Today, let’s analyze the causes of insecurity. Generally speaking, the insecurity in relationships mainly comes from the original family, intimate relationships and society.
may be the lack of fatherly love, excessive spoiling, and even the disregard of parents in childhood, which may lead to a sense of insecurity.
may also be that when adults are injured when they first enter a close relationship, or are affected by the personal experiences of people around them. Or the intimate relationship promoted in various film and television dramas makes her look forward to an idealized relationship.
When your feelings do not meet this expectation, this uneasiness will aggravate.
Now we have neither the way to go back to childhood nor the way to change the environment. So how can we eliminate the insecurity in our relationship?
1. Same frequency communication
will feel uneasy in your relationship because sometimes what you give is not what the other party wants. For women, it is more important to meet emotional needs.
In intimate relationships, women desire men's listening and companionship, while men have different thinking patterns and often cannot understand the other person's points, which leads to problems.
For example, girls are uncomfortable but not very serious. At this time, what they want is the company and care of their partner.
If the boy does not give him company and care at this time, the girl will think: "He would have accompanied me before, is he not love me anymore?" "Is there anything more important than me? He would have put down everything to accompany me before"; "I must be with other girls, he not love me anymore" and so on.
In a short period of time, countless bad possibilities emerged in my mind. These all come from the different frequencies between partners, you think it should be like this, and the reaction he makes is completely different from what you expect.
Therefore, in an intimate relationship, you should keep in the same frequency of communication with your partner and directly tell him what you think and what you want him to do.
For example, you are about to celebrate your birthday and want the other party to give you a gift. The gift you are looking forward to is a skirt you have liked for a long time but have never bought. As a result, on your birthday, he gave you a pair of gloves.
You will think: "I definitely don't love me anymore. I want a skirt. He gave me gloves, and he must have bought it casually." . But that's not the case. He gave you gloves because every winter, your hands will get frostbite.
He cares about you, but you didn’t tell each other clearly, which caused a misunderstanding and indirectly increased the sense of insecurity. If you directly point out what you want to the other party, or tactfully suggest it to him, there will be no misunderstanding.
2. Realize true emotional independence
The sense of security comes from yourself first. : On tiptoe, you will inevitably get tired, and bend your back, and be humble. Those who really care about you will always appreciate your independent and confident appearance.
If we don’t even trust ourselves and think we are not worthy of being loved, when we receive negative emotions from our lovers, this emotion will be infinitely amplified, leading to further uneasiness.
We must believe in ourselves, have confidence in ourselves, constantly improve ourselves, focus on ourselves, build a strong heart, give ourselves a sense of security, and do not need to gain a sense of security from others.
When you no longer worry about gains and losses due to your sense of security and have confidence, men will take the initiative to give you and give you enough safety in intimate relationships.
Fang Qi said a sentence before: "He is strong because he is strong, and the breeze blows through the hills." means that no matter how strong others are, if you are a mountain, they are like a breeze blowing through the hills and scratching itch.
When we were young, we cried to attract our parents’ attention and get what we wanted; when we grew up, we still gain a sense of security from others in a similar way.
It is obvious that when you are the only one, you can handle everything well, but the appearance of others makes you depend on it. Whether it is a friend or a partner, if you expect to gain a sense of security from them, there will always be a moment when they cannot satisfy your expectations.
If this is used as the basic framework in an intimate relationship, then this relationship will not last long. To maintain it for a long time, you need to give yourself enough safety and maintain a reasonable level of expectations for your partner.
For those who are hurt in their relationship due to the lack of "sense of security", they must first heal themselves and find their sense of security, and then you will definitely gain a beautiful relationship.
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