Greek .
There is a hero named "Highris". This person is a person with a temperament and a person with a hot temper.
One day, Heglis saw a package lying across the middle of the road on the way home.
Out of curiosity, he kicked the package with one kick.
In theory, his strength is enough to kick the package out of order or to the distance, but the package not only has not been destroyed, but has become larger and larger.
This ignited the anger in Heglith's heart.
He kicked the package one after another, and the volume of the package became larger and larger, and finally completely blocked the way home.
Highris was furious.
At this time, an old man appeared beside him and said to him: "Young man, stop quickly. The thing you are kicking is called anger; the more you kick him, the more he will expand, and in the end it will only bring you more harm."
Anger is a state of emotional expression in a person.
And in intimate relationships, anger is the essential reason that hurts feelings.
Why do some couples become more and more loving, but some couples quickly reach the point of breaking their relationship?
In essence, it is because of the different ways of guiding emotions.
-01
You are angry, the other party is also angry
This reminds me of a consulting case.
A female reader asked me angrily, and she said:
"I was almost angry with my boyfriend. I was in love for two years and just realized that he was such an unreliable person."
As she kept telling me, I sorted out the conflict between the two people.
On that day, the girl worked overtime until very late before returning home.
worked overtime very late, tired and hungry, and waited for half an hour to take a taxi;
was in the company, because she sent the wrong file, she was publicly criticized by her boss in the group, and she was punished for half a day's salary because she made a mistake;
returned to the downstairs and found that she forgot to bring her home key, and her phone was off.
Then she knocked on the door, but it took her 5 minutes before her boyfriend opened the door.
She asked her boyfriend: "Didn't you hear me knocking outside? Are your ears deaf? It's so cold outside, do you want to freeze me to death?"
Then:
She saw that there was no leftovers on the dining table.
Then look at my boyfriend's study. There is a game screen on the computer and the smell of smoke in the room.
At that moment, the girl could no longer contain her anger.
While crying, cursing the boy, saying all kinds of unpleasant words, and finally burst into tears.
After crying, she found that her boyfriend was still indifferent.
She will continue to lose her temper.
At this time, the boy's long-suppressed emotions also erupted.
The boy said, "You only know that I care about you. Have you ever cared about me? Have you noticed something was wrong with me recently?"
only realized it after a quarrel.
It turned out that my boyfriend had just lost his job recently and had no savings at all; and the reason why he didn't open the door just now was because he focused on video interviews and did not hear knocking outside.
He has interviewed more than ten companies, but none of them have succeeded.
There is warm food in the pot in the kitchen, and it has been ready to wait for the girl to come home to eat.
It turns out that the anger and contradiction between the two people are both derived from "not understanding".
Girls do not understand boys' pressure and emotions, and do not notice boys' changes;
And boys did not have time to comfort girls' emotions, which led to further bursting of girls' anger.
When you are angry, the other party is also very angry; because your negative emotions will also be passed on to the other party.
When you are in a stable mood and try your best to communicate with the other party, the other party will continue to chat with you according to your ideas.
Do you understand? In the intimate relationship, most of the contradictions are emotional instability, which is further expanded.
Conflict itself is not important. What is important is the emotions and attitudes of two people when resolving the conflict.
-02
Only by learning to guide emotions can you maintain intimacy
Many people are asking:
"How to make the other party rely more and more on me and love me more and more?"
In fact, the best way is to provide the other party with high enough emotional value.
Make the other party emotionally depend on you, and then the love for you in his heart will increase unknowingly.
Back to the previous case.
I told the girl:
You have to do three things now.
The first item: give in, bow your head to admit your mistake with your boyfriend, and express your apology.
The second item: Tell the other party why you had such a big emotional outburst that day, and then indicate that you also understand your boyfriend's misfortune, and then explain your feelings and support for him.
The third item: accompany your boyfriend to screen for work, stabilize his emotions, and comfort his experiences.
comforts the other party’s negative emotions while guiding the other party to have positive emotions.
What is the most important thing in love?
is not money, not identity and status, but "understanding".
Liao Yimei in "The Rhino of Love" said:
"In this life, we meet sex and love, we are not rare; what is rare is meeting understanding."
It is better to understand you than to love you;
It is better to understand you than to accompany you alone.
Because being with people who understand you, understand you, and are willing to tolerate your negative emotions will make you feel more secure.
is like the attitude of children towards their parents.
Those children who are confident, optimistic and have a sense of security have parents who are emotionally stable behind them. The same is true in
love.
has been read until now, do you understand?
let your partner trust you, rely on you, and love you more. It's that simple:
- Understand each other's emotions and try to think from the perspective of others;
- helps the other party relieve negative emotions, and then provides support and companionship;
- accepts the other party's shortcomings and understands their own shortcomings.
Both people have stable emotions, and their feelings will of course move in a better direction.
Today’s topic:
In love, can you control your emotions?
(Article pictures are from the Internet)
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