1914, Sun Yat-sen's English secretary Song Ailing married the then "richest man in Shanxi" Kong Xiangxi . After marriage, Song Ailing returned to Shanxi with her husband to manage the family business. In order not to affect Sun Yat-sen's work, Soong Ailing introduced his sister, , who had just returned from the United States, to him as his secretary.
That year, Sun Yat-sen was 47 years old and Soong Ching-ling just turned 20 years old. Soon after, the revolutionary man and woman with a 27-year age difference actually developed love. Sun Yat-sen and Soong Mei-ling are both devout Christians and believe in monogamy. In 1915, in order to marry Soong Ching Ling, Sun Yat-sen filed for divorce from his original wife Lu Muzhen.
Sun Yat-sen and Soong Ching-ling
That day, Sun Yat-sen's guard officer Zheng Zhuo was ordered to send a breakup letter and a divorce agreement to Lu Muzhen. Lu Muzhen knew that this day would be sooner or later, and she did not cry or make anger. After pondering for a while, after calming down, Lu Muzhen asked Zheng Zhuo softly what kind of person Song Qingling was. After listening to Zheng Zhuo’s description, she shook her head and nodded again.
Then, Lu Muzhen said in his hometown dialect: "I really can't help. I don't know enough, and I don't know English. I'm also wrapped my feet and it's not convenient to walk. I can help if I order (how) What about sir. "
"
This is for Zheng Zhuo, and even more for Lu Muzhen himself. Then, she picked up the pen and wrote the word "Ke" on divorce agreement . Although her hands kept shaking, the word "Ke" was extremely neat.
Although Sun Yat-sen and Lu Muzhen have signed a divorce agreement. Many revolutionaries still oppose Sun Yat-sen and Soong Ching-ling's marriage, after all, the two are too different in age.
Sun Yat-sen knows that whether his marriage with Soong Ching Ling can be successful depends on Lu Muzhen's attitude. On September 1, 1915, Lu Muzhen went to Japan at the invitation of Sun Yat-sen.
Lu Muzhen thought Sun Yat-sen wanted to get back together, so she came to Japan with anticipation. When she arrived, she found out that Sun Yat-sen invited him to come to help him talk to Soong Mei-ling. Lu Muzhen's heart completely cold.
Lu Muzhen
His last long talk with Sun Yat-sen, Lu Muzhen said in front of everyone: "Sir, I have been running around for the revolution, and I have also wandered around for several years. Now I am old and don't want to live a wandering life anymore. I hope to be in my hometown Spend your old age in peace. If someone can take care of his life and help his career, I am willing to help them and divorce his husband."
The revolutionaries saw that Lu Muzhen had such an attitude, so they could only accept Sun Yat-sen and Soong Ching Ling's marriage. To a certain extent, it was Lu Muzhen who helped Sun Yat-sen and Soong Mei-ling's marriage.
Lu Muzhen married Sun Yat-sen at the age of 17. Their marriage lasted for 32 years. During this period, Lu Muzhen gave birth to one son and two daughters. When the divorce was about to occur, Lu Muzhen was already 49 years old.
For old-style women, her husband is the sky. Divorce at nearly 50 years old is undoubtedly a huge blow to Lu Muzhen. Many years later, people were accustomed to elevating Lu Muzhen's withdrawal to the sentiment of family and country, believing that she voluntarily withdrew to fulfill Sun Yat-sen's revolutionary cause.
But when I really entered the marriage between Sun Yat-sen and Lu Muzhen, I realized that the reason why Lu Muzhen withdrew from this marriage was not only because of her feelings for family and country, but also because during the secret talks in Japan, Sun Yat-sen agreed to her three requests. . What are these three requirements? Everything has to start from the beginning.
1. Lu Muzhen married Sun Yat-sen. Six years later, Sun Yat-sen fell in love with Chen Cuifen. 2: A loveless marriage is destined to be shaky. In 1866, Sun Yat-sen was born in Cuiheng Village, Xiangshan County, Guangdong Province. At the age of 11, with the support of his brother Sun Mei , Sun Yat-sen entered a private school. During this period, he learned about the story of the Taiping Army and the anti-Qing Dynasty, and planted the seeds of pursuing freedom and democracy in his heart.
