Recently, my mother fell into deep anxiety because of a behavior of 4-year-old Lele. She regretted it after knowing the whole story. Just because she did something inappropriate before Lele was 3 years old.
She found that Lele never knew how to protect her toys and items while playing with other children. Anyone could easily take away the toys she was playing with from Lele's hands, but she just stood there blankly. After telling Lele many times, there was little success. My mother was very anxious, so she took Lele to me for consultation. Through communication and observation of Lele, it turns out that before Lele was 3 years old, before her awareness of property rights was established, her mother forced her children to share their toys and food with other children, and proudly praised her children for their generosity. . The mother hated herself for harming her child through her own ignorance.
I would like to warn all mothers to understand the growth patterns of their children. Do not force your children to do these 10 things before they are 3 years old. Otherwise, it will hinder the child's mental development, and even cause serious psychological deviations.
1. Don’t force your children to share
X for your sister to play with. Why are you so stingy?
Correct approach
✓ The child looks like he wants to eat too (guidance)
✓ If you are willing to share, the child should be very happy (encourage)
2. Don’t force your child to say hello
X Why don’t you call her aunt? It’s rude.
The correct approach
✓ When you meet your aunt later, she is a good friend of your mother.
(Introduce clearly)
✓ You can call her aunt when you see her later.
(respect children)
✓ If not, can you smile at her?
(Give the child time and choice to adapt)
3. Don’t force the child to say it’s okay
X My sister told you I’m sorry, you have to say it’s okay
The correct approach
✓ My sister has apologized to you, are you still angry (care)
✓If you feel better, you can say it’s okay (guidance)
✓If you are still angry, you can say it later, but I think you are still good friends, right? (Encouragement)
4. Don’t force your children to be brave
XWhy are you so timid? Boys should be braver
Correct approach
✓Mom can see that you are a little scared, right?
(Recognize Emotions)
✓ It’s normal to be a little scared, even mom is like this for the first time (accept emotions)
✓ But you can give it a try (Nudge)
✓ No matter what the result is, mom will support you, and you will always be in her heart. is the best (encouragement)
5..Don’t force your children to be generous
Whether to let him play (show respect)
✓ If you have thought about it, you are willing to let him play for a while, or you can take turns playing with him. It is up to you (guidance)
6. Don’t force your children to perform in public
X Come and sing to your uncle and aunt A song I learned yesterday
Correct way to do it
✓ Uncle and aunt really want to see you dance, he thinks you dance very well (for sure, kid)
✓ But mom thinks this is your business, you can decide to dance or not, we Everyone respects your decision
(Respect the child's decision)
7. Don't force your child to apologize
X You must apologize to your brother today
The correct approach
✓ You just pushed your brother. I guess you are too anxious or too angry, right? ( empathy )
✓But I think you also know that taking action is wrong. You should be able to think of a better solution (guidance)
✓How do you want to solve it now? Mom thinks you can try to apologize first. If you think you can, mom will go with you (construction)
8. Don’t force your children to be self-discipline
Is it difficult? (Concern)
✓How are you going to arrange the next time?
(Ask for ideas)
✓ As long as you can complete your homework, mom respects your
arrangement.(Limited choices)
9. Don’t force your children to admit their mistakes.
X If they are wrong, they are wrong. How can they learn to lie?
Correct approach
✓You lied and said you didn’t do it because you were afraid that your mother would punish you? (Emotion recognition)
✓In fact, everyone makes mistakes, and mothers also make mistakes.
(Ask for ideas)
✓Why do you do this? Can you tell your mother what's on your mind? (Concern)
✓It doesn’t matter, can we make a little better next time? (Recommended for sure)
10. Don’t force your children to fight back.
x Why are you so cowardly? Why don’t you fight back?
Correct approach
✓ Scared? Mom knows you feel wronged (emotion recognition)
✓ If someone hits you deliberately, you can fight back. We don’t cause trouble and we are not afraid of it. (Guidance)
✓ If you really don’t dare, you can also shout loudly, you will find that the other party will also be scared (suggestion)
✓ If the other party is much stronger than you, remember to run quickly, or seek help from an adult (teaching method)
When children grow up, the same things are handled in different ways at different stages of growth. As a parent, you must first understand the growth patterns and characteristics of your child, and learn to guide and assist your child in correct ways to deal with problems in life and study, so as to promote the healthy development of your child's body and mind.
I am a father and an early childhood educator. I spread scientific parenting methods and try my best to influence all those who can influence children.
