Yesterday, a literary friend told a story from childhood.
When I was a child, I was often bullied by other classmates because I was small.
My mother doesn’t know how to curse, and she hasn’t learned to curse either. She was too embarrassed to say the same thing back, so she had to endure it silently.
She went home and told her father, but his father did not give any feedback.
As a result, she felt that she was not seen and loved by her parents. I have always been trapped in the vortex of lack of love.
She said: "Teachers take it very seriously when children are bullied. But parents usually don't pay enough attention to this matter."
You must know that what your child says must be a big deal to him.
The child cannot defeat the bully, and her parents do not respond when she asks for help. So she started attacking herself.
When a child is bullied, parents must be able to see the child's grievance, and parents must support the child unconditionally.
I deeply agree, I have also experienced this.
In the third grade of elementary school, I played with my female classmates in the same yard, throwing sand at each other, and it was very uncomfortable. But she lost the last round and ran home crying.
I walked behind and walked slowly to the front of the house. I heard her father shouting to her father by name: "Your daughter throws sand at my child, you have to take care of her."
At that time, there was a girl in front of my house. There was a pond, and my father was fetching water. I heard him say: "Okay, I will go home and repair it later."
Fear came overwhelmingly, so I hung my head and entered the house dejectedly.
I am very afraid of my father. I often get beaten, and I thought that today I will definitely get another beating.
While I was eating, my father came back. When I saw him, my hands trembled and the rice in the bowl scattered all over the table. Dad glanced at it without saying a word. He picked up the bowl and ate silently.
Suddenly, the overwhelming grievance gave me courage. I shed tears, crying and complaining: "I didn't bully her. She threw sand at me first, and then I fought back."
Dad listened to my words, but still didn't say anything. Maybe it was my crying that saved my father from scolding and beating me.
But the fear and my father’s silence at that time left a deep shadow in my heart. From then on, I was afraid of conflict and felt uneasy whenever there was conflict.
Whenever I hear a child say: "Huh, I want to tell my dad." I feel envious in my heart. When a child is wronged, his first reaction is the most genuine.
In a child's mind, his parents are his guardian angels. When he was bullied, the only people he could think of were his parents.
What should parents do if their children are bullied? Mei Shiying, the author of "Awakening Children's Intrinsic Drive", and her family gave us a good example.
When her daughter Qian Xiaoya came back from kindergarten, she said: "Chacha hit me. I was playing with my toys. He came up and took mine. If I didn't give it to him, he pushed me."
Mei Shiying immediately comforted her daughter. : "It's okay, daughter. If he pushes you again, you tell me, I'll tell his mother, and then tell his grandma, and then I'll tell you Teacher Zhang, you must teach this little boy a lesson."
Qian's father did not agree, he Said: "Come here, my daughter, let me tell you, no one can hit you. This can't happen a second time. If anyone dares to hit you again, you must hit me back, hard!"
That's not all. After finishing the calculation, he personally demonstrated on his body, taught his daughter how to fight back, and let her practice.
With such parents, children must have a sense of security. Across the screen, I was moved by such parents.
When a child is bullied, the parents see it and give positive feedback. All the grievances and negative emotions of the child will disappear.
In fact, children do not need to win or lose in that fight. Even if she has never been beaten, her physical injuries tend to heal easily. Because she realizes the deep love her parents have for her.
A loving child will be full of confidence and confidence wherever he goes. I wish parents all over the world could see their children. Nothing is trivial in the eyes of children. When a child encounters bullying, your feedback is where she ends up.
"Protect the calf" can easily be regarded as derogatory, but as long as your love to protect the calf does not deviate from morals and laws, it is the most beautiful love. It will breed the child's lifelong strength and inspire him to move forward bravely.
