Three-year-old Doudou is having breakfast with his father and mother.
Xiao Doudou took a spoon, a mouthful of porridge, a mouthful of steamed buns, and knelt on the stool with two calves, um, um, very serious and well-behaved.
Mom and Dad quietly looked at each other and smiled happily. Suddenly, a white light flashed in front of their eyes, followed by a loud clanking sound. It turned out that Xiao Doudou raised his hand and threw the stainless steel spoon on the ground.
Dad immediately got angry and said sharply, "Doudou, why did you throw something away again? Pick it up."
Before he finished speaking, there was another crisp jingle, and Doudou raised his hand and threw the chopsticks on the ground.
Dad’s expression changed, and he was about to explode.
Mom quickly stood up, hugged Doudou's small body and leaned into her arms, and said softly: "Oh, Mom guesses that Little Doudou is preparing to sort out the tableware, right? There were spoons and chopsticks on the floor. Mom picked up the spoons. What did you pick up?”
Doudou nodded and said seriously, "I'll pick up both." After saying that, Gulu shuddered from the stool to the ground, his small waist bent and straightened, and the spoon and chopsticks were picked up back to the dining table.
Mom immediately gave two thumbs up and said, "Wow, why did Doudou move so fast? He picked it up in the blink of an eye."
Doudou was proud of himself, chattering and sharing his experience.
My mother raised her eyebrows at my father proudly, but my "poor" father couldn't say anything.
Dads and mothers always hope that if the baby says it once, the child will remember not to throw things away, and will not quietly, calmly or excitedly mess up the room and living room, and can’t even put his feet down, so he can just use toys. After playing, remember to put them back to the original place. You may even want to buy a toy and picture book storage rack for your child and place it at a certain angle in the living room or room. Then the child can organize the toys by himself, preferably according to his own ideas. By categorizing, you can remember where you put your toys. After playing with a toy, you can put it back and pick up another one. . . .
Dou Ma just wants to say that this kind of idea is very beautiful and naive.
Comrades, your big heads are thinking things you shouldn’t be thinking.
It is absolutely unacceptable to train children's habits patiently and lovingly, but expect such a small child to be able to obey orders and prohibitions and do what he says.
The point of view that Dou Mom wants to share with parents is:
1. Whether the child is obedient or not will be judged.
Right, separate people.
The same child, when he is with his father, will fly toys and clothes around wildly without any care; he may also pretend to laugh and continue to throw them when his father is angry. With my mother, I can act like a little gentleman and act on my own.
Psychologist Hyde found that people are accustomed to finding reasons and explanations for their daily lives, and they habitually attribute self-interested things to their own internal causes, magnifying their own role and value, while bad things will be attributed to external factors. Environmental influences, and ultimately we find ourselves oddly divided in our interpretations of the same thing.
So: Under the pressure of severe criticism and loud scolding from adults, children may take their own problems as a matter of course, pretend to ignore them, think that the matter does not exist if they do not take it seriously, or feel aggrieved, fearful, or rebellious and blame themselves.
At this time, lovely parents, please don’t think that you have found an opportunity, and be prepared to seize the opportunity to correct your child’s problems. We can try to show that we love him very much, and then help the child to find the external reasons for the problem. or positive reasons, to relieve the pressure of children and possible feelings of guilt and self-blame for making mistakes, and then guide children to act and think according to good habits and thinking, and enhance children's self-confidence.
2. Children being angry, yelling, and criticizing all kinds of things actually form internal driving habits, which means the immunity is ineffective, internal injuries occur, and the sequelae are long and severe. How do you say
? We assume two situations:
and one. Assuming that the person yelling at the child loves the child very much, yelling is invalid .There is a saying among the people that "seeing mother is sad". When other people or teachers take care of children, they will generally say, "Wow, the child is so good and obedient", but "for mother" knows that in front of mother, there is no other legend about the child. So obedient.
Children are smart. They know who they feel most secure in front of, can act mischievously, and can act coquettishly. They may still want to express their love in this way. The more this happens, the more parents can firmly believe that your child is extremely well-behaved, extremely smart, and loves you extremely, so the best response you can do is to accompany him more and express your love more. , more obedience.
In fact, lovely parents will definitely find that their children are not spoiled, and the more they follow them, the more sensible they become.
The second option is, assuming that the person yelling at the child actually doesn’t love the child that much, yelling may be effective in one second, but may have long-term sequelae that will make the person regretful for life. We all know that “lucky people use their childhood to heal their lives; "Unfortunate people spend their whole lives healing their childhood." This is really not an exaggeration or alarmist statement.
The famous " attachment theory " in psychology has given us a systematic causal explanation and disciplinary response from experiment, practice to theory. The most direct manifestation is that American infant intensive care units organize volunteers to be gentle to children. Psychologists and pediatricians have discovered that if babies do not receive close hugs, they will suffer from diseases, stunted development, and will affect the function of the entire body over time.
Attachment theory has actually become a very important theoretical and therapeutic basis in psychological research on parent-child relationships.
So, we have to know clearly: It is easy for adults to conquer children, but it may take decades to erase children's psychological trauma.
There is only one ultimate secret to educating children: Love and role models
Just like the famous saying on the Internet, "We know a lot of truths, but we still have a bad life." Yes, the same is true when it comes to children's education. Countless educational courses and subject theories cannot really save parenting anxiety.
What Mom wants to tell parents is that there is no need to worry about . As long as you love your children deeply and as long as you live your life with a normal heart and make your children what you want them to be in the future, you will never have to worry that your children will not be able to become you. Hope looks like.
We can recall,
How did a little child learn to speak?
Where did you hear what you said today? Who does
sound like?
Did the ancient poem you read every morning suddenly come out of your child's mouth one day?
Do you like to stay in bed? Do you find that your child rolls around in bed after waking up and does not get up for a long time?
. . . .
Be yourself and strive to be what you want to be, which is the best way to educate your children!
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