It is also strange to say that the Internet is so developed nowadays, but traditional blind dates and matchmaking are still active in the corner of life. You will always hear someone saying: It is better to feel at ease to find a daughter-in-law (son-in-law) who knows the truth.
Since I succeeded in being a matchmaker twice more than ten years ago, someone will ask me to be a matchmaker every now and then, and I am happy to be a moonlit man, holding on to the red line. For me, I just say a few more words and communicate with both parties or parents once or twice. Regardless of whether it succeeds or not, I will not lose anything.
Recently, a friend was worried about their son and wanted to find the female policeman in our unit to be his daughter-in-law. With the help of me and another friend, the two post-90s generations "returned" and had a good chat. They planned a date for meeting.
Now the boy's parents were happy and insisted on coming to the house to thank me. I was also a friend for many years, and I haven't seen each other for several years since the epidemic, so I am happy to receive them at home.
When old friends meet, there are always endless topics to talk about, but the ones they talk most about this time are their sons and their future daughter-in-law.
The character of this couple is recognized by us, otherwise we would not have been dating for nearly twenty years and still maintained a good friendship. We also know the family background of this couple, so when looking for a "daughter-in-law" for them, we also try our best to choose a "family matched" family. We see the love and dedication of this couple for their children. Like most Chinese parents, they have given everything they can to their only son.
On the night of chatting, the friend and wife repeatedly emphasized a point of view: Whoever is their daughter-in-law will be blessed! The reason is: they are kind-hearted! They have a rich family background! They truly love their children! They arranged everything about their son and daughter-in-law...the husband also believed in their views.
When I first heard them say this, I smiled politely and responded, "As long as the children like it, there should be no problem."
When I heard them expressing such a point of view for the second time, I explained, "Now girls born in the 1990s have clearly divided their boundaries and do not like their parents-in-law to intervene in too many of their own small families..."
Before I finished speaking, the three of them collectively opposed me. I think if an elderly person helps us do housework well and take care of our children, and don’t worry about the house, the car, or the children, then will it be a pleasure to see us?
Because they and our husband and I are both fathers and mothers, work and housework, work and take care of the children after work, and take care of the children after get off work, and no one helps us. I understand it very much and have envied my colleagues or friends who have the help of the elderly.
If it were two years ago, I would probably have joined their discussion on "Whoever enters their family will be happy", and I would also think that if a girl can meet their son and get a family and in-laws like them, she would be very happy.
But as they amplify this view, I feel more and more worried! Based on my reading, learning and thinking over the past two years, and my daily chat with colleagues born in the 1990s, I can definitely draw a conclusion: they are too confident, and their self-awareness will definitely bring great trouble to their future daughter-in-law.
There are quite a lot of couples like friends in life. They worked hard when they were young and saved their first pot of gold in their family. When the children grow up and start their own family, they will give up their retirement life for the sake of their children, and will regard their children's small family as their main battlefield, and will willingly be nannies and cash machines every day.
But they ignored an important question. They never asked their daughter-in-law what kind of life they wanted to live, how they got along with their sons. After their son got married, they still thought about their sons everywhere.They naturally believe that as the daughter-in-law of only children, they also need their care and their boundless care, just like their sons!
The boy who has always been held in the palm of his parents will certainly not feel that there is any problem with his parents working so hard. He cannot understand the discomfort in the girl at all. If the wife says something bad about her parents, the boy's first reaction is: My parents have done enough, and you are not satisfied! It is precisely because parents do too much that their daughter-in-law feels unhappy and young couples have conflicts!
Many books have mentioned the importance of "boundary". Whether you are a parent or a parent-in-law, whether you are a child or a daughter-in-law, you must know where the boundaries of the role you play, and you must have a mentality of "lifelong learning" and "lifelong growth"!
I really want to say to that pair of friends: No matter how good your conditions are, no matter how "you can't take care of yourself" in your future daughter-in-law, you must "salary money" unconditionally, but you must "salary efforts" with conditions, and before "salary efforts", please seek your daughter-in-law's opinions and must not "sent without invitation".
Smart in-laws will have a clear understanding of themselves, grasp the boundaries of getting along with their sons and daughters-in-law, and hold a "lifelong growth" mentality. Such in-laws, even if they do not have a rich family background and work hard, will create a warm and happy family atmosphere for their sons and daughters-in-law.
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