There is such an American movie "Mobile Murder", which tells a serial killer who specializes in picking people of similar size to his body, then forges the other party's teeth marks, hairstyles, and even fingerprints, impersonates the victim for a while, and then randomly finds t

Self-positioning

There is such an American movie "Mobile Murder", which tells a serial killer who specializes in picking people of similar size to his body, then forges the other party's teeth marks, hairstyles, and even fingerprints, impersonates the victim for a while, and then randomly finds the next place to repeat the crime.

The FBI in the film gave the criminal such a psychological analysis when investigating this case:

The big beard may be just a temporary identity

In other words, Martin is almost anyone now

like a hermit crab constantly looking for shells that can be lived in

He can only forget himself

Killing is to obtain the identity of the deceased and continue living

This is a person who dislikes himself

The reason why he hates himself is that he has a twin brother, but his mother has always liked his brother but he doesn't like him. When he was 14 years old, his brother drowned because of an accident, and his mother always thought it was his youngest son's fault, so he locked him in a secret room or a cell. From then on, the youngest son changed drastically and he finally ran away from home.

Of course, film reviews can say that he is cruel, distorted, perverted, and not worthy of sympathy. But imagine how a child who is not loved will face a disliked self if he does not become another person?

Almost all neurotics or criminal psychology can find the problems of the original family, and the most important thing is not to be loved and insecure. Because you cannot accept yourself, you will build an ideal self-image in your heart and think that you should not have in reality. A patient wrote: Because he was scolded by his mother since childhood, he was not accepted by him, so he looked down on himself, and his inferiority has been established, and self-confidence is a kind of self-deception created by compulsiveness, and he thinks he is awesome.

Because his parents deprived him of his rights as a person, he had to become a God, but when he was immersed in God's fantasy, he completely broke with his true self. At this time, he may not dare to look at the photos of his childhood, and think that the child is stupid, ugly, and stupid; he does not want to recall his past, and feels that his past is full of dark history and humiliation, and he will not mention it to others, and will even delete his past friends. On the one hand, he is worried that others will look down on him, and on the other hand, he does not want to recall those pasts that cannot be looked back on. Once something is not done well, he will call himself an incompetent waste, and others will also feel that he is not worthy of himself. Sometimes, he will think that it is not that he cannot accept himself, that others cannot accept him, that everyone around him hates him, looks down on him, and even thinks that others coughing is targeting him.

If you do not break the ideal self-fantasy, then all self-acceptance is self-deception.

Who am I? Is it the person who thinks he is great, or the tiny human in reality; a saint with a good character, or an ordinary person who still has the dark side of various human nature; a perfect god, a mortal with various shortcomings and deficiencies; a fearless strong man or a timid person; can you control everything, or can you be controlled by fate in the end?

And the answer to all this concerns a person's life direction, a person's most fundamental life pursuit, and also his relationship with himself, with others and the world. After all, when we clearly know where our abilities are, value is, and boundaries are, then we will not be arrogant or underestimate ourselves; we will not determine our own value because of other people's evaluations, nor will we bind our human nature for the sake of saintly morality. At this time, we can face reality and accept ourselves.

When a person cannot view himself correctly, beautify himself infinitely, put himself at a height that he is not, and use this to measure his own value, and then belittle others, then he will inevitably have various conflicts in his heart. But people who don’t understand the truth still insist that they are not wrong, but the unsatisfactory life and uncontrollable reality are just this unsatisfactory life.

The symptoms of neurosis may vary, but the fundamental reason is that he cannot put himself in the right position, cannot view himself correctly, and dare not be himself. As long as you live in a world of self-admiration, you cannot truly see yourself. There is no bridge between dreams and reality. Usually their differences are too large to allow for any compromise. And as long as you cannot treat yourself truthfully and live in the imaginary great "self-centeredness", we no longer care about our own truth.

treatment is to regain self, but which self is regained? Is it his imagined perfect self, or the self as an ordinary person? If this problem is not clear, then the road to treatment will inevitably go in the opposite direction.

