, my best friend Xiao Zhong found me very sad, saying that her child was hired by the teacher again, so she was reprimanded by the teacher, saying that their parents didn't care about the child at all, that's why the child was so naughty.
But my girlfriend felt very aggrieved and said that she cared so much about the child. The child has been raised in his mouth and in his hand since he was a child. How could he not care about the child? So the more I thought about it, the more I felt wronged, and finally found me to complain.
After I listened to it, I actually understood why my girlfriend was sad. Because she is very concerned about the child, she has been taking care of the child since the birth of the child. She has never left the child alone for a day. Even if she comes back late, she has to check the child's homework by herself, but in exchange for the teacher's misunderstanding, she is very sad.
But many times, the more parents care about their children, the more they raise their children, the less promising the children they teach, even the "poor students" in the teacher's mouth, why is this?
What is the "broken window effect"?
The reason why the children of girlfriends are like this is actually inseparable from the "broken window effect", because the behavior of the girlfriends is very consistent with the behavior under the broken window effect.
The broken window effect is actually a theory in criminology, which means that after something is damaged, if it is not repaired in time, then people around will get used to the damage, and even imitate the vandalism to make things worse. The damage is more serious.
Psychologists from Stanford University have done an experiment:
They parked a car in the parking lot, because the body is in good condition, so the parking has been very good.
So they launched the next experiment, smashing the window glass, and this behavior also triggered a chain reaction.Every day, the car's condition is worse than the previous day, and even at the end, there are no seats left in the car, and all of them are destroyed. This is the very famous "broken window effect".
So when my bestie, Xiao Zhong, was taking children, that was actually the case. Because she is very fond of the child, no matter what the child does, her best friend is very tolerant of the child, which makes the child's "broken window" bigger and bigger.
Although in the eyes of my girlfriends, my words and deeds are for my own children, so there is nothing wrong with it. But in the eyes of outsiders, her child may have had a very serious problem, but her best friend didn't know it.
What problems will the "broken window effect" bring?
In fact, there are many parents who are like Xiao Zhong. They do everything for the good of their children, but they don't know that they have fallen into the "broken window effect", so they have brought many problems.
①Children are prone to rely on others
Under the influence of the broken window effect, no matter what children do, their parents will help wipe their buttocks behind them, so they don't have to think about the consequences at all. This also makes them easily dependent, because no matter what they do, they will habitually hope that someone can help them.
Take the children of Xiao Zhong's family as an example. She is famous for her doting on children. Her child is now in the third grade, but he can't even tie his shoelaces, and he still needs his best friend to tie him every morning before going out.
So because of this kind of thing, the child's teacher will let Xiao Zhong go to school, because this is too outrageous, the child's shoelaces are loose at school, and the teacher actually needs the help of the teacher.
Parents can think about themselves a little to see if they have such behaviors, which make children who were very independent now have very poor self-care ability.
Because once the psychology of dependence is formed, it may be more difficult for the child to change this state of mind, and it may even be difficult to make the child as independent as before.
2. Children tend to be irresponsible.
The window-breaking effect originally means that after something is destroyed, because of the effect of this effect, the breach will become larger and larger, even to the extent that things are completely destroyed.
Then children can easily become irresponsible under the influence of this effect. Because after they made a breach, their family members or friends around them did not stop it, but instead allowed the breach to continue to grow, so that they did not need to bear the consequences of their mistakes.
As the old saying goes: "A loving mother has more ruined children". It is precisely because parents spoil their children too much that the children lose the responsibilities they should have assumed, so they do not bear the responsibilities that they should bear.
This can also easily lead to a series of problems. When children need to face some setbacks or difficulties, they may appear emotionally out of control because they do not know how to bear these difficulties or setbacks.
③Children's heart is not easy to grow
We often see giant babies in our lives. When they do a lot of things, they don't use adult thinking to think about problems, but like a child.
Previously, I had read a piece of news about the "Giant Baby". The "Giant Baby" in this news was a post-80s male. In order to get married and have a new house, he forced his parents to lend him money to buy a house.
The man's parents said that his behavior was simply forcing their old couple, while the man was very indifferent to it, and even let his parents commit suicide.
Because in this man's point of view, his parents should give him this amount of money to raise him up, otherwise how can he get a wife?
Later, the man's mother, under pressure, chose to jump off the building in desperation, because she did not expect that the child she raised would become like this.
A giant baby like this is actually hidden in our lives, and it may even be ourselves.
Long Yingtai's sentence is very correct: "The so-called parent-child encounter is a process of gradually saying goodbye." In the process of close relationship, in the end, the child cannot become an independent adult at all, and can only rely on his parents, becoming a "giant baby". How does
solve the impact of the "broken window effect"?
Under the influence of the broken window effect, children will have various problems, so if parents do not solve this problem in time, this impact will accompany the children for a lifetime, so what should parents do?
● Try not to wipe the children's ass
The reason why the broken window in the "broken window effect" is getting bigger and bigger is because people are constantly imitating and actively making this broken window bigger.
Therefore, as a parent, although the child's "broken window" has become larger, it can stop the loss in time, and do not continue to make the child's broken window larger.
This also means that parents should no longer wipe their butts for their children, but let their children bear the consequences of the problem themselves. For example, some children like to lose things, but if parents always remind their children, it will be difficult for the children to remember, and even feel that since there is a reminder from the parents, they don’t need to think about these things at all.
So if you want to solve the impact of the broken window effect, you must first block the window, don't let the window grow bigger and bigger, so that you can gradually repair the broken window in this process. .
● Let children take responsibility for themselves.
actually wants to avoid being affected by the "broken window effect". The best way is to not break the window, so that there will be no follow-up problems.
This is actually to let parents supervise their children to be themselves and learn to take responsibility for themselves instead of leaving the responsibility to others.
Parenting expert Han Weijing once mentioned that parents should let their children open their wings slowly. This means that if parents want their children to grow up, they must let their children learn to spread their wings so that they can undertake various things that they should undertake.
Let’s take the example that children like to throw things around. When the “window” is broken, parents need to let their children taste the consequences before they can gradually repair the window.
In the case that the window is not broken, parents need to adjust their education methods for their children in time, for example, through clear goals and other means, to help children develop good behavior habits, so as to avoid children from various problems as much as possible.
●Parents should learn to lead by example
Many parents may not have such awareness, but many parents' behaviors will actually affect their children's words and deeds, including some parts that may cause problems.
Some parents, especially, actually have a giant baby mentality, and they expect others to do everything, and don't think about others at all. Then, under such influence, even if children know that their parents' words and deeds are wrong, they are easily affected accordingly.
Therefore, parents should give their children some positive guidance as much as possible in front of their children, so that the children can move in a more positive direction under this guidance.
For example, some parents do not like to eat vegetables themselves, but always ask their children to eat vegetables of all kinds, so this situation can easily arouse the children's disgust, and even make the children feel that the parents are not qualified to demand them.
Therefore, in this case, parents may wish to change themselves first, focus on themselves, and then ask their children after they have made efforts and changes.
Then in this process, parents can let their children pay attention to their own changes, so as to achieve the purpose of guiding their children to grow in a positive direction.
is written at the end
If the "broken window effect" is not used properly, it is very likely to bring about the above problems, so parents must pay attention to it, it is best to check their own education methods to see if there is a middle There is a "broken window" behavior.
If there is a "broken window", don't worry, as long as the broken window can be filled in time, then the child can grow up well.
But at the same time, it is best for parents to review their education methods, so as to avoid the same problem from happening again.
(The pictures in this article are all from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete)
