1. My son likes to watch the weather forecast on TV, but he never understood the meaning of mudslides, typhoons, hail and tsunamis, so he asked his mother for advice. In order to make it easy to understand, my mother made several metaphors: "The mudslide is like you, the way your tears and nose run down alternately when you cry; the typhoon is like the way your father dances and goes crazy when he is drunk; the hail is like when I am angry. , beating your father on the back with his fist; the tsunami is like the way your grandfather opened his mouth and roared when he saw me and your father arguing. These are natural disasters that will cause great losses to us humans."
The son said thoughtfully: "Oh! Mom, there are mudslides at my house every day, typhoons often blow, hail every month, and tsunamis every year. Why are there so many disasters..."
2. Husband: "Wife, The food you cooked today is so delicious.”
Wife: “Whatever day I cooked was not delicious.”
Husband: “Every day I cooked it was delicious.”
Wife: “Hypocritical”
3, before. When I was in college, I met a very cute girl who was very timid. She just doesn't dare to walk at night in the middle of the night. I often take her out to watch horror movies to take advantage of her. One day her roommates were going out on a date, leaving her alone. She weakly asked if she could have someone stay with her, saying that having something moving next to her would make her feel safe. So, her roommate turned the fan to oscillating mode and went downstairs.
4. My cousin was ill and hospitalized, and the attending doctor was his ex-girlfriend. Now it was embarrassing. My cousin was about to leave, but he was stopped and said: "You are waiting in line, now it's your turn, come in!" After the cousin entered, he said embarrassedly: "Doctor, look at it. It’s cured. I’ll treat you to a meal.” The ex-girlfriend smiled and said, “I want to cure it in just one meal. Now that I’m cured, introduce me to a boyfriend!” My cousin was even more embarrassed, and the ex-boyfriend introduced me. They were all funny, but looking at her serious expression, her eyes were always staring at her cousin. The cousin didn't dare to laugh and nodded in agreement. Later, my cousin really sent her a lot of photos of colleagues, but no one responded. My cousin said, "I want to fulfill my promise." She didn't even look at the photos he sent to her. She really didn't understand and it was really too much of a lie. Brother quietly added her to the blacklist!
5. At that time, our university closed the gate at 11 o'clock in the evening. My then-girlfriend and I came back late. My girlfriend didn't dare to jump over the wall, so the two of us sat outside the big iron gate and worried. After smoking two cigarettes, I suddenly had an idea and said to my girlfriend: There is such a theory. Have you heard of it? As long as the head can pass, then the body can pass. The girlfriend nodded stupidly. I pointed to the gap between the fence gates and said, "Can you try to get through?" Facts have proved that this theory is pseudo-science. Once the head passes, the body cannot pass through at all, and the head cannot exit. In the end, she became my ex-girlfriend...
6. My nephew who graduated from college couldn't find a job, so my sister asked me to let him come to my company to be my secretary. We went out to eat together after get off work last night. We passed by the train station and saw a beautiful girl kneeling pitifully on the side of the road begging for money to buy a ticket. My nephew, who was new to the world, was overflowing with sympathy and walked up to the girl and pulled her up. He said: Sister, stop kneeling here to beg for money. I saw you have been kneeling for three days and you haven’t even asked for a 40-yuan ticket. Come with me and go to my house to be my uncle’s wife. , take care of food, housing and even buy you new clothes! The girl was stunned for a moment, looked up at me, and then broke free from her nephew's hand and ran away without looking back...
7. My little nephew has just started school this year and is very naughty and rebellious. The family can't control him at all. Later, out of helplessness, my brother and sister-in-law discussed letting their little nephew learn martial arts, suffer some hardships, and have the martial arts school discipline him. One day, the little nephew made a mistake again, and my brother asked his son to kneel behind the door and lecture him: "No!" Let me send you to a martial arts school and you will be happy! The little nephew answered: Send me there quickly. When I come back, do you dare to let me kneel here again?
