My daughter told me that last week she was angry with a friend who refused to lend her his bicycle.
"I've been angry all day," said her daughter.
But this time I went to the bathroom alone and stayed for a long time. I tore the toilet paper in the bathroom into a "6" shape because it was a Saturday, and then threw it into the toilet and flushed it away.
After my daughter finished speaking, she smiled happily and proudly. I asked: "Will this help you get rid of your temper?" "Yes, I threw all the bad temper of the day into the toilet and flushed it away."
I am happy He smiled and gave his daughter a thumbs up.
When it comes to educating children, I believe that parents like me often encounter many difficulties and confusions.
At that time, I spent a lot of energy on educating my daughter about losing her temper. For a period of time, I really struggled with my child in a battle of wits and courage, and I often lost.
Looking back on the first half of the year, my daughter had a bad temper. Sometimes she was like a scourge. Whenever she felt unhappy or angry, she would lose her temper easily and yell.
That time our whole family had dinner together. My daughter didn’t like shrimp, so considering my grandpa’s taste, we put a small amount in our meal.
But she frowned instantly, and I said: You don’t need to eat the shrimps, just pick them out.
She pouted and sulked, and crossed her hands in an attitude of protest. Seeing that we didn't respond, her daughter threw the bowl to the ground and started crying desperately.
We are often frightened by this sudden situation. Sometimes my father will patiently coax her, but sometimes we will spend the whole day depressed.
My daughter's temper comes very suddenly. If she is even slightly dissatisfied with her, it will cause her to have a storm.
Sometimes when I am exhausted by my daughter’s temper, I will also have a temper with my daughter and accuse her of being disobedient. You are really a bad-tempered child...
Working hard with my daughter In the past six months, I have tried many ways to "treat" my daughter, just to change her bad temper, but the more I "treat" her, the more powerless I feel.
When I finally had to reflect on my own approach, I found that I had made a misunderstanding that most families would make.
Often we ignore the children's initiative when facing their own problems. Our excessive interference will make the children think psychologically that this is the responsibility of the parents and not his own responsibility.
Just like when our daughter has a temper, we will use our adult methods and thinking to solve the problem, but we rarely give the initiative to solve the problem to the child, and do not let the child realize psychologically that this is hers. As for the matter, our parents are just as assistants to help her solve this problem.
Such a purpose will eventually make the child and the problem become one, and while we are resisting the problem, we are also resisting the child.
How to let your daughter take the initiative to take on the task of controlling her temper?
Let her use her own methods to resist her temper, instead of like before where her father would take the initiative to coax her and I would scold the child?
I remember one time my daughter once again got emotional because of the food. I watched my daughter throw the food everywhere on the floor and kept crying.
I said to my daughter, does the coming of a temper make it impossible for you to eat well and communicate well with your mother?
Is this all the fault of bad temper?
My daughter suddenly stopped crying, looked at me and nodded, so what can you do to make the bad temper go away and prevent this "bad friend" from defeating you?
allows you to communicate well with your mother and eat well?
My daughter stopped crying, looked at me for a long time and said to me: Mom, hug me.
Every time a bad temper is about to come, I will communicate with my daughter in this way. My daughter has many ways to deal with bad temper. For example, when she is alone for a while, sometimes she needs us to hug her, and sometimes She would like to cry alone.
When communicating with my daughter, I try to use externalization to isolate the problem so that my daughter can see how this problem affects her life.
makes her unable to communicate well with her mother, and she cannot eat well. In this way, the child has a kind of initiative at the psychological level, realizes that this is her own business, and uses language that the daughter can understand during the communication process, such as bad words. How did your bad friend, Temper, treat you?
So, how do we learn to use externalization techniques and fun communication methods to solve problems encountered by children?
How to use fun communication methods with children at home to solve problems and confusions they encounter?
annotation
Why should we use interesting narrative communication methods? In narrative, a method is used called "externalization", which refers to separating people and problems. Separating people and problems can help reduce the pressure caused by blame and defense.
Often the reason I blame my children is because I feel a resistance in solving my daughter’s temper problem, and I feel powerless because I don’t know how to solve this problem.
Then, for the child, she is no longer equated with the problem. At this time, the child and the parents stand together to face the problem.
This interesting communication method is adapted to children's world and solves the problems they encounter in a language and method they can understand.
Author: Ning Muxue
Editor: Qingyun
WeChat public account: Bohai Ningxin Psychology ❤️
