went for an interview today————The interviewer handed me a laptop. "Here, try to sell me this." So I put the notebook under my arm, walked out of the building, and rode my Xinri home. Finally, he called me. "Send the computer back immediately!" "Give me 2,000 yuan, and it's yours."
My son has a partial eclipse, so my wife and I stipulated that he must eat vegetables. The son was dissatisfied and said: I am forced to eat dishes that I don’t like every day. When you get old, I will cook dishes that you don’t like every day. What don't you like to eat? Me: Abalone! Wife: Bird’s nest! Son: I remember it, and I will feed you these every day from now on. Son, your parents are waiting for you.
My sister-in-law was cleaning out the old clothes in the closet today and accidentally discovered my brother’s private money, which was confiscated on the spot. My brother was sitting on the sofa with a black face and was sulking. He also complained to the dad next to him: "It's all your fault! After decades of experience, the more dangerous the place, the safer it is. That's gone now!" At that moment, my mother, who was watching TV, seemed to realize something. She suddenly ran back to the room and closed the door. After a while, the sound of rummaging through boxes and cabinets came from inside...
I went to a colleague's house to play cards today. I said, "Whoever loses will take off a piece of clothing." My colleague agreed with a red face. The loser didn't even have underwear. He lied on my body and said coyly: "You are so shameless..." I said: "Oh, who the hell are you so shameless? Put on my clothes and try again..."
I know a brother who drinks a lot. very. He got divorced because of drinking, and later got married and found a beautiful sister-in-law. I don’t know what method this sister-in-law uses to make her brother submissive. She stops drinking every day and goes home after get off work. One day we drank wine and ate crayfish together, peeling the shrimp with our hands. My sister-in-law called, and my brother had no choice but to press speakerphone. I heard my sister-in-law say on the phone, you only know how to drink, and the faucet at home is broken and the water keeps flowing. You can find a stick to stop it, or I will borrow it from the house next door. When my brother heard this, he stood up and left. do not know why. Isn't it just the faucet dripping? Just change it.
"Husband! Today I have a febrile disease..." "What's wrong with you?" "I saw Lao Wang's wife on the second floor posing on the balcony. I really couldn't control my emotions and threw my shoe at her. , the shoe drew an arc in the sky and hit her big face! "Damn it! Did she see who hit her..." "No! I hid immediately... But what surprised me was, She actually came to my door and had a fight with me..." "Those must be your shoes. Someone recognized them..." "The key is that what I threw was your shoes..."
Morning Going out, wife: Where are you going? Husband: I’m going to Yihongyuan, give me some money! The wife handed her husband a card and said: Take my employee card, parking is free!
The steamed buns steamed by my dad are particularly delicious and chewy. I always praise my dad’s cooking skills with my friends. Everyone is envious. Today we were sitting at the door chatting. When dad came, I quickly asked him to tell me how to make the steamed buns. The food was so delicious, my father said proudly: "It's actually very simple, two bags of expired milk, a handful of sugar..." It was so embarrassing at the moment!
male: What are you doing? Female: 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 Male: 2, 4, 8, 16 Female: Then... together? Man: Bite? Female: Kun. Man: What should I do if it rains? Woman: It depends on your performance. Man: There is a thorn on the small spoon. Woman: Then let the storm come more violently. Man: Are you going to bite me? Woman: I will bite you to death. Xiao Ming, please explain
I was greedy, so I used my grandma’s mobile phone to secretly send a message to my mother: Girl, mom wants to eat durian, please buy one later! ! Unexpectedly, my mother forwarded this message to me again without changing a word. . .
One day, my sister came to me and asked me a question: I was fifteen years ago, how old will I be fifteen years from now? I said silently: 30? I only saw my sister running and laughing, and kept calling me a fool. I just wanted to say one thing, that's right!
Tang Monk said: Wukong! Why don't you always listen to my teacher? Wukong said: Master, I have been pressed under Wuzhi Mountain for five hundred years! Why didn't you save me four hundred years ago and let me suffer! After hearing this, Tang Monk looked up to the sky and smiled, saying: You Hericium, were you born as a teacher four hundred years ago?
has a dog at home who is extremely greedy. Ever since he tasted the taste of cherries, he has been attracted to cherries. This is the background. The sister-in-law next door bought some cherries and insisted on giving me a bag. I refused to take them. The two of them were pushing and refusing. They stretched out a furry paw from the side, holding the handle of the plastic bag, and they just touched the ground with three paws. After running away, my sister-in-law and I were left dumbfounded ~
I cleaned up the room and found a "Book of Destiny" left by my grandfather. I calculated it based on my birth time according to the book. It didn't even weigh a pound, only nine taels. Mad. . . .
I heard that there was a world food festival somewhere, so my best friend and I went there on vacation. After more than three hours, we finally found the location of the World Food Festival, which is half a basketball court behind a residential building. . . . The familiar fried shrimp balls fried potato chips fried chicken steak fried squid, grilled lamb skewers grilled chicken skewers grilled kidneys ... This is the legendary food festival. . .
The father told his son: "Go to the suit store to pick up the clothes customized by dad. If the boss asks you for money, tell him that dad won't let you go out with money because you are too young." Soon after the son left, He came back empty-handed again and told his father: "Dad, the owner of the suit shop said that I can get it when I grow up."
I was having dinner with a few friends and saw a beautiful woman sitting next to me, and she was alone, so we I encouraged the only single gay man to strike up a conversation, but this guy shyly walked over and said: Beauty, are you alone? The beauty replied: Yeah. But this guy said: You eat so much by yourself, can you finish it?
