My friend used to be an Internet administrator. One day, a few gangsters came to the Internet cafe to cause trouble. My friend had an idea and broke the Internet. Everyone in the Internet cafe stood up in an instant. The momentum of the scene instantly scared the gangsters away.

My friend used to be an Internet administrator. One day, a few gangsters came to the Internet cafe to cause trouble. My friend had an idea and broke the Internet. Everyone in the Internet cafe stood up in an instant. The momentum of the scene instantly scared the gangsters away. Every time my friend talks about this, he is excited to stand up from his wheelchair.

Xiao Li's friend has become a father and posted photos of his son on his circle of friends. Xiao Li left a message to send blessings: "Brother, congratulations! Let's do this, multiplying the weight of the child by 100, which is the amount of the red envelope I gave to the child." The friend replied, "Be serious?" Xiao Li looked at the child's photo again, and it was probably only six or seven pounds, and replied, "You don't have any jokes." The friend quickly replied, "Brother is really nice, the child weighs 3600 grams."

"Have you programmers never seen the sun when you get off work?"

"No, it's not right, you can still see it in summer."

"Oh, it was darker at that time."

"No, it was dawn earlier at that time."

A courier guy was waiting for the customer to get the package downstairs. A boy next to him said, "Brother, sometimes I really envy you for delivering the express." The courier guy from

asked in confusion: "I'm tired of doing this business, what's there to envy?" The boy of

said sadly: "I'm waiting for someone, if you call someone, the girl will come down immediately. Unlike me, I have to wait for half a day every time, and I don't dare to call and urge me."

On the street, a little boy clamored to buy cotton candy.

Mom pointed at the little candy man in his hand and said, "I haven't eaten the I just bought, why do I still want it?"

The little boy didn't listen and stayed there, insisting on buying marshmallows. Mom had no choice but to agree. The little boy finally got the marshmallow and said happily to the little candy man: "Sage, look, your somersault cloud is here!"

is about to go to college. My mother asked me, "Are you afraid of going out of the province alone?" The second aunt next to

rushed to say, "I am so ugly, I am not afraid of anything I do!"

I said calmly, "Who said that, at least I will be afraid when looking in the mirror!"

"Teacher, why are your hair bald?"

"This is called super smart."

"Then I shave my hair too."

"That's called being smart."

"Then I shave my hair too."

"That's called being smart."

I saw a junior girl crying in the canteen of

. I asked her what happened. The junior girl said, "The wallet was stolen." I said, "How did I lose it? Why don't I put it on?" The junior girl said, "I used my wallet to take a seat, but it was gone when I came back."

was taking a nap, and I felt in a daze that my girlfriend secretly picked up my phone, quietly pulled my hand over and pressed it on the phone to unlock it... I felt like a prisoner who was wronged in ancient times. After being knocked out, she forced her handprint to confess.

chatted with my best friend that day, and I said to my best friend, "Do you think it's strange? Acne has been growing on my stomach and neck these days."

best friend looked at me unscrupulously and said lightly: "There is no ground on my face, so it's going down."

What did the reporter interviewed students during the winter vacation? The student: "Writing winter vacation homework!" The reporter asked again: "What's left?" The student: "The only thing left is to make up for it after school!"

Doctor: "Since I open the windows for ventilation,"

I: "The smog outside is too serious!"

Doctor: "Ah, then let's exchange some fresh haze for your home."

I saw a girl in the library, so I mustered up the courage to talk to her, and my tone was a little nervous: "Classmate, what are your name?"

The girl replied in a shocked look: "I didn't call..."

The neighbor two mothers and daughters quarreled, and the mother scolded her daughter and said, "You are a liar, and often cheated on my money."

At this time, the girl's father went home and said a good thing for her daughter. Who knew that the mother scolded: "No one of you father and daughter is good, one cheated me of money and the other cheated me of sex.”

I sat near the window of the classroom. I was too devoted to grab red envelopes in class one day, but my luck was not very good. I was so angry that I gritted my teeth and stamped my feet.

