Love is not about the better you give; on the contrary, if you give too much and be too pleased with your lover, it will only make him hate you and finally leave you.
This is human nature.
Love is not that noble, and it is also full of the complexity and dark side of human nature.
-01
Unconditional giving is the "biggest scam" in love
Has it overturned your previous love thinking and cognition?
In fact, that's it.
Unconditional contribution and unreserved efforts are things that talents with "low love for business" are willing to do.
is placed in the current marriage and love market environment. Whoever exposes his trump card first and whoever gives all his efforts first will lose completely.
Why?
First: The more you give, the less you don’t know how to cherish you
One of the dark side of human nature is: I miss you what I can’t get, and I don’t cherish what I get.
What most people never forget is not the current person, but one of his exs.
has a concept called " marginal effect decreasing ".
means:
As a person has more things, his inner sense of accomplishment, pleasure and satisfaction will also decrease.
For example:
You eat meat every day and you get tired of it in a few days. You want to eat vegetarian food and fruits.
You make 5k yuan every month. In less than a few months, your desire will rise and you want to make 10,000; and when you make 10,000, you want 20,000 or even more.
And, if you earn 5k at that time, you will not have any sense of pleasure in your heart. This is even more true in
.
You give too much, and you are unconditionally good for your lover. Over time, the love he gives for you will be "numb".
What is more ironic is:
Once one day, you reduce your efforts to your partner, he will ask you: "Do you don't love me anymore? You have changed, and you are unwilling to give for me."
But he will not reflect. When you give for him, he will not give you corresponding feedback at all.
Second: lack of a sense of boundary, excessive invasion of the other party's private field
There is a concept in psychology called " hedgehog effect ", which is very interesting.
In the cold winter, the two little hedgehogs couldn't help but approach each other in order to keep warm.
They are getting closer and closer until they are close to each other's bodies.
The little hedgehogs think that only when they get close can they keep warm.
However, when they get close to each other, they realize that compared with the obtained temperature, being stabbed by the other person's body is even more painful.
In order to avoid being hurt by the other party, the two hedgehogs kept adjusting the distance and finally found a distance that could keep warm without hurting the other party.
Do you understand this logic?
is even more so in love.
Once some people fall into love, they are prone to transform into " Love Brain ".
wish I could be by the other party at all times, and I would shout "Little Tiantian" and "Little Heart" every day. Is
so sweet? Very happy? Very loving?
It’s a pity that you can’t hold on for long, and you will get tired of each other.
The moment you excessively invade the other person's life, it is a sign that the other person is about to leave you.
For example:
Boys and girls are in love.
Girls have a very strong career aspirations and are determined to do their careers; while boys are more playful and very clingy, and they want to make more than a dozen calls to girls a day.
At the beginning, girls really enjoyed the feeling of being cared for, cared for, and being spoiled.
But after a long time, she felt that this love pattern was "too wasteful of time".
She has clear plans and requirements for her career and her life, but the boys have no plans.
Although the girl communicated with her boyfriend many times: "You shouldn't be like this, boys should be more career-oriented."
But in the end, it was left alone. The boys still do their own things and fall in love and live in their own way.
girls can't stand it.
She believes that boys' behavior has excessively invaded their lives, disturbed their work, and affected their rhythm.
Finally, the girl took the initiative to break up. The same is true for gender switch.
Love has never been the whole of life. Your focus is on career, hobbies, socializing, relaxation, and being alone.
Love is just a part of your life.
The moment you put everything into love and bet on your partner, your ending will not be very good.
's self-restrained charge is indeed tragic and admirable, but it is not worth learning;
Because it can completely have a better way to change all this.
-02
Find the balance point of love so that your partner will not leave you
In an intimate relationship, how can you avoid causing your partner to feel pressure because of your "over-energy and excessive dedication"?
1. Make a moderate effort and focus on yourself
Even if you love each other, you should have a sense of boundaries and a sense of decisiveness.
If a person's total energy is 10 points, then you only need to pay 7 points in love, and the remaining 3 points are your trump card.
If you put all your energy into love and put it on your partner, then your own life and career will be in a mess as one goes up and down.
After all, human energy is limited. With limited energy, how many things can you do?
No matter how much you love the other person, please do not give up your career, don’t lose your life, and don’t give up your social circle.
2. Love is based on "attraction"
The higher the attraction, the more the other party loves you; on the contrary, if you lose your attraction and lose your sense of mystery, in the eyes of the other party, your value will be reduced.
At that time, he will feel "disgusted" when he is with you.
Therefore, you must strive to improve yourself at any time and keep yourself at a high enough attractiveness. What does
attract?
The sum of your external value, intrinsic value, and various advantages.
After all, isn’t the essence of marriage and love “each gets what you need and exchanges value”?
Having love is the icing on the cake; without love, everyone takes what they need.
No one will reject an excellent person whom they like.
Today's topic:
Have you ever had a lot of experience but not cherished?
(Article pictures are from the Internet)
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