Before leaving, Liang Sicheng was infected with tetanus on his front toe and must be treated immediately. So, along the way, Lin Huiyin had to take care of the whole family while she was sick.
The war and the traffic was inconvenient, it took Lin Huiyin and his party a full half month to arrive in Lizhuang. Liang Sicheng, who was unable to go with him, arrived in Lizhuang a week later.
Lin Huiyin thought: They stayed in Lizhuang for at most two or three years, but the truth is that they stayed in Lizhuang for five or six years. Li Zhuang is not only a very important stop in Lin Huiyin's life, but also almost became the last stop in her life.
moved to Lizhuang, which is actually like a refuge. This is a choice that Lin Huiyin, who did not want to be a slave to the country, had to make. They lived in the Zhangjia Courtyard two miles away from , Lizhuang Town.
The Zhang family courtyard is not large, but it lives in the landlord Zhang family and Lin Huiyin's small family, creating the office and staff dormitory of the school, which was also placed in the Zhang family's L-shaped courtyard. A living environment like
is lively, but Lin Huiyin feels loneliness here. Why? Because she settled here less than a month ago, Lin Huiyin's lung disease relapsed and she had to stay in bed all day.
Lin Huiyin
Lin Huiyin fell ill in Lizhuang's house. After falling ill, Lin Huiyin often had a high fever and sometimes had to change countless towels all night. Li Zhuang has no doctors or nursing staff, and the medicine is even more lacking, so she can only suffer whenever she has a fever.
, the seriously ill Lin Huiyin was waiting for the news that his younger brother Lin Heng died in battle. Lin Heng is her half-brother. They have a good relationship since childhood. After the death of her father, Lin Changmin, Lin Heng and his mother have been living with Lin Huiyin and his wife.
Lin Huiyin dragged his sick body and wailed, and took a pen to write a poem of eulogy "Crying the Third Brother Heng". At this time, Lin Huiyin truly felt the feeling of "the country was destroyed and the family was destroyed".
Lin Huiyin's younger brother Lin Heng
After this, Lin Huiyin's illness became worse and she lost weight day by day. Her eyes were deep, her cheekbones were protruding, and she coughed continuously. At this time, Liang Sicheng could hardly connect her with the beautiful and radiant "beauty under the forest" in the past.
The house is leaking and raining all night. Lizhuang is probably not going to support people. Soon after, Liang Sicheng also fell ill: the gray matter of his spinal soft tissue is getting worse and worse, and he had to make a metal-like vest to support his upper body. The illness made this weak scholar lose only about ninety pounds.
disease requires rest and money. But it was just that Liang Sicheng and Lin Huiyin, the descendants of the famous family, were at their poorest time. Because he couldn't afford new clothes, Lin Huiyin had to drag her sick body to sew clothes and socks for her husband and children that were difficult to sew under the oil lamp for a long time. Lin Huiyin like
is probably something that has never been seen in later generations. It is normal for people in the world to see it because: she has never mentioned it before. People today know all this through memories and historical records of later generations.
Because they had no money to buy shoes, Lin Huiyin's son Liang Congjie had to wear straw sandals or go to school barefoot. When he grew up, he recalled Li Zhuang's experience and couldn't help but sigh: "Those children in the farm have numb shoes on their feet, and I really envious when I saw them." The " numb shoes " that made Liang Congjie envious is the most common thing in the farm.
"Lack of clothing" is often associated with "less food". Lin Huiyin's children are often hungry. When they have food to eat, there are only brown rice , eggplant, jar beans, melons, and chili peppers on the table. Liang Congjie, who was spoiled and raised, once couldn't help but steal honey for his mother to nourish his body. His father Liang Sicheng, who was so angry, beat him up. Before that, my father had never hit him.
Liang Zaibing and Liang Congjie were in front of Lin Huiyin's sickbed
No wonder Liang Sicheng was so angry. He bought Lin Huiyin's nourishing honey, old buffalo meat, etc., which were all obtained by him selling pens and watches that he could not leave his body in daily life. These precious tonics are life-saving materials.
Every time Liang Sicheng goes to sell goods, he always says, "This dress can be 'stewed', can this be 'breasted'?" However, Lin Huiyin can no longer laugh at her husband's joke.
In such a difficult situation, God actually gave them another heavy blow: the information about Lin Huiyin and Liang Sicheng's existence in the basement of Tianjin McGalli Bank was flooded. This means that the information they obtained from surveying and mapping of ancient buildings before the war in the society was gone, and their years of hard work and labor were ruined.
This incident hit them so hard that they hugged their heads and cried in front of their children without any scruples.
