Introduction In fact, what defeats you is often not the difficulty itself, but often the unnecessary emotional consumption. Instead of complaining, it is better to change. 1 Let me tell you a story first, which is the writer Zhang Defen’s experience of changing himself. One morni

Introduction

In fact, what defeats you is often not the difficulty itself, but often the unnecessary emotional consumption. Instead of complaining, it is better to change.

1

Let me tell you a story first. It is the experience of writer Zhang Defen changing himself.

One morning, Zhang Defen, who was busy with work, rarely had time to have breakfast with the children.

My daughter arrived at the dining table early, but my son kept lingering upstairs and couldn't come down.

She was in a bad mood that day, and she didn't like her son no matter how she looked at him.

Seeing that his son moved slowly, Zhang Defen scolded him angrily:

"Look, you move so slowly! You spent so much time upstairs in the morning. I should have sent you to join the army to train you to move well." Hurry up!"

After hearing this, the son retorted unhappily: "Why are you slow? We have to wear a uniform and a tie today. It's very complicated."

Zhang Defen kept chattering, and his son kept arguing. It was a beautiful morning. Just passed by complaining.

That morning, she heard her son yelling at his sister, telling her to go out quickly, his tone full of impatience.

Zhang Defen was about to stop him before he realized that he looked very much like himself just now.

She also realized that her son was always slow, but he never missed anything and they could all catch the school bus to school on time.

And I was like a walking bomb, venting all the things I couldn't stand and the accumulated emotions on my children. After

this incident, she began to reflect on herself and control her emotions.

One night, it was almost 11 o'clock. Zhang Defen saw that his son not only did not sleep, but was throwing a tantrum.

As usual, she would impatiently tell her son to stop looking for trouble and go back to his room to sleep.

But this time, Zhang Defen just asked him gently what happened.

learned that he was angry with his sister for breaking her things, so she quietly listened to him vent.

At the end, she said softly: "The sister who made you unhappy has already fallen asleep, and you are still angry here. Do you think it is worth it?"

The son was thoughtful and finally calmed down.

Zhang Defen said frankly that he once suffered from emotional pain and was an unhappy person for a long time.

Now after deliberately adjusting her emotions, her relationship with her children has become closer and her life is happier.

2

An international research organization once conducted a sample survey on people in 25 economically developed countries with the theme "Are you happy every day?"

The results were unexpected, with more than 60% of people giving a negative answer.

Most people who feel unhappy have one thing in common: they are like a walking garbage truck, full of negative energy.

It's like the " kicking the cat effect " in psychology. When we convey our dissatisfaction to the people around us, a series of vicious chain reactions will occur. In the end, we will hurt others and ourselves.

Only by learning "negative energy management" can you truly solve the problem and make your life smoother.

The world is complicated. No matter where you are, you will always encounter many people and things that make you furious.

Really powerful people will never lose their minds among the people and things that consume them.

Once, former U.S. Secretary of War Stanton complained to Lincoln that a subordinate insulted him.

Lincoln suggested to Stanton that he write a letter scolding him in return.

Stanton immediately wrote a strongly worded letter, and Lincoln shouted "well written" after reading it.

Just when Stanton was about to send the letter, he stopped him:

"This letter is well written, which means that you have relieved yourself when you wrote it. Now throw it into the stove and burn it. Every time I get angry

I have seen this sentence:

"The appearance of the world depends on the way you look at it."

A truly strong person will never let his world be clouded all the time.

3

very much agrees with the saying: "Only by managing your negative energy well can you manage your life well."

People must learn to digest negative energy by themselves in order to travel lightly.

Let me give you three suggestions for managing negative energy.

01 Think from multiple perspectives and adjust the way of thinking

Psychological counselor Jia Jie in "Living Clearly" proposed a very practical trick for managing negative emotions - the "Big Dipper Array".

To put it simply, when we feel angry or frustrated, we can try to imagine from six perspectives: ourselves, bystanders, related people, cameras, role models, and the future.

When faced with the same thing or the same trouble:

How would it appear if it were recorded by a camera?

How will you deal with the person you admire?

html Will you still feel pain about this in 210 years?

...

6 characters, 6 angles , when your thoughts complete this circle, you will find that you are becoming more and more open.

As the saying goes, When your thoughts change, the world changes.

02 Leave yourself 12 seconds

Emotion management expert Dr. Ronald once said a conclusion:

"Storm-like anger often lasts no more than 12 seconds. It destroys everything when it breaks out, but it is calm afterwards.

Control it well. These 12 seconds can relieve negative emotions. "

When you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath and give yourself 12 seconds.

Don't say angry words or do hurtful actions, so you can avoid many unnecessary conflicts.

Sometimes, negative energy dissipates as quickly as it comes.

stabilizes the first 12 seconds, and stabilizes the entire life.

03 Allow the existence of negative emotions

Psychology believes:

"What can make a person happy is not suppressing negative emotions and pretending to be happy; it is whether we can open our inner world and accept our true selves."

people Our emotions are inherently complex and changeable, and we must accept the existence of any emotion.

When negative energy surges up, be brave enough to admit your emotions.

then Make a small space for yourself to vent your emotions reasonably.

Writer Li Shanglong once said:

"Negative energy is to lash out at others' faults and scold the injustice of society;

Positive energy is to tell you after finishing speaking, no matter how hard it is, I can still make some changes through hard work." ”

From today on, I hope you can turn all your useless complaints into useful actions and rush towards a better life.