Make others become others,
Make yourself become yourself.
Author: Insight Leylah
There is a question on Zhihu: "What are the minimalist life suggestions?"
A highly praised answer: "There are two things in life: one is to interfere with other people's lives with your mouth, and the other is to think about your life with your brain."
You can give a lot of suggestions for others, but you can't pay for others' failures;
Others can do a lot of things for you, but you can't empathize with you.
Grasp the sense of proportion to get along with each other and be independent is the way to live a long life.
1
- Don’t use your own mouth to guide others’ lives.
There is a young man from the countryside who loves literature very much.
He wrote a letter to the writer Chen Zhongshi and sent his own article, wanting to ask whether he can embark on the road of literature. After reading
Chen Zhongshi felt that the article was dull and had nothing outstanding.
But he still wrote back to the young man "Your article is good" and encouraged him to continue writing.
Young people were consciously inspired, gave up farming, and devoted themselves to writing with all their enthusiasm.
ended up being silent and poor all his life.
Chen Zhongshi later heard about this and sighed without feeling sorry for his own casual guidance. He did not expect that his life would be harmed by others.
As your experience grows, you will find that there are no two leaves in this world.
The same life script may not be suitable for two different people.
Sometimes, we often make suggestions for others' lives with the idea of being good for others, but the result is often unsatisfactory.
media person @He Senbao told a story about my cousin.
In 2012, He Senbao graduated from University and sharpened his head and wanted to squeeze into big cities.
Three years later, with his good eloquence, he has been doing well in big cities and his salary has also risen all the way.
At that time, his cousin was in his hometown, working as a job with a low income, and his life was very leisurely.
He Senbao saw it and was anxious in his heart.
Every time I meet my younger brother, he will educate him with regret:
"You are at a good age now, and it is meaningless to do this job. You should learn some skills in Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou!"
My younger brother has no big ambitions and likes to play two small games on weekdays.
Every time He Senbao bumps into it, he is even more angry: "Why do you waste your youth on these meaningless things!"
After He Senbao's repeated persuasion, his younger brother finally resigned and left his hometown to go to Beijing for two years.
But what is surprising is that my younger brother not only did not make money in Beijing, but he almost suffered from depression .
used to be in his hometown, and he liked to stay with his family and friends. Although his salary was not high, he could also help with food and clothing.
But when he arrived in Beijing, the pressure of work and the loneliness of life all made him exhausted.
After two years, I didn’t learn the skills, but my personality became depressed.
Dong Yuhui said:
Don't give others advice easily. Our biased, narrow, and wrong life experiences are sometimes not enough to guide others.
Everyone must go their own path in life, and everyone must find their own identity through their own growth.
There is not only one lane, but also one way to live.
is used to reaching out to other people's lives. In fact, it is not kindness, but cruelty.
2
- Don't use other people's brains to arrange your own life.
Singer Li Jian once said in a speech that many people will have some life experience after they have experience.
But some of the experiences from others are very terrible and are very unworthy of reference and sharing.
blindly obeying other people's opinions, you will forget your inner voice.
Writer Shi Yi has a female friend who loves to read various emotional columns when he is not in love.
As long as it is said by the "expert", she will listen to and believe it.
Emotional expert said: "Loving someone means replying to her messages 4 hours a day. Remember to buy her gifts every anniversary.
Whatever she says is right. When she gets angry, she admits her mistake immediately. It is her own fault. Let her be like a princess."
Friends who are honest and believe that they have mastered the secrets of love.
Later she fell in love.
When your boyfriend is together, you will be commemorated for one month and three months. Arbor Day will be commemorated for , Labor Day, and even Qingming Festival.
The boyfriend doesn’t give roses for a week or surprises, and he says it’s not new.
The boyfriend asked her to choose a gift by herself, but she was confused for a long time and didn't know what to choose.
also called it: "The expert said that a man is not willing to spend time on these small things, that is, he doesn't love him." The final result of his relationship is conceivable: his boyfriend can't stand it, and the two end up breaking up.
I heard a saying: "The greatest stupidity in life is to use other people's brains to think about your own life."
Others say that you must have a house and a car before the age of 30, so you gave up your business plan and bought RV with all your savings, and your life is tight;
Others say that after the age of 25, you will be an older single woman, so under the introduction of your aunt and wife, you married someone you don’t love;
Others say that you will be a fat man with a weight of more than 100 pounds, so you start dieting and losing weight regardless of your health...
In the end, you find that you have spent a lot of time and energy, fulfilling everyone’s expectations as you wish, but you only let yourself down.
Nicethets said: "Don't let our brain become someone else's racetrack."
Yes, psychedelic in other people's cognition is actually a laziness to indulge your soul.
stubborn and arbitrary are not advisable.
But over-accepting other people's suggestions will only ruin your own happiness.
3
- allows others to be others and allow yourself to be yourself.
In the movie " A Grandmaster ", Palace 2 says:
"People who practice martial arts have to go through three stages: see themselves, see the world, and see sentient beings."
When you have seen the greatness of the world and the vastness of sentient beings, you will understand: this world is diverse, not single.
All three views and lifestyles do not have high or low levels, and there is nothing right or wrong.
The most sober way to live is: Let others become others and make yourself yourself.
media person @Yang Mingyuan , once told a story in life in the video.
He was born in a village in Xi'an, Shaanxi Province. His message has been very closed since childhood.
He studied hard all the way and finally achieved an impressive result after the college entrance examination and was admitted to a 985 university in Beijing.
After going to college, he felt that his worldview was greatly impacted.
In the past, in his hometown, his elders told him that no one who doesn’t eat noodles can grow healthy and strong.
But in Beijing, he found that there are many people who don’t eat noodles, and some even eat only steak and salad per meal.
When I was in my hometown, the teacher told him that the students who dye their hair were all bad students.
But in Beijing, he found that some students dyed their hair colorful, and their grades and character were very good.
He began to understand: "This world is neither black nor white, and other people's experience is not all right."
When he graduated and was about to find a job, the elders at home advised him as usual:
Sign up for a normal school, and it would be great to be a teacher in the future, and life would be free.
Computers are popular now, so you can definitely apply for a computer major.
But after thinking about it, he felt that neither of these two industries is suitable for him, so he entered the new media industry without hesitation. After 5 years of deep cultivation, he finally became a leader in the industry with an annual income of more than one million.
At that time, he had already achieved some success, and his cousin happened to have dinner at his house after the college entrance examination.
At the dinner table, he talked freely and was about to persuade his cousin to engage in the new media industry.
But suddenly, he remembered the hardships he had experienced in starting a business over the years and the luck he encountered on the road to success. In the end, he swallowed silently.
video Finally, Yang Mingyuan said this:
There is never a so-called standard answer in life, everyone has the right to choose the life they like.
does not have to use other people's standards to confine yourself, nor does it have to use your own standards to measure other people's choices.
There is a Buddhist term called "Yuena" .
means that while we recognize our own life, we must also accept other people's lifestyles.
The more you experience and see far enough, you will naturally understand that life is not just one way to live.
allows you to be different from others, and you will be different from others;
allows you to be different from you, and you will be able to embrace all the rivers.
▽
Adler has a famous saying: "Basically all conflicts in interpersonal relationships are caused by interference in other people's topics, or their own topics are interfered with by others."
The so-called topic is actually a difficult problem in life.
So if a person wants to live a happy life, the most important thing is to "not interfere with other people's issues" and "not let others interfere with my issues".
Only by knowing yourself can you maintain yourself. Only by knowing others can you respect others.
click likes , embrace the world with a broader mind, manage life with a more independent attitude, and meet a better self for the rest of your life.
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