Qianjiang Evening News·Hours News Reporter Jin Dandan
Huang Xi has not spoken to her mother-in-law for two consecutive weeks.
She never expected that after having Xiaobao, the originally stable and intimate relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law fell to freezing point.
In September this year, my mother-in-law came to Hangzhou to take care of two children.
Huang Xi’s five-year-old son often goes to "provoke" his fifth-grade daughter. My sister was doing homework, so my younger brother went up to take a look and had to flirt with this and that.
A few days ago, my sister was using ultra-light clay to make a globe, and the semi-finished product was hung on the desk. After going to the toilet for a while, my younger brother sneaked in and stretched out his hand to flatten the globe.
The sister screamed in anger, snatched the globe, and the younger brother went to grab it again... The two of them fought together in the end. Huang Xi recalled the scene that was "unbearable to look back" and shook his head off.
"Suddenly, grandma appeared and began to comfort her younger brother, criticize her, saying that her sister is in the fifth grade, so big, and she is so ignorant and don't know how to give in to her younger brother."
Huang Xi couldn't stand it and couldn't help but tell her mother-in-law to tell her not to care about the two children.
"I didn't expect that my tone was not controlled well. When I was talking heavily, my mother-in-law suddenly exploded and said that she was very tired to help take care of the baby. I also said that she was very wronged and said that I was going back to my hometown. I explained a few words and I couldn't criticize the big ones indiscriminately, letting the big ones make the small ones. I didn't expect that the 'the more I described it, the darker it became', and I couldn't communicate..." How to deal with the relationship between the big ones and the second ones is an eternal topic.
Erbao's mother Ms. Xu has also had a headache recently.
Ms. Xu's family has two sons, the eldest is the second year of junior high school and the younger is the first grade. "I'm just in the first grade, and I can't do it. Grandpa helps me."
As soon as my grandfather came, Ms. Xu immediately discovered the problem. When Dabao was young, Grandpa spoiled Dabao to the sky, and now, she has changed to Xiaobao.
"Maybe I think Dabao is big and cannot maintain close relationships with simple materials, so I try my best to satisfy Xiaobao and buy toys and snacks." Ms. Xu said that she obviously felt Dabao's loss. Although she is already the second year of the lunar year, she still longs for attention in her heart. Dabao has also been emotionally sensitive recently.
A few days ago, after dinner, Xiaobao helped clean up the dishes, and my grandfather subconsciously said that Xiaobao is capable and is so sensible at such a young age, and his brother doesn’t do any housework. "Dabao is right next to him and didn't say anything, but he immediately entered the room and closed the door heavily." Ms. Xu said that she was trying hard to be a "peacemaker" now, wanting to care more and pay attention to Dabao to strive for a balance. How to deal with the relationship between the second treasure? Balance the emotional investment of big and small babies?
Excellent teacher in Hangzhou, district-famous class teacher, Hangzhou Pujia Primary School teacher Yu Jingjing from Hangzhou Pujia Primary School said that he has heard many warm and happy stories about big and small treasures over the years, and has also encountered emotional problems among some children from second-child families.
"Brothers and sisters have a competitive mentality, and they are afraid that their parents' love for themselves will be divided or even lost. Especially for Dabao, they originally occupied an 'advantage' and enjoyed 100% attention from their parents, but the birth of the second child objectively changed this pattern. If there is no good guidance and the boss who is used to 'self-centered' will face younger brothers and sisters, there will be a series of psychological changes. If it is handled improperly, a series of problems will arise." Teacher Yu said that the arrival of the second child may cause an "emotional blow" to the first child. If parents give the older child a natural, calm, safe and supportive protection, the child will generally safely overcome the anxiety and rejection caused by "competition". As he grows older, this "hostility" will decrease, and it will be replaced by the emotions between compatriots. "The most important thing is that parents should properly balance the love and attention of their two children."
Teacher Yu gave some suggestions -
Don't let older children be humble unconditionally and assume the "obligation" of taking care of Xiaobao.
Whether you plan to have a second baby or not, when the first child is born, you must let the child learn to share. Sharing will not make you lose anything, but you will get happiness.Children who know how to share will not feel that their love has been "taken away" after having younger brothers and sisters. Their love has not decreased, but rather share their parents' love with younger brothers and sisters.
Parents should not blame one of the children.
has two treasures, and many times parents will use comparative methods to educate them. Parents should never publicly criticize one party’s shortcomings. A better way is to praise one child’s strengths to motivate another child. Never say, "I like whoever you are good." Children will feel that love is conditional, lack a sense of security, and dare not express their true thoughts and needs. You can say more to the children: "You are all my favorites."
"If you are your brother (sister), you must be sensible and give in to your younger brother (sister)." Such statements will make older children feel that their rights and needs are deprived of, and that they are not loved, while younger children are prone to making trouble unreasonable things. Don’t just ask older children to be humble. Even if it is reasonable, tell the child why .
When dealing with the relationship between two children, in addition to parents, the attitudes of people around towards children are also very important .
For example, when visiting a friend’s newly born baby, remember to bring a gift to the baby, and when praising the baby, don’t forget to praise the baby. If relatives and friends joke with Dabao: "Your mother has a younger brother (sister), she won't love you anymore." "My parents' property will be divided into half of it in the future." Don't think that this is just a joke. The child will think it is true and will be full of anxiety and hostility towards the arrival of his younger brother and sister. If any relatives and friends are joking like this, please stop them seriously.
In Teacher Yu's opinion, having brothers and sisters at home will allow children to gradually learn to think from their perspectives in the process of learning and imitation, learn to be humble and help each other, which is a great help to children's physical and mental growth; for the family, it is also a double happiness and double love.
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