In some articles, or in the process of interacting with fans, I suggest that female friends try their best to be financially independent and spiritually independent, not dependent on anyone, not dependent on anyone. With these two independent abilities, you will not worry and fear anyone's betrayal or departure. I think this is a powerful part of a woman's heart.
However, in the process of communicating with a fan a few days ago, I found that she had misunderstood the word "independence". Her definition of independence is: independence can be achieved without spending a man's money; independence can be achieved by doing what oneself can do; and independence can be achieved without bothering anyone.
01
I want to be an independent woman and carry everything by myself.
Due to the epidemic, Xiaomei, a fan, spent almost all of her unemployed in 2020, with only sporadic income from part-time jobs on the Internet and not even enough money to repay her mortgage. Xiao Mei feels that she has failed. She is 35 years old and has nothing except a one-bedroom apartment that is still paying her mortgage. For many days, Xiaomei couldn't sleep, and she didn't know what to do.
Fortunately, his boyfriend’s job is stable. As a formal employee of a state-owned enterprise, the epidemic has almost no impact on his job, and he earns a little more than before.
When Xiaomei went to work, her salary was higher than her boyfriend's, and she was self-sufficient in everything she wanted. She insists that this is part of women's independence. The
epidemic came without saying hello. Xiaomei had no financial resources, and her boyfriend offered to help her repay her mortgage. Although she received money from her boyfriend, she was disturbed in her heart. She always felt that she owed her boyfriend's favor and did not know how to repay her boyfriend's "paying".
has always felt that it is better to have a clearer distinction in terms of economics, but now she has to get confused.
boyfriend opened Alipay's close payment function for Xiaomei, Xiaomei never used it, and I am embarrassed to spend his money.
She and her boyfriend have been together for five years, getting married is a matter of time, but she can't do it with his money. Xiaomei is willing to carry all the difficulties in life by herself, and never tell anyone when she is tired, even crying is a person crying quietly.
boyfriend sometimes complains about Xiaomei and thinks she is too strong. She obviously can rely on him to live a little easier, but she just doesn't.
A few days ago, Xiao Mei chatted with her boyfriend and said with a sigh, "I have to find something to do, and I can't always spend your money." But her boyfriend
said, "Why can't you? Are you treating me as an outsider? Or you never Haven't thought of marrying me?"
Xiaomei was stunned, she didn't mean that, she just wanted to be independent and not spend his money. But these words fell on the man's heart, and it became like this.
Xiaomei asked me, "Is my independence wrong? Am I wrong if I don't want to trouble him?" Some things at
, after all, are not as simple as right and wrong, nor can they answer right and wrong.
02
Wu Zhihong said, "Many people are afraid to trouble others and have difficulty in expressing their desire for relationships. They are bound to retreat to loneliness."
I can understand Xiaomei's feelings. I used to be such a woman, for fear of trouble anyone, for fear of debt The favor of others, for fear of causing any trouble to others. Even if that person is his husband, it is no exception. Psychologically speaking, this is a kind of "unworthy" psychology. The so-called "unworthy" psychology of
refers to a person who thinks he is not worthy of something, such as someone's unconditional care, a certain expensive item, or does not want to be "seen".
The independence that I have always emphasized with my female friends is actually a kind of independence that I depend on.
Yes, a woman can live well without a man, buy a car and buy a house by herself, beat a gangster, beat a mistress, go to the hall, go to the kitchen, and work hard at the mall without losing to a man. But such a woman is not an independent woman, but a lonely woman.
Human beings are social animals after all. We need to reflect our own value and sense of existence through communication and communication with others. No one can live independently in this world.
There is a "troublesome" philosophy in interpersonal communication. Don't think that it is a trouble to ask for help. Even if it is really trouble, it is also a trouble for you and me, and also a trouble for courtesy. Two people can increase their relationship in the process of trouble, get acquainted with each other, and may become irreversible friends.
The philosophy of "trouble" is the same in feelings.Women don't need to be independent enough to ignore the existence of men. You can do it by changing the light bulb, but is it not good to give men a chance to perform? Maybe you earn more money than a man, and occasionally act like a baby to him and ask him to give you a lipstick. Spending a man's money does not mean that you are not independent, but to tell your man that you will also need him. For men, this is a manifestation of the value he has pursued for a long time.
03
The subtext of not bothering others is, don’t bother me.
If you don't trouble your friends, your friends won't trouble you; if you don't trouble your boyfriend, other women will trouble him.
Some marriages that have problems are because women act too independent and make men feel that they are superfluous. Men always look for a personal experience of "heroes saving beauty" and satisfy his self-esteem and vanity as a man.
Financial independence means that women can pay for the things they like, but this does not mean that you have to buy all the things you like. If you don't spend your husband's money, someone will help you spend it. The spiritual independence of
is to hope that women will give men sufficient time and freedom, put more attention on themselves, and make themselves better and better.
Rather than rejecting men completely outside of his own world, he carried fifty kilograms of rice upstairs by himself, and 100 kilograms of white flour did not want to bother men to do it. Such a woman is not independent at all, but silly, axis, stubborn, and stubborn.
A woman can spend her husband's money while being an independent herself. The two are not in conflict.
Men have a sense of being needed and a sense of presence, so they naturally love women even more.
When a woman has someone she can rely on, her heart will be more stable and stable. What two people want is this state of mutual need and mutual satisfaction.
believe that everyone is worthy of unconditional love.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-