Later, Sun Yat-sen received Western education in Guangzhou and Honolulu. Through the eyes and eyes, the seed in Sun Yat-sen's heart, which pursues freedom and nation, is slowly sprouting.
In 1883, after returning from Honolulu, Sun Yat-sen implemented a series of new rural political measures in the village, and even destroyed the statue of the Northern Emperor Temple to break the letter.These behaviors now seem to be beneficial to social progress, but they are not understood in rural areas of that era. Sun Yat-sen was strongly condemned by the villagers and was forced to leave his hometown and live in Hong Kong.
Sun Yat-sen
The elder brother is like a father, Sun Mei is very worried that Sun Yat-sen will take the "wrong way". Sun Mei was even more worried when she learned that Sun Yat-sen had joined Christianity in Hong Kong.
After thinking about it, Sun Mei felt that men could only establish a career by getting married. If their younger brother got married, he might be able to walk the right path. So, at Sun Mei's suggestion, their parents found a marriage partner for Sun Yat-sen - Lu Muzhen.
Lu Muzhen's father died prematurely due to illness and his family gradually declined. As the eldest daughter in the family, Lu Muzhen naturally knew that marrying a good husband's family was her way out. At that time, Sun Yat-sen, who was from a wealthy family and successful in his studies, was undoubtedly a good choice.
Sun Yat-sen is devoted to his career and has no mood to love at all. What's more, Lu Muzhen is a woman who doesn't know big words and has little feet wrapped around her. However, Sun Yat-sen respected his parents and brothers very much, so he agreed to get married.
1884, Sun Yat-sen and Lu Muzhen got married. On the wedding night, the moment when the bride's veil was opened, my eyes met. Facing the handsome and extraordinary groom, Lu Muzhen knew that he would be her god in the future.
But Sun Yat-sen did not take care of Lu Muzhen carefully, because for him, no matter how good his appearance is, it is just a means for his family to bind himself. The beginning of
is doomed to be a tragedy of marriage.
How can a wife who is not loved tie up Sun Yat-sen's heart that yearns for freedom? Not long after getting married, Sun Yat-sen returned to Hong Kong to continue studying, while Lu Muzhen could only stay at the empty room. Lu Muzhen always comforts herself and waits until her husband achieves success in his studies.
Who knew that Sun Yat-sen went to Honolulu again after graduation. Lu Muzhen was a little disappointed, but she still did her duty as always, respected her parents-in-law and handled housework. She knew that her husband had no affection for her, and the only thing she could do was to be more diligent and filial.
Sun Yat-sen felt relieved when he saw his wife working hard to manage the family. Especially in 1888, when his father was seriously ill, Lu Muzhen stayed in front of the sickbed and personally presented the medicine. Sun Yat-sen respected Lu Muzhen even more, but he just respected him.
Lu Muzhen, Sun Yat-sen and his family
1892, Sun Yat-sen completed his studies and became a doctor who saved the world and practiced medicine in Macau, Guangzhou and other places. During this period, Lu Muzhen first moved into a new home designed by her husband, and then followed her husband to live in Macau and Hong Kong with her son, Sun Ke, and then her eldest daughter, Sun Chun. These three years can be said to be the best period in Lu Muzhen's life.
Lu Muzhen thought their family would live a peaceful life like this. Unfortunately, things went against my wishes. Sun Yat-sen is not a thing in the pool. Under the cover of practicing medicine, he accused the secret anti-Qing association and prepared to establish a revolutionary group.
In January 1894, Sun Yat-sen took Lu Muzhen and his two children and suddenly returned to his hometown. He kept his door closed for more than 10 days, wrote a letter, and then he was going north alone. Lu Muzhen hurriedly packed her husband's luggage. Looking at her husband's back as she left, she vaguely felt that her husband would go further this time. Thinking of this, she burst into tears.
