people often ask: Shouldn't true love mean respect and respect? Why do some people love each other but always torment each other?
Love is supposed to be warm, but how can there be a single mode of getting along in such a big world? Falling in love and killing each other is an alternative mode of getting along. Some love in
makes people turn into angels, but here it turns people into devil, real and full of irresistible charm. Compared with gentle and peaceful, it makes the experience of love a little more profound.
is sometimes fierce and sometimes soft, eager for each other's salvation, and obtain each other's attention and care through this kind of injury. The great emotional fluctuations bring the emotional value of first bitter and sweeter, and cause psychological satisfaction and pleasure.
In simple terms, this is more similar to the way of flirting with sadism that is spiritually pursued. The hidden behind the hurt is actually "I want to be with you", but both parties have not found the correct way of expression. Will produce a series of dislocations.
may have caused this mode of getting along between you, which may come from the following reasons:
1. Strong possessiveness
When together with each other, it looks good like a person, but as soon as you separate, you feel that the other party is cheating, but many people do It is always attributed to distrust. In fact, it is a strong possessive desire when the love reaches the bone, and it cannot be rationally generous. There is a concept in
psychology called "halo effect": it is that in interpersonal communication, a certain aspect of the person's body conceals other characteristics, thereby causing interpersonal cognitive barriers.
, especially couples in love, are very susceptible to this effect. They see each other’s strengths. They are afraid of being coveted by others and will be jealous and uneasy.
2. The reverse formation of love
"reverse formation" refers to the individual's desire and motivation when they are not received by their own consciousness or society, suppress them to the subconscious, and then express the opposite behavior in the external behavior. The application of
in love is: Although I am willing to pay for you, I also ask for rewards. Only if you do more and better than me can it show that you love me.
With the deeper love, the more demands, the other person will feel that this love is like a task that is forced to complete, thus losing the original desire for you, and you cannot be satisfied, so the two A contradiction formed between.
3. The wrong positioning of love
Many people hold a wrong concept: love is to do whatever you want, and love to do whatever you want. Z1z
may be countered by someone saying, "Isn’t love about being the truest self in front of the one you love, and showing the truest side?" The words of
are correct, but intimacy also requires distance. Everyone has one in their heart. A portrait of a perfect couple, they may be able to accept your shortcomings in some aspects, but absolutely cannot accept your flaws in all aspects, and no one is willing to be your "punch bag".
If you can't realize this, you don't care to expose your shortcomings in front of the other party. When they feel that their choice goes against their original intention, they will inevitably be dissatisfied with you. Love like
knows that it is poison, but I still can’t help but eat a little bit every day. Even if breaking up is already commonplace, I still can’t really let it go. In that case, why not try to change and make this relationship better?
will share with you two effective ways to avoid quarrels and injuries:
1. Learn how to love each other correctly
how is it right to love? The answer is simple, use the way the other party needs.
According to your own understanding, you should also observe which expression the other person prefers to accept. For example, if the other person is a direct person, then your implicit love is naturally not suitable for him. You can turn your silent concern into a clear language . At the same time,
should also pay attention to converging one's sense of need, reject unipolar thinking, and try to express one's point of view in a way acceptable to the other party.
2. Avoid emotional
Definition of emotional maturity: Emotional maturity is the ability to independently face various (including good and bad) problems encountered in life. The complete maturity of
is that happiness, anger, sorrow and happiness depend only on their own attitude and not on others and the environment. Some people, especially girls, cannot control their emotions when they encounter something related to the other half, and then take this ShareExtreme emotions are transferred to the partner, causing many people to create unnecessary conflicts.
Avoid losing your normal judgment due to strong emotions. When the other party's actions deviate from your ideas, don't rush to accuse and complain, but look at the hidden reasons behind the incident.
If you are emotional every time you encounter a problem, the other party will only think that you are an unreasonable person, and thus turn on the defense mechanism and refuse to communicate and communicate with you heart-to-heart.
Don't be a slave of emotions, you will find that you can also reap more love while giving love.
3. Divert your negative attention
Some people say: Love is their career if there are two people who can fall in love and kill each other.
is so obsessed with love that you forget yourself. When you feel your own value, you are full of expectations every day. No matter how emotionally torturing each other, it will not become a reason to prevent you from becoming good.
always has a positive and optimistic attitude towards life. There are so many people in the world. It is not easy for you to meet and love each other. Why do you have to argue about trivial matters every day?
The pain and happiness of falling in love and killing each other are doubled. When you feel that you are too tired to stick to it, think about the happiness you have experienced, and believe that it can offset most of the unhappiness.
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