text | Xueluo Wuchen
01
Don’t always follow the guidance of your parents’ marriage
Entering marriage, many people feel at a loss, so we try to ask our parents for advice, ask them about marriage, and ask them what they should do.
However, if we look closely, we will find that parents want you to live a happy life more than anyone else, so when facing problems, their attitude is more anxious and panicked than you.
Sometimes, they hope you can suffer less grievances, which will make you leave the relationship in front of you. For the sake of the future, they will also make you patient in your marriage and continue to live your life in front of you.
But you find that you have clearly listened to your parents' suggestions, but in the end you still did not get the happiness you wanted.
In fact, this is not the fault of the parents. Although they are the people you are closest to, they do not have enough experience to guide your life.
They can only give you a broad answer at most, but follow this path and keep following the small twists and turns and small problems in the middle are unexpected.
So, what parents can do is give you confidence. No matter what your marriage is, they will do their best to support you behind the scenes and provide you with the courage to make choices, rather than be careful in everything you do.
If you want to make yourself happy, you must take risks. At first you may not know what you want, but if you think and experience, you will have clearer choices.
Marriage management is in the end, you and your partner, and no one can help you. Only by bravely trying and choosing can you benefit from intimate relationships in the future.
02
Take the initiative to be responsible for yourself and your choices
The essence of human nature is to escape and make choices. In fact, it is not fear of making choices, but fear of taking the risks brought by choices, fear of making mistakes, and losing great opportunities.
But the truth is that even if we want to escape from fear, life will still force us to choose in the end.
You may have chosen the wrong partner, or you may have entered the marriage with your partner too quickly, or you may have done bad things in the marriage and bear the corresponding consequences. These experiences will become your own unique experience.
And in this we also see our true selves.
is like Liu Mintao . He chose to get married early and be a full-time mother at home. From outsiders, she feels really comfortable. She has nothing to do except to take care of her children every day, she doesn’t need to go to work, and she doesn’t have to be scolded by her leaders.
But Liu Mintao was very inferior in her heart because she had no ability to make money, so she was cautious in her marriage. But she did not complain and silently endured the consequences of the marriage.
One day, when she realized that she didn't want such a life at all, she filed for divorce with her husband, continued filming after the divorce, and started acting as a child.
In this process, she suffered a lot of grievances, but like in the past, she was responsible for every choice she made and finally lived as she is now.
No one can always make the right decision. Many times, it is precisely because we choose the wrong one that we realize what is right and will make the right choice next time.
So, at any time, before choosing, you must tell yourself: Don’t regret it after choosing, and at the same time, I must be responsible for my choice.
03
There is no relationship that keeps you from hurting
If you are hurt repeatedly in your current intimate relationship. For example, the other person is impatient with you when he goes home because of work, or a small gesture or expression from his partner makes you feel offended.
But in fact, the truth of love is like this. There will definitely be friction on trivial matters. He may also have bad emotions in his relationships, make mistakes, and hurt you.
It is normal for you to feel hurt. The victim has the right to vent his emotions and express his grievances.
However, if we are particularly afraid of being hurt in intimate relationships, or put ourselves in the position of the weak when we are injured, then we will never be able to get a real relationship.
Think carefully, many couples will feel aggrieved when talking about their partners, complaining about what the other party has done, making themselves sad. Even now, they are very sad.
But in the end, they still did not leave each other, but continued to live with each other. The reason is self-recovery, and they will communicate with their partners and try to avoid the same problem next time.
04
If you only want to be taken care of by your partner, you cannot grow up in your marriage
There is a fact that those who ask others to take care of themselves are actually not poor in their own ability.
Just like when many girls live alone, they can do a lot of things, carry buckets, move alone, repair things and furniture, which can be said to be omnipotent.
But once you enter a marriage, you can't help but let the other party take care of yourself unlimitedly. At the beginning, the other party may be willing, but over time, the other party will also feel tired.
If you keep living in this way of getting along, your marriage will definitely be unhappy.
On the contrary, if you do not rely on the other party, can take care of yourself, and let the other party help you with the right time, then this marriage will be happy.
Don’t want to find a partner who can take care of you for the rest of your life, but help each other and cherish each other.
Remember, independence does not mean that the other party will not interfere in anything. Sometimes, the other party and you still have to bear the responsibility together. Only when you reach a balance can the marriage continue to be happy.
05
Whether you cherish the relationship or choose to give up, you must consider it carefully
Many people may give up a relationship because of impulse or too rational, but they will regret it afterwards. The reason is simple, you don’t fully understand your feelings.
Do you want to live with the other party forever, or do you really want to separate? Don’t be controlled by negative emotions, and don’t be too rational. Because once you are too rational, the real emotions will become further and further.
So, only by asking yourself in your heart what your feelings for the other person are like can you realize whether you want to stay with the other person or want to be separated, and you will not regret it in the future.
Marriage relationship requires careful management at any time to be stable and long-term. But more often, we are changing ourselves and changing our thoughts about marriage and partners, and we will be happy for the rest of our lives.
If you encounter difficult problems in your marriage, don’t panic. You can come to me and I’ll help you.
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