Connotation Duan: I'm sorry, I'm pregnant, the second child, the old man fainted on the spot

2021/09/1223:39:03 funny 361

An old man and an old lady get on the bus together, and there is only one seat. The old lady sits down, and the old man stepped forward and asked the old lady: How old are you this year?

The old lady answered 68?

The old man happily said to the old lady: Hehe, young man, get up and give me a seat! I’m 93...

I didn’t expect that the old lady smiled and said to the old man: I’m sorry, I’m pregnant, the second child...

The old man fainted on the spot...

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Wife: "Old man, how long do you say we will be poor?"

_p3span old man looks up at the sky and meditates for a moment.

Today I went shopping and asked "Boss, how do you sell crabs?"

Boss: "158 yuan a catty"

I said, "It's too expensive, don't." _p3sp

I pointed to the side: "The crab just died. It costs 18 yuan a catty."

I said, "Why did you die?"I'm so angry.

Look, it's worthless when you get angry, so you have to be happy when you are alive, cherish your body, take care of yourself, smile more, immortality is always worth money!

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The buddy likes a girl. Finally, once, he held flowers and confessed to her in front of the class. The girl shyly asked, "Why do you like me? "The buddy said: "Although you are not very beautiful, have a bad temper, have not very good grades, and are not very eye-catching at school, you are even a middle-lower girl, but I feel inexplicable when I see you. Think this is it. . . "You are blind!" "The girl threw the flower away and turned away

. The male colleague came back from a drink in the evening, thinking about the female colleague she had a crush on, so she immediately took out her cellphone and sent a text message. Just arrived at the unit the next day, The female colleague immediately asked: Did you send me a text message last night? Male colleague: Hmm... Female colleague: You are talking? A big man! Male colleague: I... Sorry, I drank too much last night , Dare not now! The female colleague took out the wine bottle and slapped it on the table: Come on, drink some more!

A cavalry was unfortunately captured in battle.

to his enemy leader Say, "Your heroic battle is admirable. I can kill you three days later and meet your three requirements before then. Now you can mention the first one. "

The cavalry didn't even think about it, and said, "I want to say something to my horse." "The leader agreed. So the cavalry walked over and whispered to his horse. After the horse heard it, he let out a long roar and hurried away.At dusk, the horse came back with a beautiful girl on his back. On that evening, the cavalry and the girl spent the spring evening together. On the second day, the leader was amazed: "What a magical BMW! What is your second requirement?"

The cavalry again asked for a word with the horse. The leader agreed, so the cavalry whispered to the horse again, and the horse screamed again and hurried away. At dusk, the horse came back again, and the girl on his back this time was more beautiful than the one last time.

The leader was amazed: "Your horse is really eye-opening, but I will kill you tomorrow. Now you can make one last request." The cavalry thought for a while and said, "I want to be with mine." The horse talks alone."

The leader agreed to leave, leaving only the cavalry and his BMW in the tent. The cavalry stared at his horse, suddenly grabbed its ears, and said angrily, "I repeat, bring a brigade, not a woman.

haha a dare He said a dare with

either check the information I believed!

once was practicing reversing and warehousing

The coach suddenly came to say

"Have you joined the party?"

"No,Just a team member"

"Why don't you join the party if everyone else joins the party?"

At that time, I was stunned

I felt like I met a nosy coach and my milk _span3psp _span3psp. I’ve never asked me why I didn’t join the party. Please, I just came to learn to drive.

Isn’t I a party member and I can’t learn to drive? It’s funny, you still discriminate against non-party members?

Believe it or not, I’m complaining.

Suddenly, the coach slapped me on the back of the head:

"Push the street, you didn’t put any clutch in gear, the engine is going to blow up, can’t you hear it?

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hahaha you have a reason

7 p2span

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Became a dad

and texted him: Son, come back soon, don’t go to school, my dad won 50 million, we opened our own school!

The classmates got up and ran out as soon as they received the text message.The teacher in the class is dumbfounded:

XXX, what are you doing?

Go home.

