I don’t use TikTok very much on my phone. I even uninstalled it for a long time because my phone’s memory is small. I was watching Toutiao a few days ago and came across a video with the theme of an adult’s collapse in one moment. In the video, a man was sorting out a supermarket shelf and accidentally fell it. Then he collapsed and destroyed the entire shelf. Knocked over. I was almost like this today. After quarreling with someone, I held my head with my hands and blamed myself, looking like a child. Think about how you can lose control of your emotions so easily. Even if you feel there is something wrong, you should not magnify it or show it out. Many times it seems that you understand the truth, but you can't, and you lose control of your emotions in an instant. Sometimes I just want to immerse myself in doing things, and I also want to do well, because this is my personality. No matter how much you do, it would be better to do nothing if you offend others. In fact, who doesn’t want to talk nicely, hello, hello, hello, hello to everyone.
Sometimes I feel a lot of pressure. When my father was hospitalized for treatment due to cerebral hemorrhage, he just thought about being healthy. It has been almost half a year since my father was discharged from the hospital. Due to the injury to his brain, although the movement of his limbs was not restricted, his intelligence was impaired, his logical thinking was almost gone, and his personality became eccentric and irritable. The first thing I do when I get up every morning is to give my father medicine, monitor his blood pressure, and inject insulin at night. When I was working at school during the day, what I was most afraid of was my mother calling me, fearing that something would happen at home (my father was not very good with his brain). A few days ago, my mother kept complaining that her feet hurt and it was difficult to walk. She took her to the hospital over the weekend. Fortunately, it was just tenosynovitis on the sole of the foot, but a series of tests showed that it was already three highs, especially the blood pressure, even after taking medicine. It's still high, and blood sugar and uric acid, which were not high before, are also high. Thinking about it, it's hard for my mother. She has to pick up and drop off her granddaughter during the day, cook meals, and most importantly, she has to take care of my dad. Therefore, I took over taking care of my father after get off work, and I had to let my mother relax. I feel like I have a mixed experience, at least ten years earlier than my peers. Just like the gray hair on my temples, I am now afraid to look in the mirror because there are too many white hairs . My wife’s job is to treat illnesses and save people, and the workload should be far more difficult than mine, so she often has to take care of the children and pick up and drop off training classes by herself.
When I calm down, sometimes I still can’t help but think, is this the teacher growth goal I set when I graduated? Class teacher, mathematics teaching, physical education teaching, standing on the playground in the sun during the two afternoon classes, and then going to the class to handle things and do things. It seems that I really don’t want to talk anymore because I am really tired, but I am still a person. The main subject teacher has to correct the homework; the head teacher has to deal with all the big and small things in the class. But it seems that these are difficult to change, and may not be understood by others, let alone talk to my wife and mother. All I can say to myself is, tell yourself, this is life.
In fact, I understand that at the age of 35, if I miss some things, I miss it. It doesn't mean that I don't work hard, or because of opportunities, or because I just don't have the ability. I remember a saying, keep a little bit of your own pursuit while drifting with the crowd, so I still calmed down and wrote the paper I was going to participate in the essay competition these days, although I feel that the quality may not be as high as before.
