Recently, I came across a heart-warming video: My 3-year-old daughter wanted to go to kindergarten alone, and her mother secretly escorted her. In Shenzhen, Guangdong, a little girl got up in the morning and told her mother that she wanted to try walking to kindergarten by hersel

Recently, I came across a heart-warming video: htmlThe 23-year-old daughter wants to go to kindergarten alone, and her mother secretly escorts her .

In Shenzhen, Guangdong, after a little girl got up in the morning, she told her mother that she wanted to try walking to kindergarten by herself today and also wanted to go home by herself after school. Her mother agreed. Before the little girl left, she said goodbye to her mother: Just wait for me to come home for dinner.

After the mother watched her daughter leave at the door, she quietly followed her daughter all the way and recorded the whole process of her daughter going to school alone: ​​her daughter held on to the guardrail and walked down the stairs, walked out of the community leisurely, and looked at the scenery everywhere along the way. When she was about to cross the road, her daughter stood at the zebra crossing and looked left and right to make sure there was no car and quickly crossed the road. Finally, when she arrived at the entrance of the kindergarten, her daughter ran over happily and proudly said to the teacher: "I came here by myself!"

This mother's approach is also somewhat controversial. Some netizens feel that it is too dangerous for children to go to and from school by themselves. , completely unnecessary.

I sent the video to my mother, Jane, teacher Huang Jingjie , and wanted to hear her opinion.

(Welcome everyone to pay attention to the new column of the Parent Hall, "Flower Mom Listens to Jane". I will discuss various issues in parenting with Teacher Jingjie. You are also welcome to leave us a message.)

1

"I can do it" "I can"

"I want to try"...

Teacher Jingjie said that the age of 3 to 6 is the first "turning" period in parenting. From the age of 3, the child's self-awareness will become more and more clear. At this stage, The psychological characteristic of children is that they need a sense of self-esteem, which is different from self-esteem. Self-esteem means that children need to have certain confirmation of their abilities. So like the little girl above, she especially wants to prove her abilities. ▼

　 In my opinion, this little girl just wants to prove that "she can go to kindergarten independently." In fact, this proof of ability is a psychological need of the child.

Her mother gave her daughter a An opportunity to go to school on your own and prove your ability. This mother is very smart, just like playing a hide-and-seek game with her child.

It is worth noting that the little girl does everything very well along the way, such as looking left and right when crossing the road. She was imitating how her mother usually took her to kindergarten. When she finally ran to the kindergarten and told the teacher that she was the one who came, she was very proud at that moment.

The child was doing it in front, and her mother was quietly protecting her from behind and letting the child finish. A kind of psychological growth, independent completion of a new attempt, this is a great case. "

As teacher Jingjie said, this mother does not really intend to let her daughter go to and from school by herself. A chance for my daughter to prove herself.

I asked teacher Jingjie if her two sons had similar experiences when they were young. For example, how do you feel as a parent when you have to leave home for a few days to attend summer camp? Should I be more worried or happy? ▼

「 My own children are like this too. I remember that my brother went to a boarding summer camp for the first time when he was 13 years old. At that time, he was only 6 years old, and it was stipulated that he must be 8 years old to participate.

Because my brother always watched his brother with himself and The teacher communicated with him, so my brother asked me to take him to the admissions office. I asked the child to go up and communicate with the teacher on his own, and he boldly said to the admissions teacher: "When I am 8 years old, I will also come to register!" Then you have to accept me! "It seems that the younger brother has imitated his elder brother's appearance and communicated on his own.

Two years later, when the younger brother was 8 years old, he signed up for a two-week music summer camp. This was his first time away. I didn’t hear any news in the first week. I thought no news was good news, so I didn’t call him to “harass” him.

At the end of the first week, the summer camp was just over half way through. I received a phone call. There was no sound on the other end of the phone for a long time. I guessed it was from my younger brother, so I called his name. Then there was a call from the phone. Hearing his younger brother's voice, he said: "Mom, I miss you." 　

On the first phone call at the weekend, Teacher Jingjie saw her younger brother's growth. Children know where the boundaries of their abilities are when they leave their parents. Only then will the child see that he is an independent individual and will try to think independently. If he is always around his parents, he will not think. He will only listen to what his parents tell him to do before he does it.

We don’t need to be demanding about what targets our children have achieved, what rankings they have achieved, or how well they have done. What is important is that our children have the good wishes of “I can do it”, “I can” and “I want to try”.

2

"At what age did you start doing soy sauce?"

