Author: Pan'er Benxian
This article comes from "Relationship between Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law" section
Original title: Mother-in-law helps her daughter with the children but not her son
Thanks to the author for providing high-quality original content for Tianya
Many couples are at odds with each other after getting married. When parents live together, the couple can still be loving and have a harmonious family. Once a child is born and the elderly need help, all kinds of conflicts begin to surface. No, the post titled "Mother-in-law helps her daughter take care of the children but not her son" has attracted many netizens to watch and comment.
My husband is a brother and sister, and I am an only child. My mother-in-law helped her daughter take care of the child until she is now 6 years old. We got married the year before last, and gave birth to a baby during the Chinese New Year this year. The baby is now 5 months old.
During my pregnancy, my mother quit her job and came to take care of her. At that time, she was considerate and helped her sister with the baby. Because our baby was not born yet, we asked my mother to come first, and then grandma came to come after the baby was born. This was discussed with my husband. , he also said that he had settled it with his mother.
Now my maternity leave is about to end and I am going to work. My mother has been here for a week and she secretly said that she wants to go back. Yesterday we had a formal talk with her. She said that her sister can't live without her, and her sister can't cook or is afraid. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law was not good, and other excuses for not taking the baby were asked, so I negotiated with my parents to let them come, and shamelessly said that from now on, the grandparents would be the main ones, and they would come occasionally.
I told her about my parents’ difficulties. My father has not retired yet, and now I still have my grandmother and grandparents, both of whom are almost 80 years old. Their health is getting worse day by day. They are the eldest members of the family and they really can’t leave. , it is impossible for me to be your first priority and help me take care of my child. This is also what my parents want. Besides, whose surname will the child have?
But my mother-in-law didn't listen. After talking for a long time, she still asked me to go back to discuss it. If I don't take your last name, will your parents stop taking it? is unreasonable!
Neither my parents-in-law have pensions, my father-in-law is still working out of town, and my mother-in-law has been taking care of the children at my daughter's house. My husband's grandparents are gone, so they have no upward pressure and can only focus on taking care of their daughter's house.
My daughter has better conditions than my son. They work within the system. The kindergarten the children go to is also in the company. My brother-in-law is a university teacher and has relatively free time. Moreover, my eldest sister-in-law’s parents-in-law are also local and can help pick up and drop off the child. However, the mother-in-law wants to help her daughter with the child. The daughter also helps by saying that she wants her mother to take care of the child, saying that her parents-in-law are not in good health, but in fact her father-in-law is still helping. Others drive and make money.
I asked my mother-in-law, didn’t we make an agreement at that time? Why change your mind now? If your daughter has difficulties, won’t we have difficulties? Isn’t my parents’ difficulties a difficulty? She said she had never expressed her intention to take care of our children.
I asked my husband to find a way. He has never had a position in their family. His mother has the final say. If it doesn’t work, he will resign and stay at home to take care of the children. She actually told my husband that you should resign, because this son is still his biological son. Of?
When my mother-in-law first came here, she told my husband that we had no money to build a house in our hometown and had to borrow 50,000 yuan. We had just gotten married and had a baby. We also paid off some mortgages in advance and bought a car. Now is the time to use money. , I really can’t borrow so much, but considering that I will help us take care of our children, I decided to come up with 20,000 yuan without having to pay it back.
In addition, I also told my mother-in-law that she does not have to spend money to raise the children in our place. We will give her money and we will buy her whatever she needs. She just refused to give up, saying that they would pay for it and that my grandparents would do the work, and she said in a very angry tone that my mother would be paid.
First, I don’t need her money. Second, my father has a salary and my mother has a pension. She has enough money to build several houses at home. Third, she can’t even build a house. She needs to borrow it from us and still has money to give me? Huabing ranked first.
During the Chinese New Year, because my mother took care of me here for half a year, and my due date was during the Chinese New Year, we decided that my parents would spend the Chinese New Year with us here, and it would be inconvenient for me to go back. My parents-in-law are unhappy again, meaning they can’t stay at my son’s house during the Chinese New Year. I can usually help my daughter take care of the children during the Chinese New Year, but I can’t stay at my daughter’s house during the Chinese New Year? now knows that this is the son’s home? Ignore your son when you need him?
It has only been a few days since I gave birth to the baby. During the confinement period, it was my mother and confinement nanny. I paid for the confinement nanny myself. When the baby was born, she paid 20,000 yuan for the baby. Normally, I pay every month. One or two thousand each, and my parents contributed money and effort to buy goldware.
Dear sisters, how do you deal with such a mother-in-law?
I think, if you don’t help us take care of the child, we will figure it out on our own, and we will be responsible for the birth by ourselves, and we don’t need her to arrange for my parents. I will look after my mother-in-law for ten years, and my daughter-in-law for ten years..
How you treat me today will be how I treat you in the future. If you are unkind, I will be unjust.
Tianya netizen @ruirui3658:
It’s been a long time since a similar post appeared, but there are still people asking mother-in-law to take care of their children? Have you heard of this word? Physiological disgust refers specifically to the daughter-in-law's reaction to her mother-in-law (I don't know if the mother-in-law feels the same way to her daughter-in-law, because I haven't become a mother-in-law yet. I'll talk about it later when I have a daughter-in-law). If you let your mother-in-law take care of the children and live with her every day, wouldn't you think that every day is like a year?
I think your mother-in-law is right. Just ask your husband to resign and take care of the children. You make money to support your family. As for the child's surname, if you care, let the child have your surname. If you don't care, let it be whatever you want.
Tianya netizen @ruirui3658:
In our case, there are usually two elderly people competing to take care of the children. Only when the own children have the upper hand can they get the right to take care of the children. Generally speaking, the nanny takes care of the children, and the grandma cooks and supervises the nanny part-time. When shopping for groceries, grandparents come to the house from time to time to enjoy the food.
Tianya netizen @花 Pig was stepped on:
Your mother-in-law has placed the wealth of her retirement on her daughter and her husband, so she should look down on her son. So the poster keeps his family's money safe. If your husband can’t carry it clearly, you can ask him to get out. Compared to the two of you, your husband has no way out and is more afraid of the cost of remarriage than you are. His sister may not be reliable, and his parents do not have any pension security. If my aunt was reliable, she would have already thought of a way, or discussed with her brother, to get pension insurance or critical illness insurance for her parents. Tianya netizen @鱼儿like eating grapes 0: Since your mother-in-law has told her son to resign and take care of him, then ask your husband to resign and take care of him. It is such a simple thing, and it does not mean that you are missing some salary from your husband. Asking him to resign and take care of the child for a few years would be considered a matter of having the child bear his surname. Fellow fans, what do you think? Please click the link below to read the original text:
