The most interesting and practical psychology is cultivated every day
On the evening of August 16, 2021, , the People’s Procuratorate of Chaoyang District, Beijing, issued a notice: The suspect Wu Moufan was arrested on suspicion of rape. The Wu Yifan incident has finally settled today. How to convict I believe that the judiciary will have a fair and just verdict, and the general public will go away after eating melons and enjoying themselves.
But I think we should reflect on this matter. If a matter is not reflected, it can only be a simple event. Only after repeated tapping, can we condense into the wisdom that guides us forward.
The reasons for Wu Yifan's transformation from a top star to a prisoner are complex and diverse, and it is difficult to arbitrarily simply say that it is a certain reason. So our analysis today is not just to excuse Wu Yifan, who makes mistakes should bear the consequences. But we should learn from it. From a comprehensive analysis of the entire incident and Wu Yifan's personal experience, there are three choices that have profoundly affected Wu Yifan's life.
1. Wu Xiuqin
Wu Yifan was born in a single-parent family, and his parents divorced when Wu Yifan was 13 years old. Since then, Wu Yifan's mother, Wu Xiuqin, took her son to Canada for a better life.
This has to talk about an old-fashioned question: Will the divorce of parents affect their children?
The disintegration of the family structure will definitely have a certain impact on children, but the extent of the impact and the length of time depend on the parent's handling. Whether it is a child in a complete family or a divorced family, there will be good things about it.There will also be bad parts, the key lies in how parents guide. The status of parents determines the impact of divorce on children. And Wu Yifan obviously made a wrong demonstration, and the evil results began to be planted from here.
According to reports, Wu Yifan’s mother is an extremely controlling and extremely selfish person. Wu Yifan must obtain her consent no matter what she does. She is good at using her identity as a single mother to win the sympathy of her son and control her son’s Life.
In Wu Xiuqin's concept, the son is not an independent individual, but a part of himself. This is a mistake that many single mothers make. The imbalance in the partner is found to be supplemented by the son, forming a pathological symbiosis.
So Wu Yifan is actually a complete "mummy man", but the star's aura is so dazzling that too many people ignore this fatal point. Psychologist Freud called this phenomenon the "Oedipus complex". Men with this complex usually lack a sense of responsibility and care too much about their mother's views and feelings, and they often fail to grow through their personal growth. , Become a real man.
2. Wu Yifan himself
It is reasonable to say that unconventional control can make people feel painful, but why don't the Mabao men who are trapped in it take the initiative to get rid of the control of their mothers and move towards independence?
Psychologists Davies and Martin pointed out in the restatement of the theory of emotional safety that 's large number of marital conflicts between parents will significantly reduce children's emotional safety, which makes children tend to adopt avoidance strategies to reduce their exploration of the outside world. , Which in turn affects its cognition and development.
And Wu Yifan’s childhood life was filled with parents' quarrels, so that although the age and body grow with the years, the real inner world always stays in the infants and toddlers. Furthermore, in childhood, parents were trapped in bad marriages,There must be a lack of care and love for him, and in the face of the mother's later attachment and love, it is really difficult for a child who has never been loved to refuse.
Of course, this is not to say that children born in single-parent families or Ma Baonan have no choice at all. Everyone's life status is the result of his own choice. As human beings, the world’s supreme ruler, we cannot choose to be born or the age in which we live, but even so we can still choose to be who we want to be, even if we have to bear a huge price for it .
Formally incomplete family and mother’s strength did bring Wu Yifan's indelible pain, but in the end, it was Wu Yifan who caused these pains to rot in his body and became more stinky in the muddy water of the environment. Own. He gave up on himself, gave up the opportunity to save himself.
and his celebrity status gave him an excellent cover, which made him confidently escape the social challenges and family responsibilities he should have faced, hiding in the "turtle shell" created for him by fans and his mother. "middle. To put it bluntly, everything is on his own account.
3. Dumeizhu
Soon after Wu Yifan’s incident was fermented, many people felt that Dumeizhu was a snake-hearted snake and scorpion because of love and hatred.
But in fact, Du Meizhu is not the root cause of Wu Yifan's incident. If Wu Yifan has never done these things, no matter how much he wants to retaliate, he must have a place to start. Because Wu Yifan planted it himself, but the fruit was lit by Meizhu. Just like firecrackers, Du Meizhu is just a trigger for fire, and what really makes the firecrackers burn and crackle is the gunpowder in the firecrackers.
Of course, human beings, as a species that is always under the control of the seven emotions, do give birth to love and hatred at some point. Love is a motivation to hope that the happiness of others can be maintained or increased; hate,It is a motivation to hope that the happiness of others can be reduced or destroyed. They are all simple motives, and they are not necessarily put into action.
Researchers pointed out that under the violent impact of external emotions, people will have the characteristic of swinging between these two extreme mentalities, which is called the "psychological pendulum" effect. Because of the psychological pendulum effect, it is easy for us to hate someone we have loved deeply, especially when the other person brings us direct pain in this relationship.
Faced with this situation, the individual concerned must allow himself to "hate", but understand that hate is only temporary. After the close relationship breaks down, we sometimes need to "hate" to slowly heal our wounds. Regain strength a little bit, and finally realize that no "hate" is needed to protect oneself.
However, the Wu Yifan incident actually exceeds the scope of hatred due to love after the breakup of an ordinary intimate relationship. The two did not have true intimacy. Wu Kris's behavior was essentially a crime, not a relationship, so Du Meizhu's later exposure was not ruined if he didn't get it, and he was more inclined to defend his rights. So Wu Yifan is not all ruined by Meizhu, but it proves a truth: many acts of unrighteousness will kill himself.
also reminds parents once again, stop stubbornly thinking that your child is just a child, as long as he enters the society and starts earning a living as an adult, he should take responsibility for his actions. If he always indulges and protects, one day he will do evil that no one can protect, and then it will be too late to regret it.
No one does not love their children, but more than love, a child who does not yet have a view of right and wrong needs education.
.-The End-
Author | Tommy
Edit | Lu Yu
First Psychological Lead Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
References: Bruk, A., Scholl, SG, & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205.
WeChat public account: First Psychology
