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text/Xiaoyao | Photo/"The End of the Road"
If I insist on being a wild child and growing freely, will you applaud me?
——Xiaoyao
In the past two years, she seems to have a estrangement from Ms. Zhao. She is a little angry that I have gone from a good girl to a wild child. I am depressed by her discomfort in my pursuit of myself.
thought about it, but finally decided to write such a letter to the small courtyard to relieve your depression of not being understood, to encourage you to find your own partner, and hope that Ms. Zhao will understand as soon as possible, if possible~
01. Lost good child
Hi, Ms. Zhao:
Now, the good daughter you once praised frequently is seriously talking to you in the form of letters.
In the blink of an eye, you have gray hair on your head and I have grown up. I still remember when I was a child, you always liked to say to me: "This little baby in our family is so likable, fast, Yaoyao, who do you like the most?"
, and I would also shout in a slight voice: "Mom~Mom~"
You will always send out sincere joy after hearing it: " Hahaha, so well-behaved, worthy of being my baby daughter. "
You like me very much, after all, it is a piece of meat that fell from your body. I like you very much, too, because you were the mother who gave birth to me.
This kind of mutual love sounds like a beauty that goes to two directions. In fact, from childhood to high school, my memories really account for a lot of good parts.
do you remember? From kindergarten to elementary school and junior high school, you take the initiative to take care of almost everything: if the teacher in the kindergarten is better, you will help me make arrangements; when you are in junior high school, you will also tell me that the boy who is a little handsome but has not had good grades, don’t get too close to him.
When I arrived in high school, you started to say to me: "Study is important. Drawing is not very useful for growing up. It is best to put away the brush and the drawing board."
Then I found that when I hold the book, you will nod with a smile; but when I sit in front of the drawing board, your brows will be furrowed.
"Mom, I draw in my spare time and it will not affect my grades." I tried to coax you who was angry.
" You have to concentrate on painting this thing. Can you rely on it to make a living in the future? " you said with a dark face.
At that time, I had no answer. I never thought that if you like to draw, you need an answer to support it, and I don’t understand why you can’t become a decent answer even if you like it?
But you are unhappy, I know.
You say, " Good boy, listen to your mother, put down your drawing first, concentrate on your studies first, and do whatever you want when you get into college. "
Well, okay, as long as you get happy again.
At that time, I didn’t know that living in other people’s requests would gradually lose myself. Once you are lost, you are like a boat shaking in the sea. Just a huge wave will be knocked over. Moreover, there will always be storms in the sea.
02. "My mother said it"
I put away my brush and the drawing board. When my hands were itchy, I forced myself to hold up the book and do the test questions. My busyness finally made me think of the fact that I like to draw again.
But whenever I raise my head from the sea of questions and look at the sycamore tree outside the classroom to breathe, all the self that comes to my mind is sitting in front of the drawing board holding the brush and smiling relaxedly.
The high school with heavy academic performance has finally passed, and I got into the good school you mentioned as I wish. When you were about to take out your brush again, you said to me: "Hot girls learn accounting well, and you can find a job after graduation. If you have a decent job, you can find a good family."
But haven't you said that when you go to college, you will do whatever I want?
I think you should be old, so I accidentally forgot.
At this time, I still think about you, as if you always say "for your own good". So, I also help you brainwash yourself.
Until one day chatted with a senior sister who also likes to draw, I praised her for being diligent and insisted on painting.
She said: "You can do it too, as long as you want to do it, anyone can do it. "
And I always use the sentence "my mother said" unconsciously - But my mother said that it is not doing her job properly. Only by learning accounting can you find a good job, and drawing is useless.
Senior sister asked: " Then why do you like to draw? ”
” Because painting makes me focus, I like the feeling of immersed in it. It was like another world, a world that only I understood. In that world, every pore of my body and mind could be opened fearlessly, allowing the air to fill my body and mind. That feeling was simply great! "I said excitedly.
" This is enough. You should find yourself. For example, in the world of painting, you may find yourself. " said the senior sister.
"But my mother said..."
The senior sister couldn't help but interrupt: "If you keep listening to 'other people', isn't it also a kind of laziness? Listening to others means you don’t have to find yourself in person. "
I fell into silence.
03. Be a wild child. After graduating from
, I entered a good company according to your plan and became an accountant. You are very satisfied with your good child.
But Ms. Zhao, you don’t know. Faced with those numbers, I often have headaches, and sometimes I feel short of breath and tightness in my chest.
Later, I got more times and couldn’t bear it. I secretly took out the drawing board and brush. So, I was in the pain of numbers and The pleasure of the brush jumps repeatedly.
I am a ruthless digital processor at work during the day. I only regain my fresh soul after I hold the brush at night.
The surface scenery you are satisfied with is the pain and bitterness that I can't bear to look at.
Finally, in the boring torture day after day, your good child collapsed.
My heart was torn out of an outlet and gushed out wildly. I said to you: "Mom, I like to draw, I still like to draw! ”
You hurriedly said, “ accounting is a good job, you can’t throw it away! Drawing is useless, listen to your mother and be good. "
But I don't want to be a good kid who loses himself anymore. I can't find myself in the digital world, and the meaning of life.
I want to be a wild child and grow freely.
In the end, I "lost" this good job. When you know it, you are so angry that you ask again and again: " Why are you so disobedient? You are no longer a good mother's child. "
Yes, it's because I was too obedient before, so I didn't live like myself.
Yes, I'm not a good boy anymore, I want to become selfish and live my own way.
" If I can't even decide who I am, then this is not my life. ”
04. Yes, but not necessary
I am very grateful for giving me a life and a happy life, but dear mother, I want to live for myself. Because only by finding myself, I think I know better how to love you and our home.
I believe you don’t want to have a dejected and spiritless child at home.
Of course, I can also say frankly that I am not sure whether painting can guarantee that I often have food to eat. but I am sure painting is definitely not useless, at least for me.
I once saw a set of conversations:
"Should we become the perfect kids that others like?"
"Yes, but it's not necessary."
So, I also want to say to my equally lost friend: people live only once, be bold and do what they want to do. Even if you are just walking on the road, you can be glad that you are walking on the road, because this means that your life is reducing regrets as much as possible.
Speaking of this, Ms. Zhao, if I insist on being a wild child and growing freely, will you applaud me?
or above, encourage them together.
Author profile:
Xiaoyao, it is precisely such a chaotic life that we must find ourselves.
Thinking after looking north: The author of this article belongs to the same category as me - rebellious when I am old. Because I was a kid, I heard too much about "what should you do" and few people asked "what should you do". When you get older and start to understand, you will try to break free. After all, no one wants to be a puppet with a thread being pulled.
If you like to draw, draw it to draw the world you want; if you like to sing, go to , sing , sing your heart; if you like to write, write it to write your beauty. Being an imperfect child may be the most perfect choice for your life.
I mean: If you want to live a happy life, don’t always “my mom said, my dad said, my aunt and aunt said, he said, she said," but listen more to your heart - I want to say!
Big brother asked: Who are you listening to? Welcome to leave a message~
edit/Beiwang
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