As Lu Muzhen expected, Sun Yat-sen went north this time to persuade Li Hongzhang to improve politics and seek new measures to enrich the people and strengthen the country. He took another important step in the revolution.
Sun Yat-sen's revolutionary cause is unfamiliar to Lu Muzhen, and she is afraid that "revolution" will make her and her husband farther and farther away.
In fact, during this period, Sun Yat-sen had already come together with his revolutionary partner Chen Cuifen. Chen Cuifen's parents died, and her family was poor and she had never studied. However, she had a patriotism and was very easy to accept new things. She was brave, decisive and had a good marksmanship.
In 1892, Chen Cuifen began to accompany Sun Yat-sen often. The two of them worked together for the revolution, gave advice to overthrow the Qing government, and experienced life and death many times.
During the most difficult period of the revolution in 1900, Sun Yat-sen lived in Japan and the Qing government sent spies to persuad revolutionaries many times. During this period, Chen Cuifen and Sun Yat-sen lived together in the name of husband and wife to protect Sun Yat-sen.
Chen Cuifen
For a while, Chen Cuifen slept quietly on the floor of the room every night, just to hear the noise as soon as possible and ensure Sun Yat-sen's safety. Sun Yat-sen woke up in the middle of the night and saw Chen Cuifen sleeping on the floor. He called her to go to bed with pain. However, Chen Cuifen said, "It's okay, the ground is cooler."
Chen Cuifen's company and support became the greatest comfort for Sun Yat-sen's death-death land. People develop deep feelings. After the victory of the 1911 Revolution of , Chen Cuifen quietly left to maintain Sun Yat-sen's image. Chen Cuifen perfectly interprets "there is a kind of love called fulfillment."
In March 1925, before Sun Yat-sen died, he suffered from liver cancer and was hot all over. At this time, he remembered the situation when Chen Cuifen was lying on the floor in the early years, so he asked someone to put him on the floor. Soong Ching Ling, who was with him, immediately stopped him. Sun Yat-sen said weakly: "I'm not afraid of the cold, it's better to have ice."
Several years later, when Chen Cuifen learned that Sun Yat-sen still remembered that he had slept on the floor for him before his death, he was moved. He burst into tears and said with a sob: "It's good that he remembers it."
From a modern perspective, the relationship between Chen Cuifen and Sun Yat-sen is not worthy of praise. But the relationship between the two contrasts with the biggest problem in Lu Muzhen and Sun Yat-sen's marriage - lovelessness.
Sun Yat-sen married Lu Muzhen to deal with his family, and Lu Muzhen married Sun Yat-sen to find a living support. Such a marriage with unstable foundation will collapse when faced with a little impact.
2. Lu Muzhen generously asked Sun Yat-sen to take Chen Cuifen, but pushed her husband further: a good marriage must match the three views
After learning that her husband and Chen Cuifen got together, Lu Muzhen did not quarrel with her husband like a modern woman, and Chen Cuifen competes for it. She felt that perhaps because she had not done well enough, she managed the family plan more diligently and became more filial to her parents-in-law.
In his spare time, Lu Muzhen will sew clothes, shoes and socks for Sun Yat-sen with his own hands, and will never let anyone help. Because she wants to sew her thoughts into it with every stitch and thread, and let them accompany her husband to travel around the world. But even so, Sun Yat-sen still returned home less and less.
Finally waited for Sun Yat-sen to return home, Lu Muzhen always wanted to take the opportunity to chat with her husband. But "I don't have any speculations, but Sun Yat-sen talked about the great cause of revolution with her, but Lu Muzhen only said, "Please pay attention to your health and come back and see it." Sun Yat-sen was even less interested in the family matters that Lu Muzhen knew well.
Sun Yat-sen and his daughter
Later, Lu Muzhen simply generously advised Sun Yat-sen to take Chen Cuifen as his concubine. On the one hand, Lu Muzhen was born in a feudal family and was used to men with three wives and four concubines. On the other hand, Lu Muzhen knew very well that she was unable to help her husband in the revolution. Only by taking a step back and letting her husband accept Chen Cuifen can she preserve this already shaky marriage.