But for the patient, this self he created, even the real one, is more real, and he cannot believe that all this is false. In fact, we may understand the food processing, such as financial fraud , and other methods of using fake and real methods, but we know very little about how to create a false self. Let’s analyze how this false self is created.

1, Imagination

Generally speaking, "Who am I" comes from the feedback of reality, but for "the despised child", he cannot rely on his real self to survive, so he can only create a self in his imagination, which can help him cope with an environment that is unable to cope with. Just like a little match girl, she created fantasy scenes and characters for herself.

Imagination is the beginning of all this. At this time, he just watched a movie or a book, and he could fantasize himself as the protagonist. This fantasy gave him a sense of power and control that he did not have in reality, so he prefers to immerse himself in fantasy rather than live in reality. But the result is that he will slowly blur the distance between reality and fantasy.

Although he is not completely out of reality, his strong desire for security and value in his subconscious mind makes him ignore the test and feedback of objective reality, and mistakenly regards this fantasy self as an objective existence. From then on, everything became different. The energy originally used to realize oneself was used to maintain this false self. His energy was greatly wasted, and his life was also removed from reality and became virtual.

2. Successful experience

The creation of false self is not without any realistic basis. Neurotic patients still have contact with reality, and their self-evaluation still has some realistic basis. For example, when he was in elementary school, he was the class leader, the team leader, the first place, a good student, other people's children, entrepreneurs, successful people, good image, moral saints, good interpersonal relationships, and good reputation.

But all this does not come from reality. After all, life is a narrative, and you can selectively see or ignore what you can see or ignore. A patient reminded me during the consultation: Have you noticed that I always talked about my experience of success and victory, but in fact I have also been beaten by others, but I didn’t tell you.

And, success in one aspect does not mean that all aspects are better than others, but neurotic patients are prone to amplifying the entire surface because of one point. He will think that he is outstanding because of his highlights in some aspects such as studying, making money, basketball, interpersonal relationships, singing, and appearance. Moreover, the good times of a certain period do not mean that this person will always be better than others. After all, this is just a product of a certain period of time. For example, you can be one of the best students in elementary and junior high schools, but you may not be able to maintain excellence when you are in high school or university. But he cannot adjust his positioning as his situation changes. He often freezes his own good situation, believing that he is the real self at that time, and thinking that his subsequent failure is due to symptoms or because he has not worked hard. He just doesn't want to admit that in fact he is not as outstanding as he thinks.

Sometimes, his comparisons also lack fairness. For example, he often thinks that he is the best dancer in singing, and the best dancer in dancing; the best basketball in learning, and the best basketball in learning.For example, a patient believes that a person who makes more money than him is not as educated as a person who makes more money than him, so he is the most powerful. But this comparison has no meaning. He just raised himself to an unparalleled height through this self-deception trick.

All of this is very subjective, so a female patient told me that she figured out one thing. Although she is the best in this unit and in this department, to be fair, this is nothing great. After all, she is only in a municipal unit, but what if it is a provincial level, what if it is a national level? In fact, she might not be able to rank in the rankings, and only then did she realize that she was not as good as she thought.

So, the patient is actually either living in the past or in the future, not in the present. He is just living in a certain period and regards the excellence of that time as his extraordinary reason. But if this is true, can we also be content with the glory of Tang Dynasty ? Obviously this makes no sense. Even though he lives in the present, he has also amplified his achievements and has not realized that everyone has their own strengths. This can only show excellence in a certain aspect, but it does not mean that the whole person is outstanding.

3, A Q spirit

"A Q spirit" is a spirit of self-comfort. In short, it is to use spiritual victory method to comfort yourself.