Just as I was about to collapse, the head teacher by the window said coldly: "You are not good at your speed. It seems that it is difficult to get a big one without copying the school rules 50 times! "

When I was a child, I took the turtle to take the exam. I copied the answer in a pencil at the bottom of turtle shell , and let the turtle pass the answer. The turtle ended up taking the wrong path or being caught. The teacher asked whose turtle this was. I didn't dare to say a word, the teacher: "What words are written on the turtle shell? ”

Me: “It should be Oracle! "

That time, I was punished to stand in the corridor with a turtle held up in the corridor for a long time...

sketch class, the art teacher personally became a model. After the students finished drawing, the teacher looked at the painting of Xiao Ming and couldn't help but be furious: "Are you drawing me?" ”

Xiao Ming: “Teacher, this is an exaggerated way of painting. I deliberately drew your mouth a little bigger. There is a saying that, "A big mouth eats all directions," means that you have strong abilities. If you look at your ears, you have also drew your ears. If you look at your belly, you have also drew your ears a little bigger. This is called The Prime Minister can hold a boat in his belly ..."

The boy accidentally broke a vase at his rich uncle's house. The uncle shouted: "Do you know how old this vase is? This is from the 17th century! "

" Thank God! "The boy breathed a sigh of relief, "I thought it was new." "

A friend was stabbed in the chest by welding wire and accompanied him to the hospital for a film. After taking the film, the doctor looked at it and said nothing was wrong. pneumothorax , and asked him to take the injection for two days, and blow more balloons if he had nothing to do. He also told me to remember to buy him a balloon. I asked calmly: "Is 200 enough? "The doctor was not calm at that time: "After blowing, can't I blow it again after I let go? "

" Dear, do you know? Behind every successful man is a great woman. "

" I know, but can you get down and walk for a while? I really can't carry it anymore. ”

Brother: “Brother, someone is looking for you just now. "

Brother: "Who is looking for me? "

brother: "Give me one dollar first and I'll tell you. "

brother gave a dollar to his younger brother, and asked anxiously: "Who is here to find me? Is it my girlfriend? "

brother: "No, it's me. "

" I don't dare to travel to that island. Why "

"? "

" I heard that there were natives living there, and I was afraid of being eaten. "

" Oh my God! How could you have such an idea? "

" clearly states that the indigenous people on the island rely entirely on travelers to survive..." In the convenience store of

, a little boy three or four years old wanted to eat potato chips. When he saw his mother disagreed, he kept making trouble. Later, his mother got a little angry and said, "If you do this, I won't like you anymore! "The little boy said, "That's okay. Whether you like me or not, I will always like you." "Then I saw his mother picking up four or five packs of potato chips.

drove out with her best friend and passed by a gas station that said "Come on, give me gifts". I thought to myself, "Come on, I can still have gifts, it's great! "After coming on, I asked the staff: "What gift can I get? "When the staff heard this, they immediately stood up and saluted me.

went to someone else's house as a guest and was about to leave. I said, "No need to send it." Then I opened one door to the bedroom, and then opened the other to the bathroom. In the end, I was sent out...

When my wife quarreled with me, she ran out to go shopping and vent her dissatisfaction. Today, my wife cried and said to me: "You can't live this day. You haven't quarreled with me for a week. ”

I was having a meal when I heard a girl at the next table say to her companion: “What kind of boys should be raised in poverty or girls should be raised in wealth are nonsense. I said, the most important thing for women is maintenance. "

Her companion chewed a big bite of chicken legs and said, "Yes! You must be full, it will be uncomfortable to be hungry. ”

An old lady went to buy ginseng.She complained to the salesperson: "Why don't you tie this ginseng with a red rope? If the ginseng runs away, who will compensate me?" The salesperson at

smiled and said, "This is American ginseng , it can't run back!"

blood donation was organized in the school square, 200 ml of a pair of manicure utensils, and 400 ml of a watch. After hearing this, a "two guy" from the neighboring class of

ran over and asked the nurse excitedly, "What should I get for 1,000 ml?" The nurse

calmly said, "Give me an urn."

chapters said Sun Wukong bought an iPhone and called to harass Tang Monk every day. I hit it again that day. As soon as I put it in my ear, I suddenly fell to the ground and scolded, "Master, you are unethical, and the ringtone is actually cursed with a tight ring!" The top student in

class said proudly, "There is no problem I can't do." Someone said, "I ask you about math problems. Today is zero degrees, tomorrow is twice as cold as today. How many degrees will it be tomorrow?" The top student: "..." There is a barber in

. When I cut my hair, I always tell some stories about monsters and monsters, and ask him why. He said: "When I tell these stories, your hair will stand up, so it will be much easier for me to cut my hair."