What home to go back to, class?

Go to your mother to buy skins, I went back to open the school by myself and became the principal.

The Tang monk and his apprentice returned to the Tang Dynasty after returning from the Western Heaven,

, he went to the Great Hall and took _span2 _span2 _span2 : Wukong Bajie, kneel down.

Wukong Bajie immediately knelt down

Tang Taizong asked: What do you mean?

Tang Seng replied: I just want to experience the pleasure of bringing the emperor to make the pig monkey!

just received an unfamiliar call, a woman, she said: "Hello! Congratulations, you won the second prize of 300,000!"

I haven't spoken yet, she She laughed first, and then she said: "I'm sorry, I just joined this business, it's the first time I lied, and I couldn't bear it."

Then she hung up,I was the only one who was messy in the wind with my mobile phone...

On the way back to the company in the car, the driver suddenly said: "Wow, look, the beauty without pants!" I rely on, I only took 0.1 seconds of reaction time, turned my head in an instant, and saw a girl in a skirt! I just want to say that people are so funny nowadays.

Go buy a watermelon and ask a familiar boss to help you pick one. After that, ask him what's the secret to picking this one.

boss: "You have to slap at least three watermelons, and then pick one of them and give them to the guests. The expression must be full of confidence."

A 4 or 5 year old kid is coaxing me to get an injection. He said: "Don't watch it, be good, it won't hurt if you don't watch it."

He said solemnly: "Uncle, I am young, but not stupid..."

The young man cried to the master: "Master, I failed the college entrance examination and failed to enter the university. My parents scolded me and my girlfriend left me. Please accept me and let me convert to Buddhism!"

When saw the master put out a stack of college entrance examination materials, the youth suddenly realized: "The master told me not to give up the college entrance examination and fight again next year, right?" It’s better to go back to get a bachelor’s degree and come for an interview first!

I asked him to find one hundred pieces of melons, and he waved his hand and said that he had recently collected several counterfeit coins. He would rather not sell me watermelons than to collect one hundred more.

remembered the crime report I saw a few days ago. Recently, a group of criminals did use counterfeit money to fool the elderly. I couldn’t help feeling a lot. If it weren’t for these beasts, my one hundred counterfeit money might have been spent long ago. .

Since we separated that day, I haven't seen her again for a long time. I went out for dinner today, and accidentally saw the figure that I will never forget in that familiar street. We looked at each other without speaking, so we looked at each other quietly, and the atmosphere seemed a bit heavy.

After a while, she spoke first: "Can you...can you still cross the road with my hand as before?"

stretched out her hand to me.

I tried to calm my mind, took a deep breath and said to her: "It's too much, old lady! Last time you pulled you across the road, you lay on the ground and ruined my salary for one month. You can’t change it. Are you personally wrong?"

The first time the buddies went to the girl’s house after a blind date to chat with the old man: "Your hair style is pretty, where did you cut it?"

Angrily said: "You picked it up, I bought it with money!"

"I did pick it up, I picked it up at the crossroads at the door."

I took the wig off.

The family went to the grave, the aunt’s 17-year-old cousin suddenly twitched twice, then laughed lowly, and said, “It’s all here, you still have a bit of filial piety.”

then quickly squatted down. Pick up the tribute and eat it. The 15-year-old cousin of the second aunt’s family cried directly. The older uncle reacted first and slapped her cousin twice when she went up.

That year's Qingming, drizzling rain, the older uncle was stunned by the relative who stopped him to persuade him, and watched his cousin cry and knocked 100 heads before letting him go down the mountain.

A classmate who likes to smoke while shit, just came out of the toilet once, and said loudly to us: "Ah! It's so cool to pull a cigarette and smoke a shit!"

My wife quarreled with me. When the quarrel became intense, I wondered why a big man should have general knowledge of women? Not to mention his own wife.

At that time, I apologized to my daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law was very happy. After apologizing, the rolling pin in her hand was thrown to the ground. Her brother also put down the knife, her brother's spade was also put down, and her sister was dragging him. The hand in my hair was also loosened, and the old man threw the brick away.