When a person is on the "right road" and cannot maintain his fantasy self, he will take the "small road". For example, if he cannot achieve the excellence he expects, he may base his value support on playing games; if he cannot get recognition from others through mainstream methods, he may become a school bully and make him appear powerful through fighting; if he cannot surpass others in achievements, he will try to win through appearance or figure; if he cannot get the life he wants through himself, he may rely on a capable opposite sex to relieve his inferiority; if a person cannot gain the attention of others through talent, he may choose to attract attention.

If there is not even these, then he will rely entirely on the spiritual victory method. For example, a high school student is the first to run down the stairs every day. If he is the fastest, he will be content and think that he is the best person in school sports. He also practices standing up and jumping on the table after school. If he succeeds, he feels better than his classmates because no one can jump over. I reminded him that maybe no one cares about this at all, except himself; and the other boy is a junior college student, but he thinks that his girlfriend is not as educated as an undergraduate. When asked how he judged that he is more educated than his girlfriend, he talked about because he has watched Douban top 250 movies and many world famous works. I smiled and said: If this means that a person is educated, then what university can he get into?

When a person deliberately deceives himself and distorts reality, then he can be self-conceited for any insignificant reason and can be self-proclaimed for virtues that he does not even possess. In short, when a person tries to gild his face, even if it is covered with loess, he feels that he is the most beautiful person in the world. All this is very similar to the plot of "The True Story of Ah Q". Ah Q lives at the bottom of society and can bully him, but he doesn't care. He often seems to be very proud because he has a unique spiritual victory method and is clearly beaten, but he thinks: This is my son beating me.

A person's ability and status must be obtained through interaction with reality, but for neurotic patients, he gains everything through the spiritual victory method, and in the end he turns his life into a joke and turns himself into a clown.

4, imitation and performance

We all know that the actors in the movie are just performing, and that is not the real him. But for neurotics, he always forgets this. He regards the image he performs as himself, and therefore claims to himself and despise others.

He will imitate those successful people, those who are popular, and also imitate those with noble character, and shape himself into a good student, a good employee, a good lover, a good friend, a good child, and a good person. He will show a spirit of being friendly to others, filial to parents, full of love for small animals, full of love and responsibility for his career, and will also show tolerance, generosity, selfishness, and compassion for the world. Although all this is performed, not from the heart, he regards it as his real self.

But this will have many consequences. The first is two-sidedness. He will be kind and kind outside, but he will be sarcastic to his family; he is well-behaved and obedient on the outside, but he is despicable and despicable in his heart; on the surface, he may like everyone, but he does not have love in his heart. Second, contradiction. Although he can show magnanimity, tolerance, and consider others, he suppressed a lot of anger and dissatisfaction in his heart. After all, he just performed well, but it does not mean that he really doesn't care and has no emotions in his heart. After all, the performance of

is not the same as the real thing. For the true self, because it is an expression of human nature, he can make the choices and judgments he thinks are right based on his mood and needs at that time. He is an organic whole. But for those who imitate and perform, he only does something for a certain character needs, and this does not come from inner emotions, but is just a performance, so it will inevitably conflict with his human nature.

5. Deviation in life pursuit

What is the purpose of people living? Is it to do what they like to do, love the person they love, or to prove that they are stronger than others, maintain vanity and superiority?

For people who dare not face their true self, they are prone to pursue something very empty, and they end up losing the truly important part of their lives. In order to be favored by others, he may buy some expensive but unrealistic things, such as famous brand mobile phones, bags, and cars; he may try to maintain the taste and character of life, spend a lot of money, but he does not save much; he may try to find more beautiful opposite sex who can give him vanity, but miss the person who is really suitable for him; he may make friends with status and status, but he does not have a few true friends; he may spend a lot of time on beauty, fitness, and certification, so that he will look more perfect, but in fact he does not like these things; he may regard money and status as too important, and ignore what he really loves in his heart.

A patient always travels around the world, but must first class, high-end hotels, and then like to see others' likes to him in the circle of friends. Although he had a high income, he did not save money or consider it in the future. All the money was used to compare and show off with others, and time was also used to integrate into those more advanced groups. He used these glossy things to cover his whole body, and he really thought he was a top-notch person.

