontal relationship" with children, have " speed bump ", have a sense of relaxation, communicate, respect, and love.
