Wen|Wener
"Why are you so stupid! Do two more sets of application questions, otherwise don't sleep!"
As soon as I got off work, I heard the scolding from next door. It was nothing more than that the child's test scores were not ideal. The parents were anxious and activated the question sea tactic again. As a neighbor, I have long been used to the situation in her family. I was angry and scolded them almost according to the three meals a day. In my neighbor Ms. Wu, there is no excellent place for the child.
is strange. When I first moved in, the child was not that stupid, and his grades were ranked in the upper level of the class. However, recently chatting with Ms. Wu, I found that the child's grades had begun to count down. "I have been working hard for two years, but this is the result. It can be seen that the child is as stupid as a pig." Ms. Wu spoke mercilessly and blamed everything on the child's insufficient IQ, which made me speechless.
In fact, I have always suspected that the child was scolded by Ms. Wu, otherwise the child's eyes would not become more dull. When I told my university teacher about this, the other party affirmed my statement and gave a professional explanation: There is a kind of stupid name called learned helplessness. No matter how smart a child encounters learned helplessness, he will be destined to achieve nothing in the future.
▲The concept of learned helplessness
I don’t know if you remember the elephant used to perform in Thailand. Even though an elephant with great strength is tied up by a thin hemp rope at her feet. The wooden stakes that were tied to the elephant looked so casual, but the elephant could not break free. The principle applied here is learnt helplessness.
This theory was proposed by the famous American psychologist Sely German. Based on the case, we can guess that the essence of the concept of learned helplessness is a negative education for children, which is a common crackdown education in China.
Take my neighbor Ms. Wu as an example. She often scolds her children. No matter whether the other party makes changes or not, Ms. Wu will not praise the other party. At least as a neighbor, I have never heard a compliment for my child from her. This kind of attack education will seriously damage children's self-esteem and confidence, and may even tend to give up on themselves. This kind of thinking inertia is learned helplessness.
▲The manifestations of learned helpless children
① "I definitely can't do it"
Most children who have learned helpless thinking patterns grow up in a harsh family environment of parents. For this type of child, being scolded and suppressed is common, which has led to the child having developed the "I can't do it".
Whether it is studying or working when you grow up, learnt helplessness will cause children to fall into fixed thinking in public. Just like an elephant tied to a small tree stump in Thailand, she clearly has infinite energy in her body, but she stagnates because of the learned helpless thinking cast in childhood, and she lives a mess all her life.
"I definitely can't do it" and "This is not something I can accomplish" have become the catchphrase of the children. Under the crackdown education of parents, the children found that no success could bring benefits to themselves, so they simply gave up their efforts. This is the case with my neighbor Ms. Wu’s son, and the more he scolds, the less he is.
② Negative attitude towards life
Take Ms. Wu as an example. It has been two years since she moved here. Every time I see her child in the elevator, my face is always frowning and there is no smile. I occasionally say hello to me, but I am expressionless and have a negative attitude towards people and things.
This situation is caused by the family atmosphere.
Psychologists say that no one likes to be scolded all day long, and this is especially true for children. If you live in a repressed family, parents are equivalent to the existence of negative stimulus for your children. Long-term negative evaluations will cause children to fall into a state of self-cognition error, and negative trends will arise, which is the so-called learned helplessness.
▲How can parents solve the problem when faced with learned helplessness?
① Learn to control emotions
To be honest, capable parents will not blame their children all day long, and incompetent parents can suppress all the family’s expectations on their children. Instead of suppressing your children every day, it is better to reflect on your life.Instead of expecting your child to make a fortune in the future, it is better to see if there are other possibilities in the first half of your life and strive to make your child become a rich second generation.
If none of the above can be done, at least parents should learn to control their personal emotions. Take my neighbor Ms. Wu as an example. No matter how good the child is, it is difficult to raise it, just because as a mother, she is full of hostility and has no patience with her children. Before she can't learn to control her bad temper, it is difficult for her children to get beneficial ingredients from the family environment.
②Commend children
There is no useless person in the world. If the child is not born with a backbone, parents should learn to guide their children in the right direction, and the method should not be to suppress.
The era has changed. Nowadays, children have the law to protect minors, and violent reprimands are no longer in line with the mainstream of the new era. When all children have compliments, your reprimand may become the last straw that crushes the child.
Therefore, if you want your child to truly become a talent, you should encourage and praise more. Only confident children can achieve great careers.
[Topic Discussion: Do you also scold your children often? 】
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