Just like the documentary "African Gentleman", Congo has a strange organization "Association of Fashion and Elegant People", and people like them call themselves Sap. In the film, a man in an elegantly cut suit, wearing grey alligator leather shoes, walks on dusty streets, and walks on the dilapidated streets every day, forming a beautiful landscape in Congo. The brightly colored suits form a sharp contrast with the surrounding gray and simple houses. You think he is a rich man, but in fact his monthly salary is no more than RMB 800.

Congo is rich in oil resources, but water resources are scarce and food is short of. More than half of them belong to poverty-stricken areas. People can only regard leaves as bread, which are covered by diseases and wars all year round. But Sapp is an exception, each of them has fashionable and expensive clothes, paired with a bowler hat, palms, bows, and like gentlemen from the West.

Whenever Mark in the film walks into a narrow and chaotic street in a stylish and gorgeous suit, it is like a personal fashion show, people cheer excitedly, surrounding him and shaking hands with him, as if he is an international superstar.Mark also enjoyed this feeling. He shook hands with everyone skillfully and gracefully, like a noble gentleman. When he returned home, all the halos did not exist. Dozens of people were crowded in the narrow and chaotic yard. His wife was a clothes vendor, and his income was not high. They still had two children to take care of. Mark walked into the room, the walls were mottled, and the house was barely covered. He carefully took out a pair of leather shoes from the ragged bed foot. This was the French luxury brand Weston. One pair cost more than 10,000 yuan. Mark saved up for two years to own it. In the impoverished Congo, the money is enough to buy a piece of land for their family to live a well-off life. In Mark's eyes, changing family background is far less than Sap's dignity and dignity.

Just imagine, maintaining vanity is not just gorgeous clothing. When some people are persistent in success and excellence, persist in good work and making a lot of money, and persist in growth and progress, isn’t this an evolutionary version of Saab?

6. Compulsive effort

We always say that we should have a normal mind, but for neurotic patients, they just lack a normal mind, and there is only obsession in their eyes. So he was too hard to do anything, but the more he did, not only did he not do the things well, but in the end he messed up the things.

Why does he work so hard and overly serious? The reason here is that he is not doing things at all, and everything he does is just maintaining his conceit. Of course some people will think that this is a kind of progress and growth, but it is actually just driven by fear, who is afraid that this false self-image will be destroyed.

But in turn, this characterization strengthens his self-compulsiveness - because he is an outstanding person, he must perform better than others in all aspects; because he is a person with good moral character, he does not allow himself to have any bad habits; because he is a popular person, he must have a good relationship with everyone. The two are actually complementary. When the character should be maintained, the character should be strengthened in turn, and it will be repeatedly strengthened in each other. But a person's energy and time are limited, and this cannot expand without limit. Sooner or later, it will collapse one day.

So, others can be lazy and relax, but they can't. For him, work and study are exhausting and fearful, and it is difficult for him to find fun in it. Therefore, procrastination and escape have become an inevitable result.

7. Escape and dependence

Because he is afraid of the shattered fantasy, he will unconsciously live in full defense. He is afraid of things that can expose his conceit, such as failure and being denied. Therefore, he lives in the "comfort zone" - he will escape the unknown and feel safe in a familiar environment; he does not dare to take on the responsibility of life, because if he does not work hard, he will not lose, let alone fail; if he does not devote himself to life seriously, he can find a reason for his failure; if he does not open his eyes to look at himself and the world, he can continue to dream.

Therefore, the phenomenon that neurotic patients often see is taking a break, transferring, resigning, divorce, breaking up with friends, staying at home, not taking on the life they should face at this age. Sometimes, he obviously likes someone but dares not pursue him; he clearly wants to take the postgraduate entrance examination, but suddenly gives up; he clearly wants to find a better job, but he dares not fight for it.