But it is precisely Lu Muzhen's compromise approach that pushes Sun Yat-sen further.
Sun Yat-sen is a Christian and has accepted new ideas and believes in monogamy. Lu Muzhen just hopes that her husband will take a concubine. This contradiction completely exposed the problems in the marriage between the two: their values and three views are very different.
Finally hope for the victory of the revolution. In 1912, Sun Yat-sen took office as the interim president of the Republic of China, and Chen Cuifen quietly withdrew. Lu Muzhen naturally became the president's wife and attracted the attention of the world. However, 20 days later, she left sadly and returned to her hometown alone.
People in the world think that Lu Muzhen deserves to enjoy the supreme glory. But Lu Muzhen is an old-style woman. She not only doesn’t understand politics, but also doesn’t like socializing. The glory that outsiders think is a burden and restraint for her.
What Lu Muzhen did not expect was that shortly after he left, Sun Yat-sen also resigned from his post as interim president and gave way to Yuan Shikai. In March 1913, Sun Yat-sen visited Japan, and Lu Muzhen came to Japan with her daughter following her husband.
This time she visited Japan with her husband was Lu Muzhen's last struggle with this marriage. She also wanted to be her husband's right-hand man, but she was limited by her personality and ability.
During his time in Japan, Lu Muzhen spent the rest of her time in the hotel except for taking her daughter out for dinner in the morning and evening, and never went out.After Sun Yat-sen finished his work, he would talk to Lu Muzhen for 30 minutes at around 10 pm and then leave.
A few days later, Sun Yat-sen went west as planned to conduct an investigation, and Lu Muzhen took her daughter to visit Tokyo. Unexpectedly, a car accident occurred on the way and Lu Muzhen was seriously injured.
The entourage asked Sun Yat-sen if he needed to go back to visit Lu Muzhen, but Sun Yat-sen refused decisively. He claimed: "It's useless to go back to Tokyo if it's not a doctor, even the doctor is too late now. Besides, we have an appointment first, so we must not keep the appointment." Fortunately, it's not enough to keep the appointment." Because of the timely treatment, Lu Muzhen was out of danger. More than 0 years later, when I mentioned this scene again, everyone praised Sun Yat-sen for understanding justice and not being influenced by personal emotions. But for Lu Muzhen, she is in danger of her life, but her husband puts her career first. Who can understand the loss and sorrow?
After this time, Lu Muzhen truly recognized the difference between herself and Sun Yat-sen in terms of views. Sun Yat-sen is determined by the world, and Lu Muzhen, like most women, longs for her husband's unconditional protection.
However, as a feudal woman, Lu Muzhen did not know how to express her disappointment and dissatisfaction. Not long after, Yuan Shikai attempted to restore the imperial system and assassinate the revolutionaries. Sun Yat-sen couldn't bear to see the fruits of the revolution being stolen, so he launched the second revolution in July 1913. After the failure of the revolution, Sun Yat-sen went into exile in Japan again.
It was also during this period that Lu Muzhen and Sun Yat-sen's eldest daughter Sun Chun-ku died of illness at the age of 20. Lu Muzhen was deeply in pain of losing her daughter, while Sun Yat-sen was swept away by the failure of the revolution, and the two gradually drifted away.
Not long after, Soong Ching Ling became Sun Yat-sen's secretary. The failure of the Second Revolution made many people negative about the revolution, and some even gave up because of disappointment. Only Soong Ching Ling accompanied Sun Yat-sen without hesitation and devoted himself to the torrent of revolution. The common goals and three views made Sun Yat-sen and Soong Ching-ling naturally come together.
Sun Yat-sen and Soong Ching-ling
Xi Murong once said: "A true marriage requires that couples have like-mindedness, that is, they have the same values, the same attitude towards life, and similar pursuits in life. It is best to have common beliefs."