Teacher Jingjie said that in our neighboring country, Japan, there is a popular variety show "Chu Qing" for more than 30 years. The theme of the shooting is to record the first time children run errands for their parents. Throughout the process, these young children overcame difficulties along the way and completed their first independent small task in life.

Under the recommendation of teacher Jingjie, I watched several episodes of the program and was deeply touched. Here I would like to share with you the story of a 3-year-old girl, Tian Ai: ▼

-year-old Tian Ai is the second child in the family, and her first The first errand task was to buy ingredients for dinner and receive carnations and cake for my mother.

Before going out, Li Ai started crying. She had been protected like a little princess by her parents since she was a child. She had never had such an experience. Before going out, Dad stuffed a lot of candies into Li'ai's pocket to cheer her up.

Wu Ai was still very scared. She would look back at her father after taking a few steps. It was not until she turned the first corner and lost sight of her father that Wu Ai began to cry loudly.

Going out independently for the first time, and having to complete the task of shopping, was indeed a bit difficult for Wu Ai, but Wu Ai still continued to move forward firmly.

When Wu Ai was very scared, she took out the candy her father gave her before leaving. It seemed that courage was also conveyed to Wu Ai through the candy her father gave her.

Along the way, Li Ai met many kind-hearted people. Not long after I left home, I met the mother of my classmate, comforting Li Ai who still couldn't calm down; worried that the child would not be able to cross the road alone, the auntie of the flower shop gently held Tian Ai's hand to cross the road; she didn't know Li Ai. Love, but the passers-by who cheered her on...

Although she couldn't stop crying along the way, she successfully completed her first errand.

The father on the other side, although he was very worried when Li Ai set off, he could not stand still. When he saw his daughter coming back, the father wanted to help her get something, but he saw her crying bitterly. Looking like a child, Dad held back his tears and waited for Li Ai to come over.

"If you want to do it, do it to the end."

This is what my father learned from his grandfather. Although the child is very scared, in our understanding, such a young child does not have the ability to go out independently, but the child's ability and growth can only be seen by parents if they let go.

3

Protect and build children's sense of self-esteem

Start by letting go

A mother once asked Teacher Jingjie, what should I do if my child suddenly doesn't want to go to school? ▼

Teacher Jingjie told her to go back and carefully observe whether the child had encountered difficulties in school recently, and guide the child to express his feelings. It turned out that the reason why the child did not want to go to school was completely unexpected by the mother - the mother bought the child a small schoolbag with a pink pattern, but the child was laughed at by his classmates, saying that he was carrying a girl's schoolbag.

When the child came home, he didn’t dare to say that he didn’t want to carry the schoolbag anymore, so his little mind came up with an idea to escape the pressure, that is, not to go to school! His thinking logic is that as long as the students can't see him, they can't see the pink schoolbag he's carrying; as long as the students can't see the pink schoolbag, he is safe.

『 In the eyes of parents, a pink schoolbag is just a trivial matter, not as serious as not daring to go to school. But in the eyes of boys, not being teased by classmates is much more important than going to school. Although children don’t understand yet "Self-esteem" is a word, but "self-esteem" has already sprouted in his heart.

From this pink schoolbag, it can be seen that in real life, the boy is often manipulated by his mother and cannot even decide to buy his own schoolbag. What color? These seemingly small details of life are a reflection of care in the eyes of parents, but in the children's hearts they form a sense of low self-esteem: "I am useless because others laugh at me!" ""

In Teacher Jingjie's new book "The Pattern of Time", three major categories of activities are listed that are conducive to protecting self-esteem. One of them is related to our topic today - Take the initiative to learn new life skills , try to complete new tasks in life.

If you hold your children in your arms forever, they will never be able to grow, and parents who never let go will never know how strong their children are.

Teacher Jingjie said that many parents are trapped in the trap of contradictory parenting: ▼

「 Treat the child as a treasure that will never grow up in the palm of your hand, fearing that he or she will not be able to do this or that. Okay, so I don't let go, don't let go, don't give in, and think that these children will do it naturally when they grow up. But after a long time, they will find that the hands and feet of this child no longer belong to him.

The first point of independence is. It must be to respect the child and allow him to do something within his ability; the second point of independence is to allow the child to make mistakes.

The independence of a child's behavior must be independent of behavioral awareness - I can do it, I want to do it, and I can do it well. ...This is the first step to self-esteem, and this is the beginning of independent behavior.

So independence should be like the mother who secretly escorted her daughter to kindergarten at the beginning, giving her children trust, opportunities to try and trial and error, and at the same time. Be there to protect them silently instead of directly telling them what to do. 　

Many times, what is scary and insurmountable is the mentality of the parents.

If we don’t let go of our children, we will never know how good our children are.