I have a new girlfriend, and my friends say she is a lady from a wealthy family, and persuaded me to stop dating her!

I broke my face with them on the spot, what happened to the lady of the rich family, I just like it!

until someone told me that the rich and famous is a nightclub.

and I broke up with her decisively,It took a few days to realize that her father was the boss of a wealthy family.

I went home from get off work, and finally found a place to sit when someone got off the car.

The two old ladies who came up next to me stared at me intentionally or unintentionally, talking loudly about character, morality, and the quality of young people.

I was already tired, but I was even more annoyed when I heard this. I turned my head and asked the old lady, "Are you tired?" It’s time to talk to people like you!”

I said, “You’re not tired, right? If you’re not tired, you just stand up.”

The wife and the next door Pharaoh lay on the bed, suddenly furious, grabbing the two dog men and women is just a beating.

After beating, I became more sober and looked at the side. I entered the wrong door. I quickly apologized to Lao Wang and his wife, saying that he had entered the wrong house. He grabbed my neckline and yelled, "I can understand that you have entered the wrong door, but you don't have a wife, do you know?" Shaking he bleeds and vomiting two mouthfuls of blood on the ground. Dad came in and saw that he was shocked. I remembered the plot of the martial arts movie and groaned: "I guess it won't work, I really regret coming to this world..."

Dad immediately hugged me and ran to the hospital, crying all the way.

when he came back,I was beaten and I really regret coming to this world...

Once again in high math class, there is no chalk in the classroom! The teacher saw a buddy in the back row sleeping, so he asked him to go next door! I saw that buddy go out through the back door sleepily.

appeared at the front door for a while, and he said to the teacher: "The teacher borrows you some chalk for use!"

The teacher who has been petrified said: "Nothing? Then you can go back!"

The buddy went out from the front door again, then appeared at the back door, and said to the teacher: "Teacher, there is no one next door!"

When I was in school, my parents went to work every winter and summer vacation. , Leave me alone at home.

I don't know how to cook. My parents always make a big pot of fried sauce and let me cook noodles at noon and eat it for several days.

One week my mom was on a business trip, so my dad made me fried sauce. After I finished it, I saw it and I went. How could it be like shit?

My dad said: "Where is it like shit? If you don’t like it, you can’t eat it!"

I was angry, but before my dad came back at night, I scooped several tablespoons and poured it into the toilet. I didn’t rush in. Dad came back to the bathroom and looked at the toilet. He shouted: "Why don’t you rush after you shit!"I wanted to take this opportunity to conceal my fart, but I didn't know that the sound was too loud. The man thought that the motorcycle started and wanted to go, but he fell!

Today I went to China Unicom business hall to charge up the phone bill, and said to my sister: "Fill 50!"

The girl raised her head and asked: "How much

_span?" , I thought, when did English become popular to this extent! I replied in a not-so-standard English sentence: "fifty!"

The girl turned up the volume: "What is the number?"

"..."

with her boy friend 28

Together for half a year, he always speaks and does things indifferently. Today I couldn’t help but yelled at him: "Why are you always cold to me, can't you do something to warm me?" It’s hot now.”

I took my friends for a ride on an electric bike at night. I heard someone calling my name for a long time. I asked my friends to see who called me, and my friends didn’t speak.

I stopped the electric car and turned around and found that my friend hadn't gotten in the car at all. He ran after me for a long time.

took the quilt downstairs to dry at school,Then I lost it. I went to the Security Division. The security guard asked me what the quilt had. I said: "Pick up."

The instructor begins: " little swallow, in a floral dress."

Classmate A continues to sing: "Come here every spring."

Classmate B continues to sing: "I ask the swallow. "

The classmate next to me sang: "Swallow said."

Then he turned his head to me, and the instructor turned his head to me, looking forward to it.

I held back for a long time, and then I sang: "Chirp, chirp."

An uncle who is very good at training in the community says: " Use softness to overcome strength"

I swayed a steel pipe and said, "Master, you say it again?"