It is obvious that Sun Yat-sen and Soong Ching Ling is the couple who have the same views, and Lu Muzhen and Sun Yat-sen's marriage does not match this. More than 0 years later, Sun Yat-sen once commented on Lu Muzhen: "My ex-wife doesn't like going out, so she never accompanied me abroad during my exile days. ...Apart from a divorce agreement with my ex-wife, there is nothing else. "
When Lu Muzhen promoted the marriage of Sun Yat-sen and Soong Mei-ling, he also claimed: "Mr. I have been wandering around for the revolution, and I have also wandered around for several years. Now I am old and don't want to live a wandering life anymore. I hope to be at peace in my hometown. Spend your old age."
Sun Yat-sen is determined to make great achievements. He is willing to be displaced for the sake of revolution, but Lu Muzhen only wants to guard his small family and live a stable life. Different values of the three aspects are the most fundamental reason why the marriage between two people cannot be stable for a long time.
3. During the divorce, Lu Muzhen made three requests: maintain the marriage and always understand the other party’s needs
1915, Lu Muzhen and Sun Yat-sen officially signed a divorce agreement. Sun Yat-sen's plan to marry Soong Ching Ling was strongly opposed by the revolutionaries. They believe that as a revolutionary leader, Sun Yat-sen must maintain his image.
In order to promote this marriage, Sun Yat-sen took Lu Muzhen to Japan, hoping that she could talk to herself and Soong Ching-ling. This shows the scene at the beginning of the article. Lu Muzhen publicly stated that she had a voluntary divorce, which led to Sun Song's marriage. More than 0 years later, everyone praised Lu Muzhen's temperament of understanding the righteousness and taking the overall situation into consideration, elevating her withdrawal to the perspective of family and country feelings.
But everyone forgot that no matter how well Lu Muzhen understands justice, she is also an ordinary woman. After signing the divorce agreement, Lu Muzhen locked herself in the room and cried for several days and nights.
Objectively speaking, Lu Muzhen has grievances and righteousness, but what drove her to make a choice was the most essential thing in marriage - value exchange. Whether a marriage can last depends on whether the husband and wife can continue to provide the value each other needs.
Sun Yat-sen said that the reason why he accepted this marriage at the beginning was to appease his parents and brothers, and to continue the family line. There is no doubt that Lu Muzhen could provide these values at that time.
But in the later stage, Sun Yat-sen first needed a revolutionary partner who could share his hardships with him, so he got together with Chen Cuifen; then he needed a partner who was close and could help him politically, so he chose Soong Ching Ling.
Whether it is to share the revolution with her husband or help her husband politically, Lu Muzhen, who has small feet and cannot read a lot of words, can't do it. But she had never fought for it. She served her parents-in-law carefully at home and even generously asked her husband to take Chen Cuifen as his concubine.
1896, Sun Yat-sen was imprisoned in London and died for a lifetime. At that time, Lu Muzhen was pregnant for ten months and was about to give birth. When Lu Muzhen heard the news that Sun Yat-sen was in trouble, he was worried that he would be unable to sleep or eat, so he almost died with his body.
Lu Muzhen and her daughter's family
It can be said that for this marriage, Lu Muzhen is willing to give everything, but sadly, she still cannot keep the marriage in the end. In fact, this is also a problem that many people will encounter in marriage: they have made a lot of effort, but the other party does not appreciate it.
Marriage is a value exchange, and the value mentioned here must be what the other party needs. In other words, Sun Yat-sen did not need Lu Muzhen's various efforts and tolerance at all.
Of course, whether it is marriage or divorce, it is a common choice between husband and wife. The reason why Lu Muzhen agreed to the divorce was precisely because this marriage could no longer provide the value she needed.
For Lu Muzhen, she married Sun Yat-sen to seek a stable life and a reliable husband. At the beginning, Sun Yat-sen could indeed give her a life like that.
