When children are wronged, many parents will comfort their children, but some parents like to use "it's okay" indiscriminately to comfort their children, which will cause a bad experience for the children. Not only will it not have a comforting effect, but it may also cause Some negative results.
Chenchen’s mother took Chenchen to a relative’s house for a visit. During this period, her mother and relatives had a lively chat in the house, while Chenchen went out to play with the children in the village.
As a result, after a while, Chenchen came back with a sad face, and told his mother that when he was playing with others outside, he had some disputes over trivial matters. As a result, the children in the village were more domineering and beat Chenchen directly. .
When she heard that Chenchen had been beaten, her mother was a little worried at first, but after checking, she realized that Chenchen's "beating" was actually a push between children. He did not suffer much damage, but was a little bit. "Losing face".
It is very common for such things to happen between children, so Chenchen’s mother didn’t take it too seriously. Instead, she smiled and said “it’s okay” and turned around to chat with her relatives again. The relatives also gave Chenchen a handful of candies and asked Chenchen to play happily.
Chenchen was beaten. After coming back, he fully expected that his mother would be his solid backing and be able to find justice for him. However, her mother was indifferent to the fact that she was beaten, which made Chenchen full of disappointment.
In the world of adults, they may think that it is best for children to resolve matters among themselves, and it is inconvenient for adults to intervene, or they may think that fighting among children is normal and there is no need to resort to force.
However, if parents do not give their children any help , the children are likely to have some psychological impressions, which will affect their development and growth.
Parents' "It doesn't matter" will hurt the child's psychology and affect the child's character
" Parents must read " writes: "Teach children the skills to get along with their peers and methods to resolve conflicts, and gradually improve the child's social development Communication skills. "
However, when many parents see their children being bullied, they will always be "magnanimous" and say it's okay, which will seriously hurt their children's hearts.
① When saying "it doesn't matter", you need to pay attention to the object, occasion and timing.
The sentence "It doesn't matter" is actually very simple. The original intention of parents is to let their children learn to be generous, polite and tolerant, so that children will no longer worry about "little things".
However, not all things are suitable for saying "it doesn't matter." When parents say "it doesn't matter," they must clearly understand the object, timing, and occasion. If "it doesn't matter" is used incorrectly, it will cause bad consequences to the child. Influence.
For example, if a child is bullied outside and wants to find comfort when he comes home, the parent will tell the child "it's okay" every time.
As time goes by, the children think that they will never get the results they need if they go to their parents. The parents will not care about their own affairs at all, so they will slowly stop telling their parents about their own affairs.
The continuous accumulation of these things will affect the child's personality and psychology, and even lead to depression and other problems.
② Abuse of "it doesn't matter" will destroy the formation of children's correct concepts.
"It doesn't matter" is a sign of tolerance and generosity, but if it is abused, it will cause children to lose the formation of correct concepts, because not everything can be "ok", and some things must be "ok".
For example, if a child is bullied at school, such a thing is absolutely "relevant". After the child tells the parents, the parents need to intervene, become the child's backing, and seek justice for the child.
If parents ignore it, the children may think that school bullying is a normal thing, and their personalities will become extreme. Either they will become cowardly, or they will become like those who bully them. Overwhelm others.
③ Casually saying "It doesn't matter" will affect the child's personality development
"It doesn't matter" that parents always talk about, will also have a great impact on the child's personality.
It doesn’t matter is a kind of humility, not cowardice. However, when everything is “it doesn’t matter”, “it doesn’t matter” loses its essential meaning, and children will begin to have no principles, no bottom line, become cowardly, inferior, and become Become timid, withdrawn, and become incompatible with society.
When a child's personality changes, the child's habits will also be affected and change. For example, the child starts to like to stay at home, starts to like a person, starts to like to be silent, etc. In the end, what is waiting for the child will be Serious psychological problems.
Parents' "It doesn't matter" will affect the parent-child relationship and make children lose trust in their parents.
" Preschool Education Research " writes: "We should pay attention to children's mental health."
And if the child is wronged, parents only If you say "It's okay", it will seriously affect the parent-child relationship.