A patient wrote this: I will do my best to escape anything that may break the fantasy in my mind. Spending a few hours to complete what others can do in one or two hours makes me feel frustrated and angry. I am so powerful in my mind, why is it so ordinary in reality? The events that need to be played against me made me feel scared and unconfident, and I dare not participate in piano competitions. I am always afraid of making mistakes, making a fool of myself, and I am afraid that the judges will ridicule me. I am always afraid and feel unconfident. When I was a child, I was always very twisted and longed to be friends with my classmates. I also felt proudly in my mind that they were too naive and unworthy of getting along with the noble me. I imitated the appearance of a mature adult, helping teachers and classmates to solve their worries like a little adult. At this time, my vanity was satisfied and I was accepted.When a relationship breaks down, I feel hurt and fearful, and the feeling of being abandoned makes me make up for the relationship, repeating it over and finally breaking up completely. Is there something wrong with my own way of growing up, or is it that I don’t want to be “good” at all, and would rather live in a dream than take on more real pain? Perhaps living in a dream is not a mistake, but the mistake is that I already realize that this is just a bubble but is still maintaining it?

In fact, as long as a person deliberately deceives himself, he can find hundreds of ways to deceive himself. As long as a person refuses to face himself honestly, he will find a way to hypnotize himself. Even if reality is in front of him, he can turn a blind eye. Even if all these loopholes are everywhere, he can pretend to be confused. For example, a girl does not answer the teacher's questions because she is afraid of answering the wrong answer; she does not make friends because she appreciates very few people; she does not answer the phone because she will be nervous; she is only interested in physics, objective, and without thought, but has no interest in real people. Of course, it’s not that there is no interest, but that people will hurt her pride and break her fantasy. When she shows off her achievements and success, I remind her what to do if someone is better and more beautiful than you? She said: Don’t listen, don’t watch, don’t accept. She always believed that she was the best and best.

As the treatment gradually deepens, some patients will realize that they seem to be living in a false self and fantasy life. They begin to doubt what they thought they were. They begin to try to figure out who they are and try to reposition themselves.

A female patient wrote: I was a little confused. I seemed to have slowly discovered my position. In the past, I thought I was in the same class as those excellent classmates, but now I gradually realized that I could not catch up. Whether it was in the unit or my boyfriend, others were one class higher than me - the boys who chased them were 7 or 8 points, while boys with only 3 points were interested in me.

I began to doubt my position. With more facts, I had to doubt and even admit that I was not the 8 points I used to be. The 8 points classmate is still 8, but I am 5. Now I not only have to admit my badness, but I also have to accept that people like me are superior to me. I began to doubt and be confused. What about the best in the past? Even if it is not high, it should at least belong to the class that is looked up to. Am I really one level lower than them now? Maybe it is.

I know 5 points are not enough to make me choose death because I know I am just an ordinary person, then 1-10 points are normal for me, and my range is not only 8-10 points. I should admit that I can't do the 8 or 9 points in the eyes of my parents, and I disappointed them. They have a requirement of 9 points for me, but in fact I only have 5 or 6 points, because I am not good or excellent enough, because I cannot match their hopes and requirements for me 9. The most terrifying thing is that I actually think that my parents’ high requirements are objectively wrong. My dad just hopes that I am excellent. What’s wrong with his requirements? I think it's because I'm not good enough that I can't match their expectations of 9 points, because there are indeed people who have 9 points. Objectively, I'm still not good enough. I feel uncomfortable writing this with

. Although I feel that "I'm not good enough" has some problems, objectively 5 is greater than 3, but 5 is also less than 9, so I'm not good enough, objectively ok.

Although doubts about self-worth are an important part of treatment, this part will make a person more inferior and fearful. At this time, he would also be resistant to treatment and analysis, and treatment was also caught in a bottleneck. Although he knew he should wake up from his dream, he could not face the huge conflict that came about.