Lin Huiyin and Liang Sicheng
In the six years in Lizhuang, the only thing Lin Huiyin can talk about "comfort" is that she can communicate with her American friend Fei Weimei at any time. However, in extraordinary times, her letter paper is also very special: the letter paper is thin and yellow. Fei Weimei once suspected that these letter papers were wrapped in meat or vegetables, or waste paper on the market.
Just like this, when Lin Huiyin wrote a letter, in order to save money, she always wrote it in a dense way, facing the corner of the earth, and was reluctant to part it. There was a little blank paper left on the last page, and she also wanted to cut it down and keep it for the next time to write a credit.
Fei Weimei felt the poverty of their lives, and she was very worried. Their other friends also understood their difficulties. Fu Sinian, who had not had a deep friendship with them, wrote a letter to ask for help for them. In the letter, he described their bad situation in this way:
"Brothers Liang Sicheng and Siyong were both trapped in Lizhuang. Sicheng's trouble was because his wife, Ms. Lin Huiyin, and she had been bedridden for two years... Liang Rengong The family was in a cold state, and my brother must know that they had traveled thousands of miles, to Hunan, Guizhou, Yunnan, and Sichuan, and they had eaten up all their food. When they were sick, they could not be exposed all day long."
Fu Sinian's letter was not at all exaggerated. The actual situation of Lin Huiyin and others at that time was even more miserable than he described. In the "poverty and sickness", Lin Huiyin's mentality has been on the verge of collapse. Especially, loneliness often surrounds her.
In the past, no matter where he was, Lin Huiyin was always accompanied by a group of poets and writers, and philosopher Jin Yuelin has lived with them for a long time. But since she called Li Zhuang, she lost contact with them. She wanted to talk about literature and poetry, but she couldn't find a suitable person.
Lin Huiyin took a photo with Liang Sicheng, Jin Yuelin, etc.
Lonely and lost, she couldn't help but say sadly in the letter she wrote to her friend Fei Weimei:
"Sometimes I sit there, pretending to be resting and chatting lazily, but in fact I'm secretly angry, and I can't hear a word of what others say. Whenever I have a companion, I Very enjoyable, but I will always be very tired and painful afterwards. However, if I let others know that this will be the case afterwards, I am afraid that no one will ever be willing to approach me and enter my life. "
A poem written by Lin Huiyin in Lizhuang called "One" best reflects her loneliness:
"Today it took twelve hours, each of my twelve guests is here. , left again, and finally the setting sun dragged the shadow and left! I said: Friend, I won’t tell you this time, every time I say it, hurt me a little bit of pride. The dusk is dark, I walk away speechlessly, lonely, silently, I throw myself into the arms of the night! "
Lin Huiyin's mentality is getting worse and worse, she begins to feel depressed. This depressive feeling is concentrated in the poem "Melancholy" she wrote:
"Melancholy Of course, it is not your friend; but it is not your enemy, you cannot be wronged to him! He is your tough creditor, what about you? He is the gambler who presses (bets) his soul to him... There is a small lamp here tonight, under the lamp, you can't face him. You are so desperate, he is so ruthless!"
These poems by Lin Huiyin were not published later, because it is somewhat because: she doesn't want the world to see her pessimistic and melancholy self. She wanted to leave the beauty to the world so much that even if she fell ill in bed and was extremely weak when taking a photo, she would try her best to smile when the shutter was pressed, just like when she was still healthy.
Lin Huiyin took a photo with Liang Sicheng and others on the bed
But Lin Huiyin is a normal person after all, she is not a god. Faced with physical illness and concerns about the country, she finally couldn't hold on, and she thought of giving up. As she said in "Melancholy": reality is too ruthless, all she can feel is despair.
When she was most sad, she said in a letter to Fei Weimei:
"I feel weak, sad, and extremely bored. Sometimes when the emotions of despair are overwhelming, I simply think nothing, like a hen curled under a pile of hay, swallowed by despair, or like any poor animal covered in bruises and homelessness."
Lin Huiyin thought of death, and the people around her also thought of it: most of them thought she could not walk out of Lizhuang alive. After all, the situation she faced was too bad.
The shadow of death has always followed Lin Huiyin. In the poem "Life", she naturally wrote about death. She wrote in a hypothetical tone:
"...Now I am dead, you, - I will give you to others for the burden."
Lin Huiyin's mentality was completely collapsed, and she frequently thought of death. At the same time, she remembered the novel "Zhong Lu" she had written. This novel describes a woman with a poor life, which is really destined to be a bystander. She used to be a bystander, but now she is about to become a poor life.
Lin Huiyin, who was sick,
, has been paying attention to Lin Huiyin, and Fei Weimei, who was anxious. She urged Lin Huiyin to leave Lizhuang and go abroad to cultivate. She even arranged everything about her migration to the United States. Lin Huiyin's attitude surprised Fei Weimei: She refused to move to the United States no matter what. When asked about the reason, Lin Huiyin replied:
"The motherland is dead, and I will never stay away from thousands of miles away alone. I cannot be Chinese Belarus (Russian who fled to China)."