With the development of the revolutionary cause, Lu Muzhen had to wander with her husband. For several years, she went from Nanjing to Cuiheng, and from Beijing to Japan. In order to cooperate with Sun Yat-sen's identity as the revolutionary leader, Lu Muzhen had to endure social engagements that he didn't like. Obviously, at this time, Sun Yat-sen could no longer give Lu Muzhen the stable life he wanted.
Lu Muzhen
So, when interviewing Sun Yat-sen in Japan, Lu Muzhen made three pitiful requests: First, he was born as a member of the Sun family, and died as a ghost of the Sun family. Even if he divorced, he would not leave the Sun family; second, Sun Ke will always be his son; thirdly, he will convert to Christianity after returning home. These three requests of
seem simple, but in fact they just meet Lu Muzhen's needs for a stable life. After that, she lived in the Macau Grand Mansion until her death. Sun Yat-sen also kept his promise and always regarded Lu Muzhen as his Sun family. In the 10 years after the divorce, Sun Yat-sen wrote letters to greet Lu Muzhen many times, calling him "Science Mother".
From this point of view, the most effective way to manage a marriage is to always understand the other party’s needs and provide corresponding value.
4. Lu Muzhen supported the revolutionary cause in her own way, and was respected as Sun Guomu after her death: paying tribute to the family of revolutionaries
After experiencing major changes in life, Lu Muzhen is no longer the little woman who only cares about the small family, and her heart begins to pretend. Sun Yat-sen's family and even the whole world.
After the divorce, although Lu Muzhen lives in Macau, she still cares about and helps the Sun family as usual. Every year, she returns to her hometown several times and performs a variety of good deeds in the name of Sun Yat-sen.
1923, Sun Yat-sen founded Whampoa Military Academy . Lu Muzhen actively persuaded the young people around him to join the revolution and encouraged them to apply for the Whampoa Military Academy, injecting new life and vitality into the revolutionary cause.
In November 1938, the Japanese army captured Guangzhou, and the people of Zhongshan County held an anti-Japanese and national salvation conference. Lu Muzhen, who was already 71 years old, attended the conference despite the danger and found a way to purchase anti-Japanese war materials for the guerrillas in Macau.
Lu Muzhen and her family
In addition, after the divorce, Lu Muzhen has always been communicating with the sisters of Soong Ching Ling, and also reminded her son Sun Ke to respect Soong Ching Ling. Lu Muzhen also took care of Sun Yat-sen's former revolutionary partner Chen Cuifen.She asked her son Sun Ke to visit Chen Cuifen many times and invited Chen Cuifen to live in China with her adopted daughter Sun Rong.
Later, in the war in Southeast Asia, Sun Ke took Chen Cuifen back to China on the grounds of asking her to take care of her children and lived in Sun Mansion in Macau with Lu Muzhen.
After Sun Yat-sen's death, Soong Ching-ling ran around and actively participated in the revolution. Due to limited energy, the Sun family is less caring for. Lu Muzhen and Chen Cuifen joined hands to raise the descendants of the Sun family.
In February 1921, Sun Yat-sen married Lu Muzhen's daughter Sun Wan-. Lu Muzhen asked Chen Cuifen to attend the wedding as her mother, which shows how broad Lu Muzhen's heart is.
Lu Muzhen and Chen Cuifen
1952, Lu Muzhen died of illness in Macau at the age of 85. Among her relics, except for the clothes she wore and memorials, the rest were related to Sun Yat-sen, including Sun Yat-sen's letters, photos, loan notes, old suits, seals, easy chair , etc.
Lu Muzhen has won the love of the world with her selfless dedication and noble character. She is respected as the "Mother of the Nation" in Macau. The seven big words "Mother of the Nation" are engraved on her tombstone: "Mother of the Nation" are engraved with the seven big words "Mother of the Nation of the Nation" in the tombstone. Perhaps, this is the best footnote for this pitiful and respectable woman in her life.
The reason why we have a better life today is not only because of the succession of generations of revolutionaries, but also because there are countless families of revolutionaries such as Lu Muzhen and Chen Cuifen who silently support them behind their backs. I would like to pay tribute to them with this article.