As analyzes downward layer by layer, we finally find the core problem - he dare not be himself and dare not face the real world. The scars and negative energy of the original family gathered together to form a black energy body, which made him unable to look directly or even get close to him. When he glimpses his true self, it is like a train coming or a big wave hitting him. He can only be honest, disguised and pleased, and can only live in conceited fantasy, otherwise his whole soul will be destroyed.After breaking this false self, he couldn't survive. A feeling of being swallowed alive came to his face

A patient wrote: Going forward, it seemed to have entered the danger zone and entered the war zone. My, no matter you call it a demon, a character, a devil, or something, it will face the possibility of being sacrificed at any time and being beaten to death... I don't want it to die, I lost my mind, I want to save it desperately, because retreating is an endless abyss. Why are you afraid of it dying? Because it is all my, my value, my life, my happiness, and everything I have, all given to it. Why can't it die? If you ask me now, I will say that it shoulders the love and value of my parents for me, and is the whole of my life.

Maybe, the closer you get to the truth, the more painful it is, but how can you see the truth clearly without pain? Patients often hope that therapist can be gentler, but this is unrealistic. After all, growth means pain, and without pain, there will be no growth. While fantasy gave him false security, it actually hindered his growth. He was still stuck in his childhood. He did not mature because of the passage of time, and did not realize that being yourself is the real redemption.

treatment is easy to enter an infinite loop state when it reaches this stage. It will keep going around and dare not touch the core issues. He would rather immerse himself in his obsession with the solution to his symptoms than face the fear deep in his heart - be himself.

There is such an American movie called "Never End", which tells about a useless person and his girlfriend left him. When he walks on the streets, others are far away from him. He is like a homeless man. One day he got a medicine. After taking it, he developed brain 6 to 100%, and he directly cheated and reached the peak of his life. However, this drug can only last for a few days. But taking this medicine will cause serious irreversible damage to the body and brain, and eventually die. He knew it was the result, but he did not dare to stop the medicine because he was afraid of returning to the waste materials before and losing everything he had now.

On the one hand, there is hope for salvation, and on the other hand, there is endless abyss. When the treatment is carried out, it enters the deep water and dangerous area. The patient is in reality and the other is in fantasy. He can realize all this rationally, but physically resist it instinctively. So on the core issue of "Who am I?", neurotic patients are always awake and confused. Although he knew rationally that what I said was right and the direction was right, because his true self was too weak and he did not think that he could be accepted by society, so he would rather continue dreaming and live in a false self. After all, he could still survive. Although he knew that this was also a chronic suicide, if the false self was broken, the result of him being declared the death penalty and executed immediately.

A patient wrote:

You dug out all my dark history;

What I escaped was my childhood;

The false self covers my inferior self;

You are too bad, digging me too deeply;

You are a bad person, I drink again;

Once again turned into dumpling filling;

Zhang Ailing said: Life is a gorgeous robe, but it is covered with fleas;

You are the first to see me covered with lice, maybe most people have seen it, but they didn't tell me like this

I used the once illusionate me to cover lice

ridiculous and sad.

"The World of Truman" describes a world of almost harmonious and peaceful - Taoyuan. In this world, Truman will not be persecuted by criminals, will not experience huge setbacks in life, and will not feel troubled by the suffering of life. So we translate this world called The best place as Taoyuan. How perfect it is all, maybe there are many people who will be immersed in it and enjoy everything they want.But Truman was not like this. In the end, he suddenly realized, resolutely gave up everything perfectly, and walked out of the door to find his own life! Because he knew that only outside that door was the world that truly belonged to him. No matter how dangerous it was, he wanted to return to reality and find his true self.

Producer Christoph said: "If he has ambition, he can leave at any time; if he is determined to find out the truth, no one can stop him." When life becomes a play, when all truth becomes a deception, and when he finds that all his life is a performance, then only by pursuing the real life without hesitation can all lies have a perfect curtain call.