Among all the problem behaviors of children, lying may be one of the most unacceptable behaviors. When it comes to lying, we may be connected with a person's character and morality. If your child is deceiving, you may be very angry, and feel that this child has learned to lie no matter what. So lying may also be our most famous reason to beat our children. When you hit, you might still say, "You can forgive your mother for making mistakes, but you can't forgive you if you lied." When I was a child, I only suffered two beatings, and one of them was caused by a lie. For a long time, I think lying is a problem behavior that must be dealt with seriously. Until I found out that many children continued to lie even if they were severely punished. This led me to work hard to figure out what kind of psychological mechanism behind the lie. After research, it is found that this problem is too rich and very valuable. I will divide two articles to tell you the secret behind the children's lying behavior.
Is lying really an unforgivable moral corruption? You have to interpret this behavior carefully, first of all you have to figure out when children learn to lie. As the saying goes, children can't lie. But this sentence is only half right. The truth is that a child will not lie unless he is old enough and works hard to do so.
General psychological research believes that children over 4-5 years old may learn to deceive this ability.Because deception requires technical content , what do you think is deception. To explain from the cognitive psychology, deception is trying to plant wrong ideas in the hearts of others. The original setting in children’s minds is to say what they know. Deception means that they not only have to suppress the urge to tell the truth, but they also need the correct organizational language to try to make the deception succeed. If there is not enough motivation behind this, they will not do such a thankless thing. However, later studies have found that children have the ability to deceive people 1-2 years earlier than previously estimated.
In 1998, psychologist Carlson and his colleagues did such an experiment. He found a lot of three-year-old children, played with them first, made a good relationship, and then said to the children separately: "Baby. Next, we are going to tease that uncle, okay?" That uncle was referring to another experiment By. "Look, there are two boxes on the opposite side. We hide a ball in one of the two boxes on the opposite side. After we hide it together, later if that uncle comes to ask you which box the ball is in, you have to remember Point him to the wrong box. Don't let him find the ball, you know?" After speaking, Carlson left and waited for another experimenter to come in. At this time, most of the children deceived the experimenter. This proves that the three-year-old child has the ability to lie. Not only that, 3-6 year old children, not only can they lie, but they can recognize lies, and they can even know why you lied to him.
Piaget once said, Children of this age will regard all purposeful or purposeless mistakes as lies. Many parents have this experience. If you accidentally make a wrong answer, your child will think you are lying to him. For example, the baby asks you where are my skates. If you don’t remember, just say something, behind the door. If the child does not find it behind the door, he may say, Dad, you are a lie, the shoes are not behind the door at all. This actually means that they are becoming more sensitive to deception. If they have been deceived once, or even if they just see others being deceived, they will recognize the deception next time they encounter the same scene. And be able to guess the purpose behind it. For example, this time, in order to stop the child from crying, you said that your mother would buy you toys tomorrow, but you did not buy them the next day. Next time you cry again, tell him to buy toys. Children aged 3-6 may guess the purpose of what you said, but they just want to comfort him, and it is very likely that they will not be fulfilled. How about it, don’t you think you’ve never thought that children are so smart? But there is one more question that needs to be clarified. Why do children cheat? This question is not difficult, because compared with children, we adults are actually better at lying. The great British writer David Herbert Lawrence once said that we need to lie, just like we need to wear pants. So think about the circumstances under which you are prone to lie to others?
However, adults and children may have different reasons for lying. Or let me ask another question. When did you lie when you were young? Are there two reasons, the first is to evade punishment, and the second is to get rewards. It’s easy to understand how to avoid punishment, that is, if you feel that you have made a serious mistake, you may be punished to be honest.So you may lie and say another reason to try to avoid such punishment. For example, when I was in the third grade of elementary school, one of my classmates played a video game in a treat, and it was a very tyrant's way of entertaining guests. I took ten dollars to buy game currency, which means that we can play in the game hall all night. At that time, my head became feverish, and I wasted the time to go home at night. It was already nine o'clock when I got home. My father asked me, "Where have you been and why did you come back so late." As a result, I lied and said that I went to my classmate's home to do homework together. Because I think that as long as I say that I am going to study, my family will ignore the mistake of not saying hello when I go home at night. Unexpectedly, my dad is an old man, he saw through my lie at a glance, and then he asked, "Which classmate lives where?" He actually took me to their house to investigate the situation, but he was immediately dressed and returned. At home, you can naturally guess the consequences.
It is also the reason why we lied to get rewards. For example, a little girl who wanted the teacher to praise her for picking up gold and stole the money from her mother and gave it to the teacher. Some children even went to wrong their classmates in order to get rewards. I have seen such an incident in an elementary school when a girl in the class lost her purse. The head teacher helped us investigate, and as a result, I asked a few classmates who were in the classroom during lunch break to ask them one by one. In fact, the children who were asked were under a lot of pressure. At this time, a boy ran over and pointed to a classmate who was questioned by the teacher and said, "Teacher, he stole it. I saw it." The designated boy student was so angry that he was about to cry and he tried his best to deny that it was not. Stole it yourself. The teacher also found it strange that this classmate who had identified others was obviously taken home by his parents to eat. How could he see the situation in the classroom. You can also accurately determine who stole it, as if you were on the scene. Later, it was discovered that the boy simply identified a classmate in order to get a compliment from the teacher. In fact, there was no basis at all. Some researchers have investigated many children who lie because they want to get rewards.They are not such top-notch and outstanding students in the class, and they don't have many opportunities to be praised in public, and they even seem to have no sense of existence. Therefore, children who lie for this reason are generally brushing up on their sense of existence.
Based on the above reasons, we parents can think about it carefully, are we too strict with our children? Are our punishments too heavy? Or think about it, do they lack the affirmation of their parents and teachers in their hearts? If we are not outstanding in school, can our family make up for it? Why should they lie at the risk of being exposed? If you can think of this level, you will have a deeper understanding of the behavior of lying to children. Maybe when your child is cheating on you, your handling level can be improved a little bit, maybe it's not just rough punishment. But why is it just improved a little bit? What I want to tell you is that is not enough to explain lies by avoiding punishment and getting rewards. Why do children lie about trivial things? For example, you ask: "Have you brushed your teeth?" The child said: "You brushed." As a result, the toothbrush is dry. Obviously he didn't combine Transformers, but he often ran to his classmates to brag about how many sets of the latest Transformers toys he had. He obviously didn't have a pet, but he ran to the teacher and told the teacher that his dog was dead, so that everyone could feel sympathy, and sometimes even the lie was exposed and refused to admit it to the end. What is the actual cause? these questions. It means that lying is really a very complicated topic. wants to find all the behaviors and types of lying in children. And the countermeasures we can take for every kind of lying. On this topic, our next article will talk about the common types of children lying and the countermeasures of parents.
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