text | Wu Chunming
is old, really old.
When this sentence is no longer self-deprecating and kindness to outsiders, but is a self-talking from a certain day, and the heart is accompanied by Wuming's sadness and helplessness, then this is really the rhythm brought out by the old man.
At first I always thought that people grow older, but in fact, they are not. They grow old all of a sudden! It’s just that people are unwilling to face reality, avoid this topic, willingly illusion, and numb themselves into deceiving themselves. After I recovered, I realized that I had been resisting it for many years in my subconscious mind. Until today, I can no longer deceive myself. I am like dyeing my hair, covering up the white frost, but I cannot cover up the panic in my heart.
When the old rhythm suddenly there is the sound of bamboo joints, there is a turbid smell, and there is a strange symbol. I was shocked and would search again in confusion until it was confirmed. In a moment, I will be like a tire that is exhausted, and will pull out the nail that pierces the tire, throwing it far away, like losing inch of time in the past.
At some point, I felt something strange at the corner of my eyes, which was clearly the feeling of overwhelming wrinkles, and the feeling of cumshots when touching, like arid land, like the skin of an elephant, like the traces left on the beach after the waves faded... I no longer need to stand in front of a mirror to verify anything.
There is also hair that is like experiencing an autumn rain. The comb slides on it no longer has any resistance, just like the friction of rakes on the surface on barren and arid land, and the bald head has proved the ruthlessness of time. With white hair all over my head, it was still the elegant demeanor of an old man. Unfortunately, I have disappeared. As the breeze passes by, the strands of persistent black hair that cannot bear to leave will sway with the wind, like the stubborn leaves on the roadside of late autumn, flying up and down, refusing to accept the coming winter.
There are also increasingly obvious age spots on the face, the skin is no longer fine, smooth, and the sky is no longer as clean as the rainy sky. Women also apply all kinds of facial masks on their faces. At the worst, they can cut a few slices of cucumbers to cool their faces, deceiving themselves and feeling good about themselves, and then they have a dream of peace of mind. But the man could only watch his rough face full of spots, curved wrinkles, swollen bags of eyes, sparse eyelashes and a few teeth that were serrated like serrated in his mouth...
Someone said: The lines on a person's face are their own unique maps. If you change it, you may not find your way home.
I really like to say such words. I can also swim in a glass jar with the courage to ride the wind and waves. Although the things on the surface of
are changing in a scary way, if you don’t care or have strong self-confidence, you won’t have too much internal injuries. However, the increasingly obvious endocrine disorders, vision loss, and memory fragments, and the decline in hormones will definitely hurt a man's vitality, spirit and sharpness.
So, men who are older will brag and are willing to brag. Cultured quotations and classics can be used to make a serious statement, such as a qigong master who tells fortunes on the street. The uneducated person blows his face and his neck is thick, like the drinkers in a small restaurant and the chess player under the street lights. It is a method of victory for Ah Q. As the saying goes, "Nine out of ten old men can do it."
Of course, no matter whether you are cultured or not, you often make a fuss. Why? If you don’t accept it, you have to have a place to vent your feelings, but usually a gentleman doesn’t speak. Everyone knows the principle of winning and losing in the court.
Then, where did the old lady go?
They are busier and are not good at bragging, but they are not inferior to the men in their actions. In the early morning, young people could not squeeze them on the shuttle bus and in the subway. They were like a well-trained team, and they knew the importance of consistency in action. As soon as the supermarket door opened, they were like dragons passing through the sea, tigers going down the mountain, and heading straight to the discounted area. The scene was thrilling. In order to queue up to get a few eggs, you can stop at one point at a time, and you are surprised. No wonder the people who dance square dance at night are all old ladies, and their bodies are very good.
What’s even more terrifying is that there is a group of reserve forces behind the old lady - middle-aged women.In the park, scenic spot, flowers, and on the beach, you wear beautiful long skirts or cheongsams, wear bright gauze scarves, pose in various poses, take photos and videos, and then post the music and beauty to the circle. Now it’s better. Everyone can play with , Douyin, , and the whole is a small stage for self-entertainment. They are like a group of hard-working bees, humming cheerful songs, flying among the flowers...
is getting far away.
Where is me? I forget to write, lose my words, look dazed, and nagging... Symptoms rise and fall with my emotions. I call myself decadent and incompetent, but I must not lose weight in terms of face. Others say that it is absolutely impossible, and I will beat you to death and will not admit it. Have you ever seen a rooster fighting? Even if there is no hair left on the body and the neck is high, it is a common problem for males.
said in his mouth that he didn't want to go out for social events, he didn't like the excitement, and his body would not allow it. But once a drinker invites you, your excitement is beyond words. I can't put my position on the table again, and I don't know how much pounds or how many cups I have. After drinking it, I'm not myself. Each wine party is a small drama performance without rehearsal. Various roles are performed one after another, with witty comments and wonderful things. Everyone will be very happy and will instantly transform into a thinker, theorist, military strategist, and philosopher. From the situation in the Taliban to the African refugee problem, from the origin of the new coronavirus to the several elephants that ran out of Xishuangbanna , from the stock market K-line trend to the current capital market... Everyone analyzes them well and has a good foundation. From time to time, there will be supplementary, cater to voices and rebuttals, coupled with interspersed dirty jokes, laughter accompanied by clinking cups, and the sounds are heard. A few hours passed without realizing it.
When I returned home, I faced the soul-searching question from the darkness: Have you drunk too much again? Is
possible? who I am! Then he quickly climbed on the bed and continued wandering in his dream.
The next day, my mouth was dry and my head was dizzy. I poured a large glass of water hard, and then twisted my thighs and swore my swear to the light to never drink it again. But once he received the "fight" signal, he jumped out like a hamster.
has been repeated over and over again, and I am happy about it.
The vanity and unwillingness in the bones of showing off, competing, and fear of losing oneself can be seen.
In fact, when people reach this point, they must not be pretentious. No one can understand some things, and no one cares about some suffering. We must learn to bury the grievances in our hearts and leave the life-saving straw to ourselves. No one can help except to suffrage yourself.
I often envy the beauty of the four seasons. They can reincarnate over and over again, performing dramas of gorgeous life. Winter is gone, spring is coming, autumn is coming, summer is gone. Every time, you will cleanly and completely evacuate your own season, and then leave enough life gap for the next round from scratch.
I want to argue: Why is it that only spring is allowed to go back but not to let me be young again?
, no echo.
When you recall it, it seems that some things come very slowly, and you will doubt whether this really belongs to the current self. In fact, it has never left itself, but is lurking by your side, changing and expanding all the time, but you are too confident.
I also have a lot of doubts.
But one day I was like eating barbecue in a dream, and suddenly I heard the sound of meat sizzling on the fire, smelled the smell of fireworks mixed with fragrance, and refused to dissipate for a long time. When I woke up, I felt like the burnt piece of meat, without cucumber salt or spicy sauce, and I lost my muscles and tension.
What's even more terrifying is that it was not yet dawn at that time.
lying down helplessly again, listening to the clocks on the wall ticking, time just slid by minute by minute.
The hour and minute hands are like two sharp arrows that are constantly rotating, and they can fly out at any time and pierce yourself.
It’s a pity that there is no shield in your hand that can resist.
From a young baby, he has entered his twilight years without realizing it. I cannot stop the cruelty of time, nor can I stop my old age, just like the autumn tree, when the wind blows, the leaves fall, sparse and lonely.
(written in September 2016, modified in autumn 2022)
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