※Parents are the "solid backing" in children's hearts
After a child is born, the first thing he sees is his parents. When a child learns to speak, the first thing he calls is "Dad" and "Mom".
A child's entire childhood life is spent with his parents. It can be said that parents are the child's entire world.
Therefore, when children encounter anything, they will find their parents for help, because parents are their "solid backing" in the hearts of their children. There is nothing in this world that their parents cannot do. What is more secure than parents, and nothing can make one trust more than parents.
If one day, the "strong shield" is no longer reliable, then the impression of parents on their children will undergo earth-shaking changes, and the parent-child relationship will also be seriously affected.
※Saying "it's okay" casually may cause a crisis of trust between parents and children
Children attach great importance to their parents' words. Even if it is a joke from their parents, the children may believe it.
However, if parents often treat their children with "it doesn't matter", then the children will have a kind of distrust of their parents.
In fact, at the beginning, children may think that what happens to them is really "never mind", but as time goes by, when parents say "it doesn't matter" no matter what, the children will notice the problem. , realizing that parents are perfunctory themselves.
This situation will seriously degrade the integrity of parents in the hearts of their children and put parents in a deep crisis of trust.
※ Saying "It doesn't matter" for a long time may cause children to close themselves off
When children grow up, they will ask their parents for help when they encounter any growth problems, because parents are the only people in their children's hearts who can truly help them.
However, when parents face their children's problems, they often say "it doesn't matter", which prevents their children from getting the accurate answers they want.
As we said before, if the child's concepts are not correctly established, the character is not correctly cultivated, the emotions are not properly channeled, etc., the child will fall into a state of confusion and self-isolate. I don’t want to “trouble” my parents anymore.
But at the same time, it will be difficult for parents to get into their children's hearts in the future.
A child is being bullied. How can parents help and guide their children to solve the problem?
"Beijing Education (General Education Edition)" writes: "When students encounter conflicts and problems, parents do not know how to help their children, and often show helplessness and helplessness."
So what should parents do when their children are bullied outside?
First, stabilize your emotions, including your own emotions and those of your children.
When a child is bullied, although some parents do not take it seriously, some parents take it too seriously, resulting in excessive emotions.
In fact, it is incorrect whether it is taken lightly or too seriously. Parents should first stabilize their emotions so that they can view the entire incident from a correct perspective.
After parents have stabilized their own emotions, the first thing they have to do is to stabilize their children's emotions and soothe their children's emotions so that the children will not be stimulated by excessive emotions for a long time and can return to normal faster. , to avoid mental health being affected.
Secondly, learn more about the cause of the matter.
When the child's emotions are stable, parents need to ask the child in detail about the cause and result of the matter, the time, place and people, so as to make objective judgments, determine the seriousness of the matter, determine the specific responsibilities of the matter, etc.
Of course, when confirming the incident, parents also need to listen to their children's descriptions with an objective attitude, because most children's expressive abilities are limited, and the description of things may not be so detailed and in place. Will use some words, sentences or tone that are easy to cause misunderstanding.
If parents do not carefully identify their children’s expression status, they may misunderstand and misjudge the event.
In addition, parents also need to inquire in detail about the incident reported by the child to connect the whole thing. This will allow parents to have a more objective evaluation and lay a solid foundation for subsequent handling.
Finally, choose the appropriate solution based on the actual situation.
When parents understand the cause and effect of the whole incident, they need to adopt different solutions based on factors such as the severity of the incident and responsibility.
If this matter is the fault of the child, then parents should explain to the child the right and wrong of the incident, correct the child's view of right and wrong, and let the child realize his mistake.
If this matter is someone else’s fault, but the seriousness is very low and it is not worth "coming to ask for an explanation", then parents can teach their children some ways to solve the problem, teach them to be generous and tolerant, and at the same time tell them "things are wrong". No more than three” to prevent magnanimity from turning into “cowardice”.
If the matter is serious, then parents can contact the other party’s parents, teachers, etc. to give feedback, ask the other party to provide corresponding education, and show the feedback results to the children to let them know that parents will always be the solid ones to protect them. backing.
What do you do when your child is bullied? Do you think your approach is appropriate?
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