Fei Weimei had no choice. She knew Lin Huiyin's personality: what she believed was never easily changed.
Lin Huiyin, who insisted on staying, fell into another kind of shame. She found that she could neither participate in the war nor stay outside the war. So, she can only drag everyone down.
has come to this point, what should I do? Lin Huiyin thought hard, she had plenty of time to think about the problem. After countless days and nights of thought, Lin Huiyin finally figured out: she could not change the current situation of the country, her brother's death was a foregone conclusion, and her illness was terminally ill... Since it was a foregone conclusion, she simply stopped thinking about it, and she should do whatever she should do!
When Lin Huiyin realized this level, he had already accepted everything. She had no resentment in her heart at all, and she figured it out:
"Enjoy happiness, endure pain, and overcome difficulties. In short, you can't escape this bowl of Chinese medicine soup in life, you must drink it."
At this point, Lin Huiyin's multiple-choice questions have also been completed: she chose to live. To survive, you have to do whatever you should do. You will accept everything that fate gives you, including the ups and downs and downs, including the bitterness and bitterness of spicy food.
After Lin Huiyin and Liang Sicheng's residence in Lizhuang
, Lin Huiyin spent a longer time studying than before. After a while, she asked Liang Sicheng to borrow books for her. She read "War and Peace", "Hunter's Notes", read Shakespeare , read Gide , and she also read the original English work "Queen Victoria" by British biographer Strazzi.
She also began to read Han Dynasty books, and she read it completely. She knew the emperors, princesses, civil officials, military generals, as well as their enemies, their living rooms, habits, clothing, and personalities.
Lin Huiyin also specially tutored young members of the school club, and only entered the school club, Luo Zhewen . She has been growing up in the countryside and knows nothing about architecture. Under the inspiration and guidance of Lin Huiyin, he became interested in ancient architecture and became an expert step by step.Luo Zhewen, who had become an ancient architecture expert at the age of 80, expressed his nostalgia for Lin Huiyin in the article:
"Although more than 60 years have passed, Zehui, who was enlightened and taught by his mentor, especially his views on inheriting traditions, developing innovations, and allowing ancient Chinese architecture to have new life. In my work in the protection of ancient buildings, I have always followed the study and research of Chinese architecture history , and I will never forget it." When the "China Creation Transactions" which has been suspended for many years, Lin Huiyin participated with illness and became the main "insider leader" among the main forces.
Lin Huiyin spared no effort to educate her children and instilled a patriotic spirit into her children to the best of her ability. She explained to her children the long poem " North End of the Northern Expedition " and she took them to recite the famous chapters of Lu You : "On the day when the King of the Kings settled in the Central Plains, the family sacrificed and did not forget to tell her husband"...
It is strange to say that after Lin Huiyin accepted the facts, the delusion in her heart disappeared. She focused all her energy on doing things, and her illness showed signs of improvement.
In 1945, the news of the victory of Anti-Japanese War came, and Lin Huiyin was very excited. After she dressed up for the first time, she sat on slide rod to Lizhuang Town, and entered the torrent of carnival. Of course, going out for a carnival is not good for her condition, but she doesn't care about this. She believes that compared to celebrating the victory of the motherland, her life is as light as a feather.
Lin Huiyin, who was happy, also came to the Tongji Middle School where her daughter was studying. She wanted to take the opportunity to see her daughter and see what kind of mental outlook will be like after getting rid of the war.
Lin Huiyin
That day, Lin Huiyin specially wore a beautiful casual outfit, and wherever she went, it caused a sensation on campus. The next day, she went to the town with her daughter and her classmates to eat noodles and drink tea. When she returned, she also watched a volleyball game...
When she finally left Lizhuang, Lin Huiyin's mentality was already very positive. She sighed:
"We were covered in bruises and suffered from painful torture, which made us look good or bad or other new qualities. We not only experienced life, but also were tested by the difficult life. Our bodies were seriously damaged, but our beliefs remain the same."
The year after leaving Lizhuang, that is, in 1945, the doctor warned Lin Huiyin: With her physical condition, she will live for at most another five years. Lin Huiyin didn't say anything after hearing this. Li Zhuang's experience had already made her understand a lot. She was already very clear: no matter how many days left, it would be right to do whatever she should do.
Lin Huiyin miraculously lived another ten years, and it was not until April 1, 1955 that she passed away forever. Before her death, she did not leave any last words. But the most important thing she left to the world was that she had actually told the world in Lizhuang with her actions:
"Living itself is the greatest meaning. At any time, people must live, do whatever they should do. Everything that fate gives, including the sour, sweet, bitter, spicy and salty, should be accepted as required."
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