The so-called labeling is to solidify children into a stereotype. This concept is also found in psychology and is called the "labeling effect."
If we always yell at our children: "Why are you so stupid?" "You can't even do such a simple thing." "You child is always too slow to do things." "You are still serious. Lazy. "I don't even know how to organize my schoolbag."
Over time, the child may actually become what we are talking about.
American psychologist Becker believes: "Once people are labeled with a certain label, they will become the person labeled by the label. "
When a person is labeled by a word or name, he will Do “self-image management”. Make your behavior consistent with the label content.
The reason why the "label effect" occurs is mainly because "label" has a qualitative guiding role. Whether it is "good" or "bad", it has a strong impact on a person's "self-identity of personality awareness". .
The result of "labeling" a person is often to make him develop in the direction indicated by the "label".
Negative labels are permanent "scars" in the heart
Safekids, a global child safety organization, once released such a poster.
The child's hands are holding a 26-point exam paper. The whole person receded slightly, the corners of his mouth drooped, his expression was tense, and he looked timid. Engraved on his body are the words his parents said to him:
Have your brain been eaten by a pig? After passing the test like this, do you still have the nerve to go home?
Every unpleasant word is engraved on the child's body, just like a scar is engraved on the child's heart. The pain caused by this kind of injury cannot be easily erased by time.
A few days ago, a friend said that when her husband was chatting, she accidentally mentioned that her son was a bit "stupid", otherwise why would he score so few points in every exam? My husband also said that he might be a bit "stupid".
At that time, her son had just come out of the room. He was stunned for a moment when he heard this, but she didn't take it seriously.
I discovered a few days later that the child was acting a little strange. He was no longer as lively and talkative as usual, and he looked very depressed and depressed.
Some time later, on the way home from school, my son suddenly said something shocking: "Mom, I want to ask you a question. In the eyes of you and my father, am I particularly useless?" ?"
The son lowered his head: "That day, I heard you and my father say that I was stupid. "
In fact, every word that the parents said was silently listened to and remembered by the child. Because parents are the most important people to their children, how could they not care about what the most important people think of them?
A sentence we casually say to our children is a label to them, and it is a fact that cannot be taken back.
Psychological research shows that children aged -6 are the most receptive to their parents' psychological cues. If we often say angry words to our children, it will be easier for them to develop negative personalities. After growing up, the possibility of developing low self-esteem, introversion, sensitivity, and depression greatly increases.
The child's memory may fade, but the child's emotions seal the memory in the subconscious, and the harm will remain in his life forever.
positive tags should also be moderately expressed
positive tags, usually expressing good evaluation. It can play an encouraging and positive role in children. From a human nature perspective, basically everyone likes to be affirmed and praised.
Of course, positive labels must also be moderate, so that children cannot lose their objective understanding.
Know how to accept children’s imperfections
A healthy parent-child relationship can not only provide children with the necessary conditions for learning and growth, but also establish sufficient emotional links with children.
No child is born to meet 100% of the expectations of his parents. If parents' expectations are forcibly instilled into the child, not only will the child not make progress, but it may also develop in the opposite direction.
Therefore, in the process of education, we must pay attention to:
Help children overcome practical difficulties
The reason why children are labeled "labeled" is sometimes because they encounter difficulties. For example:
- is willful, maybe because it is not good at expressing.
- Dilly-dallying may be due to difficulty in getting dressed.
- is shy, maybe because he doesn’t know how to get along with others.
Although these behaviors of children can sometimes make people crazy. But in fact they just lack experience, common sense or confidence. So when your child loses his temper and throws things away, you can tell him, and you can speak out when he is angry. When you find that your child has difficulty getting dressed, you can also set aside time to help him practice.
When the difficulties are solved, the children will naturally perform well.
Accept real children
Every child is an independent individual. Do not regard the child's normal development as a problem.
We must accept the imperfections of life with our children. Although children's personalities vary widely, in summary, they are either quieter or more lively. These are very normal.
You should not think that if a child is more introverted, he or she is " autistic ", and if he is more extroverted, he may be suspected of having "ADHD"
htmlChildren before the age of 16 have not yet developed the ability to think independently. They are highly dependent on their parents and are very receptive to psychological suggestions. follows the labels given by parents to find where they belong.
Don’t label your children casually, and don’t negatively comment on your children’s character, intelligence, abilities, etc...
When you want to call a child “stupid”, why not say: “It’s not difficult, let’s say more "
Instead of saying when a child is "lazy", it is better to say: "You should put away your toys."
When you want to say that a child is "naughty", it is better to say: "You should put away your toys. It's wrong to throw sand at other children. "
Accept each child for who they are, and don't simply and crudely define them with labels. This is the best education for your children. Don’t be a parent who only looks at your children with “one eye” and “ruins” your children. Note: Click ""link"" to get free online answers to your psychological confusion!
